You probably don't need me to tell you that Cats has been a bit of a catastrophe since it was released last week.
To be honest, though, I don't know why any of you were surprised. You saw how dirty they did Jennifer Hudson in the trailer, right? We should've known this was going to be a tragedy from the beginning.
But still, some people made the effort to go and see the movie despite plenty of warnings and — surprise, surprise — it apparently isn't very good.
Big crowd in for the CATS screening
CATS was distressingly horny. And not in a sexy voyeuristic way. More like you open a bathroom door and find people in the middle of an orgy and you slam the door because you didn’t ask for this!!
It apparently isn't very good at all.
There were about twenty people at my showing of CATS. Seven walked out. Some people were in fits of laughter by the end. It is shockingly bad. I really don’t think you can understand how freaky and wrong it is until you see it.
The best part of our showing of CATS was about 2/3rds of the way through when a man in the audience stood up, said "this movie is bad and I'm leaving", and walked out while everyone applauded him.
Oddly enough, the movie doesn't even appear to be finished? Apparently, at some point in the movie, you can see Judie Dench's human hand even though she is meant to be a cat?
This isn’t a joke: CATS was rushed into theaters before being finished so a new version is being sent to theaters with updated effects. How do you know if you have the old version? Look for Judi Dench’s human hand, wedding ring and all.
In fact, according to reports, the movie will be updated with "some improved visual effects", a move that is "unheard of for a finished title already in release".
Anyway, James Corden. He's in the movie, so at least one person will have something good to say about it, right? Well, not so fast. For one, he hasn't actually seen the movie yet, so we're off to a great start.
In a BBC radio interview this week, James said: "I haven’t seen it, no." In fact, he reiterated this point several times as if trying to apologise for his role and shake responsibility for the movie ever happening at the same time.
And, in a move that I'm sure will delight the promoters behind Cats, James added: "I've heard it’s terrible." A glowing review then!
But James will, of course, see the movie at some point...or not! "I'll catch it one day, I imagine," he said.
