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1. A Godzilla lawn ornament for people who don't trust gnomes.
2. A calendar filled with pooping dogs to ironically make 2020 feel less crappy.
3. A stretchy, mushy...piece of poop. Yup!
4. A pair of Guy Fieri earrings ready to take your ears to flavortown.
5. A Nic Cage sequin pillowcase you can flip to red when you want the Face/Off.
6. Squishy egg toys that puke yolk when you squeeze 'em. Delightful!
7. A Star Wars book of battle stages for your biggest thumb war throw downs.
8. An unnerving bikini that's one in a minion.
9. A really buff Pokémon sticker for trainers who have clearly spent a lot of time at the local gym.
10. A simply ~splashing~ shower curtain featuring Nigel and his...Thornberrys.
11. Or a transparent shower curtain with pockets so you can keep up with your ~soaps~.
12. An elephant G-string for anyone with a lot of junk in the trunk.
13. A pimple popper simulation so you don't have to wreck your face with your popping impulses.
14. A set of brain slice coasters for doctors, nurses, scientists, and...serial killers?
15. A poke-able corgi butt mousepad if you're into that kind of thing.
16. Or one featuring a cat riding a unicorn over a rainbow, because sure why not?
17. A raygun nose trimmer, because it's 2020 and time to start living in the future.
18. A book of dark and disturbing stock photos to flip through when you want to get really bummed out.
19. A pack of stretchy chicken shooters you can slingshot at your desk neighbors when they're henpecking you.
20. A coloring book featuring cat butts or farting animals that'll be a ~gas~ to color in.
21. A pack of push pins so you can hang up all your buzz-worthy photos.
22. A phone case of Ross Gellar for people who are FINE.
23. A snowman building kit you can mold into whatever deranged shape you want.
24. A custom voodoo doll to help you get revenge remotely, the old-fashioned way.
25. A reverse merperson enamel pin for a cheeky new look.
26. A cable charm that protects your cord from fraying AND makes it look like a unicorn is nibbling on your phone.
27. A book of rude puzzles for adults who love a good teaser.
28. A pair of wolf boxers that'll make you howl with laughter.
29. Toilet Tag — a game you play with a partner while you're each on the toilet. Try to predict the future, answer hypotheticals, and play mini games one bathroom trip at a time.
30. A pair of earrings that might be your best accessories yet — just don't put all your eggs in one basket.
31. Funny faced sandals worth bringing on your next vacation.
32. And a bottle-sized glass of wine, so you don't have to worry about refilling all the dang time.
Live footage of me showing off all my weird stuff:
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