13 Bits Of Old Parenting Advice Which Is Seriously Making Me Question How We Even Made It This Far

Ignore your crying babies or they will become a socialist.

Look, I'm not an expert OR even a parent, so definitely don't listen to me for parenting advice. But it's also probably a good idea not to listen to any of this advice that used to be given to new and soon-to-be parents.

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Here are 13 bits of out-of-date parenting advice:

1. Give your baby a lard bath.

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You may be aware of Sophia Loren's anti-ageing olive-oil baths, but doctors also used to believe that oil baths should be given to babies "as soon as the cord and the eyes have received the proper attention." 

These baths would be in either lard, olive oil, sweet oil, or liquid vaseline. They said that the baby should be covered from head to toe and then rubbed clean with "an old soft linen towel."

Now parents are advised to refrain from using oils or moisturisers on their babies until they're at least a month old, and even then, I doubt full lard baths are prescribed very often. 

2. Don't be worried or angry.

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In the early 20th century, doctors had a simple and easy way to prevent baby colic (persistent crying with no clear explanation): don't be worried or angry. Easy, right? This was their reasoning: 

"If the mother worries greatly, or thoughtlessly "gets very angry" just before the nursing hour... [it] often produces not only colic in the babe, but many times throws him into severe convulsions."

So, after nine months of carrying a baby, childbirth, and then having a newborn, you just gotta chill out, simple. In reality, stress or anxiety will not transfer through the breastmilk into the baby – so, don't worry, it's okay to worry now and then!

3. Drink a pint of Guinness a day if you're pregnant.

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Now we know that it's not safe to consume alcohol if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant. In 1916, however, pregnant mothers were advised to drink half, or even a whole pint of Guinness a day – it was thought that it was a good source of iron. 

As it turns out, Guinness isn't even that rich in iron, and it's certainly not advised to be drunk during pregnancy or while nursing. 

4. Don't hug your child!

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That’s right, being affectionate – particularly physically – was an absolute nono! In the late 1920s, a behaviourist advised parents to be “perfectly objective” with their children.

They wrote: "Never hug and kiss [them], never let them sit in your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say good night. Shake hands with them in the morning." 

Look, I'm not one to judge, but if you're shaking hands with your kid in the morning then they're gonna grow up to be a dickhead. 

5. Don't give your child a 'soft' name.

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Parents were even given advice about naming their children. They advised not to give their kids names that are growing in popularity because they will grow up "one of the crowd." 

Stranger still, parents were warned against giving their kids names that were too "soft". An article wrote: "Do not try too much for softness. Names like Lenora Molloy simply lack backbone." 

Apologies to any Lenoras or Molloys reading, I assume the author had a personal vendetta against someone with that name. 

6. Get straight to toilet training.

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Nowadays, most parents begin potty training when babies are two or two and a half. Back in the 1930s, the US government put out a pamphlet telling parents that they should start potty training almost immediately after birth. They expected a child to be trained at six to eight months!

7. Put your baby out the window in a cage.

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Imagine you're a new parent, but you live in a flat in the city – how are you going to ensure that your newborn gets enough fresh air? Obviously, the best thing to do is to put them in a small cage out of your window suspended multiple stories above the street, DUH! 

This is what some parents did in the 1930s. The cage could also be used as a bed and had curtains to block the draft coming from being that high up, genius! 

8. Ignore your crying babies or they will become socialists.

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In the '60s, some doctors warned that mothers who "did not impose a schedule on her child" would create "the adult who expects others to bail him out of trouble." 

Dr Walter W Sackett Jr went even further with a bold prediction, writing: "If we teach our offspring to expect everything to be provided on demand, we must admit the possibility of sewing the seeds of socialism." 

Doctors thus advised parents (specifically mothers because... you know), to walk away from crying babies, and ignore them both night and day. At least we what to blame our hyper-capitalist societies on, it's the socialist-resistant parenting strategies of the '60s! 

9. Babies were given opium to soothe their teething.

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During the 1800s, Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup was sold to parents in need of calming their teething babies. What's really quite harrowing about it is that they didn't realise it contained morphine, and it's believed to have been the cause of deaths across America. 

These "remedies" were supposedly packaged in dainty bottles and given comforting names. 

10. Delicate children should drink chocolate milk.

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If your baby or toddler had a delicate stomach, it was advised for them to have what is essentially chocolate milk and bread.

This is the recipe: "Cadbury's Cocoa Essence, made with equal parts of boiling water and fresh milk, slightly sweetened with lump sugar, is an admirable food for a delicate child. Bread and butter should be eaten with it." 

I'm NGL, I probably would have loved this meal when I was a little kid. 

11. Physically restrain them to stop them sucking their thumb.

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According to a 1920s book: "Thumb sucking, finger sucking, or pacifier sucking, are all filthy habits, and should be early discouraged."

The book goes on to suggest a variety of solutions for this "filthy" habit: "The ends of the fingers and edges of the nails may be painted with a solution of aloes or quinine. In extreme cases, a splint may be placed on the anterior bend of the elbow, thus preventing the possibility of raising the hand to the mouth."

I'm not sure if essentially putting them into a splint is a beneficial way to stop them from sucking their thumbs...

12. Babies and toddlers should never be in a pram (stroller).

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Some used to advise mothers never to put their babies or toddlers in a perambulator (pram), saying they must be held instead. 

Henry Chavasse wrote: "If he be in a perambulator, he is cold and unsupported, looking the very picture of misery, seeking everywhere for test and comfort, and finding none." He also said that they would mike a child stoop and cause them to be "crooked and round-shouldered." 

It seems like Chavasse had a personal vendetta against prams because he also said this about them: 

They are a public nuisance, inasmuch as they are wheeled against and between people's legs, and are a fruitful source of the breaking of shins, of the spraining of ankles, of the crushing of corns, and of the ruffling of tempers of the foot-passengers who unfortunately come within their reach." – This man was deffo wronged by a pram.

13. Babies should start eating solids from day two.

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Just like toilet training, back then they also were pretty keen on babies getting to grips with adult food far quicker than the current advice says. 

Here's what some advised: "Cereal should begin on the second or third day; strained vegetables at ten days; strained meats at fourteen days; fruit juice at three weeks; cod liver oil at four weeks; eggs at five weeks, sweets such as fruits, custard, and puddings at six weeks, and bacon and eggs at nine weeks." 

For reference, doctors now advise weaning to begin at six months, and that salty food like bacon, or sugary foods like custard, puddings, and fruit juices shouldn't be given to babies. 

Know any bits of outdated parenting advice? Let us know in the comments below!