Skip To Content

    29 Strange As Hell Valentine's Day Gifts To Give Your Favorite Weirdo

    Oh, uhm...thank you?

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    Hey! While we’re doing our best to make sure the products we feature will arrive in time for Valentine’s Day, shipping times can vary depending on where you live, which product you purchase, and more. Be sure to double check the retailers’ websites for shipping information to ensure that your gift will arrive in time for the 14th!

    1. A pack of tiny squishy penis toys or a large penis pillow for a willy good gift.

    Amazon, Firebox

    Get a pack of five squishies from Amazon for $7.99 or the pillow from Firebox for $22.99.

    2. A classic box of chocolate, butt! with a twist we can all get behind.

    Amazon

    Anuses! The chocolate is shaped like little anuses.

    Promising review: "These are the greatest gift to give to a proctologist. :D I had two surgeons that had worked with my husband, so I sent these as thank you gifts. They absolutely loved them! It was a hilarious gift and worth the price! The chocolates were actually very tasty also. Would 100% buy again!" —Dawn

    Get a box of six from Amazon $8.94.

    3. A six-pack of nightmare sodas in novelty flavors sure to make their eyes pop.

    Amazon

    The flavors are: bacon, buffalo wing, sweet corn, pumpkin pie, ranch dressing, and peanut butter and jelly. They're all made with pure cane sugar and ill intent.

    Get them from Amazon for $23.69.

    4. A Paul Blart enamel pin for an arresting new accessory.

    HotToTrotPress

    Get it from HotToTrotPress on Etsy for $11.

    5. A creepy Pennywise or anatomical heart bath bomb sure to make their heart skip a beat.

    WickedSudsCreations, AlluringElixirs

    Get Pennywise from WickedSudsCreations on Etsy for $7 or the heart from AlluringElixirs on Etsy for $8.99.

    6. A custom cushion featuring your beautiful mug, so "sit on my face" can have a brand new meaning.

    Firebox

    It takes 5–7 days to make.

    Get it from Firebox for $23.99.

    7. A squirrelly teddy bear I'm sure that they'll be nuts about.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

    8. A pair of bread slippers, aka loafers, to keep their toes nice and toasty.

    Amazon

    Get them from Amazon for $16.99+ (available in sizes M–L and four styles).

    9. A bottle opener featuring Dwight wearing the face of that CPR dummy. What a nice way to tell someone that you wanna give them the kiss of life...and then stab them and take their face.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $10.95.

    10. A gift card to the most romantic spot you can think of: Taco Bell.

    instagram.com

    Listen, I just saw a recently married couple enjoying some cheesy gordita crunches at the Taco Bell Cantina in Vegas. NO PLACE IS MORE ROMANTIC.

    Get it from Amazon for $25.

    11. A pair of stainless steel collar stays to keep their collars looking sharp and to keep their minds on you.

    Amazon

    Get them from Amazon for $11.99.

    12. Jizz the game, a party game that'll come in handy for otherwise dull get-togethers.

    Firebox

    Fill this gizmo up with water (or any other liquid) to get started. Spin the balls to see how many pumps the player needs to perform, plus where they need to aim it.

    Get it from Firebox for $26.99.

    13. You've Got Crabs — a fun card game that lets you be able to say that phrase to your partner without a clawful response.

    Amazon

    The game includes 78 cards, instructions, a foam turn indicator, 28 crab points, and a box with three drawer compartments. It's intended for ages seven and up. To play the game, split into teams of two, create a secret signal, and try to get four matching cards that only your partner knows about. Be sure to pick up the expansion pack to get the crab claws shown in the picture!

    Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

    14. An elephant thong for anyone with some junk in the trunk.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99+ (available in three styles).

    15. A pair of chicken socks and a handbag to match so they can look really clucking good.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    Get them from Amazon: the socks for $9.99 (available in two sizes) or the bag for $39.95.

    16. An iron throne pet bed so their ruthless cat can have a proper place to sit and glare at you.

    MadeForPets

    Get it from MadeForPets on Etsy for $275.

    17. A mermaid sequin pillow case that reveals a national treasure when they pet it.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    This is just the case so grab an insert here.

    Get it from Amazon for $10.58 (available in 10 colors).

    18. Fifty Shades of Chicken — a punishingly good cookbook for sultry poultry lovers.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Beautiful book. The pictures and quality of this book is gorgeous and the recipes are also unique. I almost want to buy one for myself (I got it for someone as a gift). I'm not a Fifty Shades gal but this is still awesome. Definitely a high quality yet fully functional gag gift." —Avery T

    Get it from Amazon for $12.79 or from a local bookseller through Indiebound.

    19. A jar of dill dough, because that's what they wanted right? Dill dough?

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $12.95.

    20. And a dill-icious looking pickle jar necklace to match.

    qminishop

    Get it from qminishop on Etsy for $15 (available in two chain styles).

    21. A pair of animal panties or boxers they're sure to fauna over.

    Amazon

    Get the panties for $5.59+ (available in sizes M–L and 36 styles) or the boxers for $9.89 (available in sizes L–XXL and three colors).

    22. Or a pair of Fundies for the couple that likes to be as close as possible.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $8.93.

    23. A somewhat aggressive candle sure to make them think of you (and maybe furtively glance around the house) every time they light it.

    AtoZCandles

    Get it from AtoZCandles on Etsy for $12+ (available in three sizes and 11 scents).

    24. The Story of Life — an informative illustrated explainer by Chris (Simpsons artist) on everything they need to know about the world.

    Amazon

    If you haven't seen Chris (Simpsons artist)'s work before, here ya go.

    Promising review: "Not everyone shares the same sense of humor so you may not think it is funny. I haven't read anything so funny in my whole life. Absurd, surreal, and absolutely 1000% funny." —Daniel Bradley

    Get it from Amazon for $10.59.

    25. A toast-shaped crossbody purse to give to the loaf of your life.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $4.22+ (available in three colors).

    26. A pack of cards touting expert advice from the "World's Most Celebrated Felines."

    Amazon

    It comes with 50 advice cards, plus a booklet with information on the cats and how to use the cards.

    Promising review: "This is a really fun deck with some super interesting insights and messages. I really enjoy working with it and my clients enjoy a Caturday-themed card pull with them!" —KalaLaRue

    Get it from Amazon for $13.49.

    27. A one-pound bag of cereal marshmallows that'll save them the trouble of picking out all the non-charms from their Lucky Charms.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "My soulmate snack. Buying these charms was one of the best decisions of my life. The bag is twice the size of my head. The marshmallows are aesthetically pleasing and delicious. It's everything I ever wanted in a snack." —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $10.99.

    28. Blobfish slippers to match their dour outlook on Valentine's Day.

    Amazon

    Get them from Amazon for $24.99.

    29. And an eggplant bar soap with a strong resemblance to your favorite emoji to send them. 🍆❤️

    Lush

    It's made with coconut oil, aubergine decoction, lemony litsea cubeba oil, and calming ho wood oil. It's vegan and cruelty-free.

    Get it from Lush for $6.95.

    Happy Valentine's Day to you and your...special someone.

    Fox

    Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    BuzzFeed

    Need A Shopping Buddy?

    Get great products - from pros in the fine art of buying stuff online - delivered to your inbox!
    Newsletter signup form