Belgium, A Beautiful City

Disclaimer: the appellations of Belgium aren’t our responsibility, so if you are a little confused, you know who to call.

These last few years, Belgium quite often made the news. It got people thinking about Belgium's existence and its location – is it a part of Germany or France? I'm not going to lie, at that point I wasn't even sure. In fact, I've lived my whole life in Belgium and always thought that – please, don't judge me – Belgium was a country... *laugh* (I know, right?) Always, until I came across a video of the President of the US saying that Belgium was actually a (beautiful) city.

Belgium: city of chocolate, beers, fries, speculoos, mussels, waffles – yeah, I know, I’m hearing your stomach rumbling, one good reason to come to Belgium – comics, surrealism, weirdness… So many reasons to love it! However, it probably became the most famous hellhole in the world thanks to the POTUS.

A hole, really?

ZME Science, modified by us. / Via zmescience.com

I thought that Belgium was called the ‘plat pays’. It is true that heights in Belgium are pretty crazy: our peak? 694 meters – we’re quite proud of it, huh. Quite a mountain, no? Oh… Well, maybe I should say a hill? On a positive note, you could totally go for a hike there, the forest is as splendid part of the city. You might even cross path with wolves, deers, foxes or hares – well, you might also only see cows, sorry.

I know that Belgium is a really big city – it has 30 528 km² – that means 38 times bigger than New York City. However, as a country – wait what, Belgium is a country? Gotcha! – it is really small but big things come in small packages, right? Speaking of small, it’s true that we’re not doing anything in big proportions – well, except partying, drinking and eating – and our highest building can testify: The Midi Tower is only 38 stories or 150 meters. Compared to the World Trade Center and its 104 stories or 541 meters, it doesn’t measure up – but once again, big things come in small packages.

On some level, I must say I’m quite impressed with the comparison between Belgium and a hole, because that can be a really accurate representation! All my Belgian mates – hi there – could confirm: we love holes, especially in our roads. I guess that you’re thinking “OK, that’s it, Belgians are crazy weird”, but wait, you should really come and see what we’re doing with them, it’s lovely. A hint? It involves flowers (see for yourself: #flowerpotholes. You’re welcome!). Lovely place for flowers, isn’t it? I would say that it comes from something Belgians are really good at: self-mockery!

It’s true that it’s not our fault if we have so many holes in our roads. It’s always so rainy! I know, I know, it’s weird for a hellhole, but that’s true! I can assure you. We have an average of almost 200 days of rain per year. So, if you plan to travel to Belgium, be sure to pick your days right, or… be prepared: you should really invest in a waterproof overall – stay sexy and dry at any moment, am I right? – once again, you should check it out, I’m doing you a favor!

Small, rainy, flat, hellish… What else? Mmmh, let’s pick, there are soooo many choices! So, let’s talk about Belgians, those weird aliens. First, in that so small country, there are three languages – wait what?!: French, Dutch and German. I know what you’re thinking, how come? How can a country manage three languages? Well, I have to say that it is quite complicated, and it is part of what’s more important, what makes Belgium, Belgium: weirdness. I’m not going to lie, we’re like a big family, and in families, there are fights and forgotten relatives (hi there German-speaking Belgians). But at the end of the day, we’re all Belgians! Yeah, I know, we’re lazy and weird, but when you will have met Belgians, you won’t be able to live without them – we’re like chicken and waffle, it’s weird, but everybody loves it (don’t lie). Belgium is such a complicated country that this small country holds the record of the longest time without a government: 541 days – yes, the parties took 541 days to come to an agreement on how to form our government…

Visiting Belgium?

Oh, I’m flattered, have I convinced you that Belgium is the most marvellous city of all? Well, if you want to see Belgium in all its hellish glory, I would say that you must come during an international soccer competition. I have to warn you, at first, soccer supporter can seem really odd and dangerous, but don’t worry, they are quite a nice Belgian specie. OK, that’s true, they always drink beer – drinking beer saves water, that’s ecology, my friend! – and they eat nothing but 'French' fries (#belgianfriesnotfrenchfries). Also, perfect occasion to taste one – or, no, many – Satan beer, one beer sort among the many others from the wide range of Belgian beers.

Besides, for a country called hellhole, how could the national soccer team have chosen a better name than the Belgian Red Devils? And what about the women’s national soccer team’s name: The Red Flames? Our supporters are so humble that when our team reached the first place of the FIFA ranking, they couldn’t believe it. Such a Belgian thing to do!

And speaking of humility, have you ever seen our monuments? Well, Mannekenpis is a statue of a naked boy, peeing and he’s about 60-centemeters high, 60-freaking-centimeters! And you know what is the best part? On some holidays, he’s not just peeing water – have a guess on what replaces the water? Come on, you can do it – he’s peeing beer and people can drink it…

We’re so humble that once, a prime minister mistook the French anthem for the Belgian one… But we can’t be mad at him, neither at the players of our national teams, since we don’t even know the lyrics of our own anthem ourselves. Well, there is an exception: the a cappella ensemble named Good Vibrations who can actually master our anthem – one of the many talented Belgian artists! However, ask a Belgian to name, let’s say, 20 beers it should be alright!

But I’m not saying that Belgians are dummies, it is just the way we are and I think that’s why Belgium is a fun and precious travel destination! You can just ask all the international students coming to Belgium to study. It’s true, it’s a small country – a rainy one, even – but it’s also the country where we have carnivals like nowhere else – a must-see! A country where everybody will try to help you – because yes, Belgians are nice people. Not Canadian nice, but still. And because of its weirdness, Belgium is the country where you’ll see odd stuff happening that you've never seen before. Ok, we have a monument that is 60-centimeters high, but we also have one of the 15-prettiest places in the world – the Grand-Place of Brussels. On top of that, if you are still a child at heart, we have a tiny version of Europe to make you feel like a giant – Mini-Europe – and those are just some monuments of Brussels. Because I could of course talk about the Street-art festival or the Gravensteen of Ghent, the canals and the medieval city of Bruges, the Royal Greenhouse of Laeken, the Blue Forest of Hallerbos, the charming town of Durbuy, the Caves of Remouchamps, the Giant Clothespin sculpture in Chaudfontaine, the battlefield of Flanders, the Meuse or the Semois valley, the old town of Mons and so on!

Belgium might be a small country, but it’s the country with the most castles per square kilometres in the world! And there’s more: no other country in Europe has as many street and music festivals all year round as Belgium – for such a small country, we have a loooot of festivals, more than 400, if I must say. I did warn you, we like to party! And if you’re more into sports, the Belgian Circuit of Spa-Francorchamps is the longest F1 Grand Prix Circuit that is still in use.

Visiting Belgium means eating waffles, chocolate, mussels or fries, drinking beer and discovering a brewery, attending a music festival (Tomorrowland is the world’s largest Electronic Dance Music festival), discovering street-art (weird arts), like being introduced to the comic book culture, seeing a folkloristic parade (Binche’s is probably the prettiest and out of the ordinary one), and meeting weird but nice people…

Visiting Belgium also means visiting museums, beguine convents, castles, churches or belfries, World Wars memorials, wandering in beautiful cities, climbing the lion’s mound in Waterloo, going to the sea, going for a walk in the forests of the Belgians Ardennes, or getting acquainted with Belgian’s mining history…

Visiting Belgium is simply an experience you have to do at least once in your life. And you’ll see, you’ll want – or should I say, need – to come back to our heavenly hellhole!