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    31 Things That Will Be Rude So You Don't Have To Be

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    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI β€” prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A faux collar so you can curse people out in the fanciest way possible.

    etsy.com

    Get it from CollarMePrettyCo on Etsy for $38.15.

    2. A pack of abusive balloons that are honestly perfect for any occasion.

    awin1.com

    Get a pack of 12 from Firebox for $10 or something similar from Amazon for $12.95.

    3. A sassy mug with enough to say for the both of you.

    society6.com

    Get it from CynthiaF on Society6 for $15.99.

    4. An explicit coloring book for when you need to relax THIS SECOND.

    amazon.com, amazon.com

    Promising review: "This book is amazing! I received it as a gift because I had to have knee surgery and was going to be laid up for a while! Made my day!" β€”Jacob Phillip Long I

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99.

    5. A pair of socks that send a stern warning to all those who might annoy you today.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "Bought a few pairs of these sassy socks for my 19-year-old daughter. I put them in her Christmas stocking. Not only were they a hit, minutes after she uncurled them, she was lining them up and taking a pic to text to her friends, lol. What kind of cool yet hilarious mom gifts these sassy socks to their kid? Me, that’s who!" β€”TheXRAYest

    Get them from Amazon for $9.99 (also available in 12 other designs).

    6. RuPaul’s Drag Race–inspired notebooks with words of wisdom that everyone can benefit from.

    awin1.com

    Get a pack of three from Firebox for $14.19.

    7. A bowling shirt that has you ~pinned~.

    valfre.com

    Get it from Valfre for $64 (available in sizes XS–XXL).

    8. A satin robe sure to help you finally unwind, once everyone gets the message.

    sugarbones.net

    Get it from Sugarbones for $49.

    9. A book of rude hand gestures from around the world so you can silently curse people out no matter where you are.

    awin1.com

    Get it from Amazon for $11.12, Barnes & Noble for $11.04, Firebox for $14.19, or a local bookseller through IndieBound here.

    10. A glittery banner that sternly (but fairly) reminds everyone to GTFO by midnight.

    etsy.com

    Get it from Gaypartysupply on Etsy for $13.50 (available in 11 colors).

    11. A surprise mug you can tilt back when you want to say "fuck you" but also need more coffee.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This mug makes my day every time I look at it sitting on my desk! Perfect for my kind of humor and still discreet enough that no coworkers even know what’s on the bottom!" β€”KMill

    Get it from Amazon for $8.14.

    12. A cropped sweater for anyone who thinks plastic bags are way too upbeat.

    valfre.com

    Get it from Valfre for $68 (available in sizes XS–XXL).

    13. A custom beret that can say any mean or dismissive phrase you want.

    etsy.com

    Get it from WildflowerandCompany on Etsy for $34 (available in three beret colors and 14 thread colors).

    14. A graphic tee wishing everyone could just leave or turn into cats.

    torrid.com

    Get it from Torrid for $24.67 (available in plus sizes 0–5).

    15. A notepad you can fill out and hand to anyone pissing you off today.

    amazon.com

    It comes with 50 sheets so you can really vent.

    Get it from Amazon for $6.33 (also available in 16 other styles).

    16. A baseball hat that finishes the conversation when you turn away.

    amazon.com

    Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

    17. An umbrella for flipping the bird to the birds, but also mostly to the rain.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "Awesome umbrella! I gave it as a gift and it was perfect! She opened it and laughed so hard. Opens nice and compacts well to fit in a large purse or car." β€”Kelly

    Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

    18. A pennant flag enamel pin that offers encouragement or admonishment, depending on who's reading it.

    etsy.com

    Get it from lostlustsupply on Etsy for $8.50.

    19. A doormat with an ambigram that says "come in" or "go away" depending on your mood.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "I love this clever little mat. I gave it as a housewarming gift, and once everyone figured out the little upside-down trick, we all had a great laugh. Everyone enjoyed the gift. It's also a thick and substantial, although maybe a little too thick. I have tripped over it a couple times. But other than that, I would recommend this product." β€”Tina B.

    Get it from Amazon for $31.12.

    20. Middle finger earrings so you can flip everyone off all day without straining your hands.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "These are AWESOME and they don't turn your ears green! I have worn these every day for months, never taking them out and they have NEVER caused me any problems, they have never lost color or shine." β€”Family of five

    Get two pairs from Amazon for $8.29.

    21. A graphic tee revealing your true nature and hopefully getting you out of small talk.

    torrid.com

    Get it from Torrid for $26.17 (available in plus sizes 00–5).

    22. A sparkly embroidered patch that's just eye-catching enough to work.

    shopankit.com

    Get it from Ankit for $14.99.

    23. A pack of calling cards you can hand out to anyone who's annoying you.

    wildfang.com

    Get a pack of 25 from Wildfang for $12.

    24. A pair of tights to wear on days you don't even have the energy to tell people off.

    etsy.com

    Get them from emteesee on Etsy for $26.35 (available in sizes S–XL and five word combinations).

    25. A pastel key hook that will be the ~key~ to your solitude.

    urbanoutfitters.com

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $18.

    26. A roll of middle finger washi tape for the most aggressive scrapbooking ever.

    etsy.com

    Get it from JulieAnnArt on Etsy for $4.50 or Amazon for $7.

    27. A snarky beanie that gets everything sorted out before anyone has time to speak.

    jacvanek.com

    Get it from Jac Vanek for $24.

    28. A uterus decal for your car or laptop when everyone is just ~cramping~ your style.

    amazon.com

    I realize that decal is now directed at me for making that pun.

    Get it from Amazon for $4.98.

    29. A really fucking cheery mug that lets everyone know how you feel.

    jacvanek.com

    Get it from Jac Vanek for $14.

    30. Racket vibration dampeners β€” just because you're vibrating with rage doesn't mean your racket has to.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This dampener is easy to get on and fits snugly. I've only used for one match but it locked onto strings and didn't slide after a mishit. A great way to let off a little steam when your opponent is taking the match too seriously." β€”thebabydoc

    Get two from Amazon for $7.99 (available in six colors; also available in five packs).

    31. And a striped muscle tank with a flower that reflects how you feel inside: "touch me, and I will bite you."

    wildfang.com

    Get it from Wildfang for $40.

    Maybe it's Maybelline, maybe it's go the hell away.

    CW

    Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed

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