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Hey! While we’re doing our best to make sure the products we feature will arrive in time for Valentine’s Day, shipping times can vary depending on where you live, which product you purchase, and more. Be sure to double check the retailers’ websites for shipping information to ensure that your gift will arrive in time for the 14th!
1. A pack of tiny squishy penis toys or a large penis pillow for a willy good gift.
2. A classic box of chocolate, butt! with a twist we can all get behind.
3. A six-pack of nightmare sodas in novelty flavors sure to make their eyes pop.
4. A Paul Blart enamel pin for an arresting new accessory.
5. A creepy Pennywise or anatomical heart bath bomb sure to make their heart skip a beat.
6. A custom cushion featuring your beautiful mug, so "sit on my face" can have a brand new meaning.
7. A squirrelly teddy bear I'm sure that they'll be nuts about.
8. A pair of bread slippers, aka loafers, to keep their toes nice and toasty.
9. A bottle opener featuring Dwight wearing the face of that CPR dummy. What a nice way to tell someone that you wanna give them the kiss of life...and then stab them and take their face.
10. A gift card to the most romantic spot you can think of: Taco Bell.
11. A pair of stainless steel collar stays to keep their collars looking sharp and to keep their minds on you.
12. Jizz the game, a party game that'll come in handy for otherwise dull get-togethers.
13. You've Got Crabs — a fun card game that lets you be able to say that phrase to your partner without a clawful response.
14. An elephant thong for anyone with some junk in the trunk.
15. A pair of chicken socks and a handbag to match so they can look really clucking good.
16. An iron throne pet bed so their ruthless cat can have a proper place to sit and glare at you.
17. A mermaid sequin pillow case that reveals a national treasure when they pet it.
18. Fifty Shades of Chicken — a punishingly good cookbook for sultry poultry lovers.
19. A jar of dill dough, because that's what they wanted right? Dill dough?
20. And a dill-icious looking pickle jar necklace to match.
22. Or a pair of Fundies for the couple that likes to be as close as possible.
23. A somewhat aggressive candle sure to make them think of you (and maybe furtively glance around the house) every time they light it.
24. The Story of Life — an informative illustrated explainer by Chris (Simpsons artist) on everything they need to know about the world.
25. A toast-shaped crossbody purse to give to the loaf of your life.
26. A pack of cards touting expert advice from the "World's Most Celebrated Felines."
27. A one-pound bag of cereal marshmallows that'll save them the trouble of picking out all the non-charms from their Lucky Charms.
28. Blobfish slippers to match their dour outlook on Valentine's Day.
29. And an eggplant bar soap with a strong resemblance to your favorite emoji to send them. 🍆❤️
Happy Valentine's Day to you and your...special someone.
Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!
