12 Bold Superpowers You Wish Actually Existed

Time-traveling powers are old hat. Defeat your enemies with these bold superpowers instead. There are two ways to go through life — choose wisely with Bacardi Oakheart.

1. The Power to Annihilate Your Enemies With the Perfect One-Liner

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"I never forget a face, but in your case, I’d be glad to make an exception."

2. The Power to Change the Channel Without Using the Remote

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The TV is absolutely no match for you.

3. The Power to Cut the Line

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And not get an ounce of flak for it.

4. The Power to Fart Silently

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Now all you need to do is blame the smell on something else.

5. The Power to Add Guacamole to All of Your Meals for No Extra Charge

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Guac is extra? Not anymore!

6. The Power to Know What Your Dog Is Thinking About You

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Man's best friend always knows what's up.

7. The Power to Make Your Mother-in-Law Like You

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She won't even care that your shirt isn't tucked in and that you're hungover.

8. The Power to Eat All of the Hamburgers Without Gaining Weight

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Perhaps the greatest power of all?

9. The Power to Turn Your Tears Into Cash

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If you're going to cry, you BETTER be getting paid for it.

10. The Power to Make It 5 O'Clock Wherever You Are

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Oh look at that! Work is already over AND it's happy hour!

11. The Power to Make Yourself Incredibly Big

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Nothing can stop you when you're literally unstoppably huge.

12. The Power to Never Sweat

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No. More. Pit. Stains. Ever.

Thumbnail image via Thinkstock.