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1. A firm but fair tee that lets Grumpy Cat say "NO!" for you.
2. A sparkly keychain looking to swap places with Ariel in The Little Mermaid.
Promising review: Not gonna lie...bought this as a Christmas present and when I got it in the mail, it was too cute to give it away and now it’s on my keys! Whoops!" —Chelsea
Get it from UnicornRockStar on Etsy for $15.
3. A pack of abusive balloons to break out when it's someone really annoying's birthday.
4. A skull spoon that's representative of how you feel about mornings.
Promising review: "Even though it really doesn't hold any sugar, the spoon does look really cool and it's durable. It's also dishwasher safe, which is nice. Just don't purchase it if you were really looking forward to actually using it as a sugar spoon. I bought this for my mom and she said it's really difficult to actually use it for sugar, but she's still absolutely obsessed with it!" —jdepp
Get it from Amazon for $7.45+ (available in two finishes).
5. A neon light dedicated to how much you love the word "ugh."
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $79.
6. A festive garland laying down some ground rules for your party.
It's not rude if it's written in glitter.
Get it from LettersOfLuce on Etsy for $12.97 (available in five colors) or something similar from Amazon for $14.95.
7. An oven mitt that understands the joy that comes with wielding a sharp blade.
Promising review: "I love this '50s-style oven mitt! The colors are a bit brighter than I'd anticipated, but the joke speaks to me. My friends think it's hilarious in a cute/psycho way." —Alyssa Bernblum
Get it from Amazon for $12.99.
8. A teabag or spoon rest for people looking to enjoy their tea in solitude, thanks.
Get it from WooodlandFactory on Etsy for $14.42 (available in three designs).
9. A pair of socks to wear on days you truly can't even.
Promising review: "The color on these socks is just as true and vibrant as you see in the photo. They have a nice durable thickness that makes me confident they will last for a good long time and not fall apart. The color has held through several washes. I love Blue Q." —Skylor
Get them from Amazon for $9.99 (available in 35 styles).
10. A flashy pin inspired by all the times you texted someone to duck off.
Get it from ShatteredStore on Etsy for $10.
11. A pair of sound-canceling headphones you can count on as a reasonable excuse as to why you never chime in on the conversation at work.
Promising review: "Awesome headphones! I bought these for work. I share a large office with another person and needed something to block out his constant talking to himself. I have several other Bluetooth headphones but I can't turn them up loud enough to drown him out without damaging my hearing (I've tried). These work magnificently! The sound quality is exceptional: very close to my Bose headphones but at less than a quarter of the cost. Highly recommend these." —Mark E.
Get it from Amazon for $69.99+ (available in three colors).
12. A classic pink eraser that says "go away" to all those unwanted pencil marks (and people).
Get it from MeanieMart on Etsy for $1.50.
13. A retro mug to sip out of while performing the tenth eye-roll of the day.
14. A "Do Not Disturb" sign that doubles as a bottle opener so you can take care of all your troubles in one fell swoop (swig?).
Get it from Amazon for $13.90.
15. A coffin-shaped, embroidered patch meant to be worn front and center so everyone knows you're dead serious.
16. Perpetual Disappointments Diary — a guided journal you can vent to about all of life's little injustices.
Promising review: "Every year is fraught with tools and troubles. Finally a yearly diary that lives up (or down) to expectations." —Cheryl Claussen
Get it from Amazon $14.13.
17. A set of bad parking notes that will save so much time in the parking lot each morning.
There are five different messages, including tell-offs like "Learn to park, asshole," and "Ford 3:50 — And the Lord sayeth, you park like a fucking moron."
Get a pack of 50 from Amazon for $12.99.
18. A seemingly friendly mug to take huge swigs from whenever someone gets on your nerve.
Promising review: "I got this for my retired father who lives with me. He now uses it to passive-aggressively provide feedback to my morning chatter. This has brought him an innumerable amount of happiness and glee." —Andrew A. Russell
Get it from Amazon for $6.79.
19. A squishy stress toy you can squeeze the heck out of when you hit the fist-clenching anger stage of the day.
20. A T-shirt happy to help people decipher your nuanced facial expressions.
21. A lovely print, perfect for anyone who aspires to have their own Stanley Hudson–level outburst.
22. An emoji pillow capable of serving devastating looks even when you're not around.
23. Caffeinated chocolate to soothe your 4 p.m. crankiness.
24. A laundry bag that doubles as a punching bag so you can unleash your fury over having to do laundry yet again.
25. A Funko Pop! doll dedicated to the OG (Original Grouch).
Promising review: "I collect the 'bad guys' of different movies, tv shows, etc. Oscar is as close to a bad guy as you get in the Sesame Street muppet realm. He was also always my favorite so I was very excited to see this Funko Pop. I was not disappointed. He's absolutely adorable and the quality on this one was great." —TheHollows
Get it from Amazon for $10.99.
26. A dick mug because you're always saying that's what the coffee tastes like.
27. An ostrich pillow that you can use to block out all the people you don't want to talk to.
28. A zippered pouch to help deal with all the people with sticky fingers in your life.
29. A crewneck sweatshirt to wear while being dragged kicking and screaming out of your apartment.
Get it from Look Human for $35 (available in sizes XS–3XL and four colors).
When nothing can fix your horrible mood:
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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