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    24 Things To Help You Be The Old Person You Truly Are

    When you're the youngest person in your knitting circle and you want to fit in.

    1. A pair of slippers because comfort is key.

    2. A unicorn knitting kit for a magical introduction to a new craft.

    3. A lovely strawberry candy pin you can proudly display on your sweater or NPR tote bag.

    4. An oversized v-neck sweater to cuddle up with.

    5. A pair of Mahjong socks you'll want to show off to all your friends.

    6. A pair of Scrabble earrings to wear when you want to remind your family that you're still the reigning champ.

    7. A place to put your glasses because you're always losing those darn things.

    8. A fig newton catnip toy so you and your feline friend can enjoy a snack together.

    9. A pair of big glasses to better help you see your latest embroidery project.

    10. A little pigeon necklace so you can feel close to your feathery friends even when you're not at the park feeding them.

    11. A bag of loose English Breakfast tea to start your mornings right.

    12. And an adorable tea infuser to use when you want to steep some of that loose tea. Your imaginary grandkids will love it.

    13. A chunky, cable-knit cardigan that would make Macklemore green with envy.

    14. A two-pack of Werther's Originals to noisily unwrap in a movie theater.

    15. And, when the candies aren't in your bag, a fancy dish so you can show them off to your guests.

    16. A telephone handset that connects to your cellphone via the auxiliary cord so you can feel like you're talking on a landline.

    17. A classic ceramic bird you can count on to achieve perfectly cooked pies with no spillage.

    18. A foot bath to soak your yapping dogs in.

    19. A book of crafts you can make using your beloved cat's extra fur.

    20. An amusing mug that tells people you need coffee by whatever beans necessary.

    21. A pack of illustrated North American bird flashcards to help you study up before you venture into the world of bird watching.

    22. A potent portables pin for people who love to get drunk and watch Jeopardy!

    23. A subscription to Audible so you can listen to mystery novels while taking care of chores or running errands.

    24. A rotary phone because sometimes you gotta bring back the classics. The '50s called and they said "great phone!"

    Looking good, kid!