We Got Non-'80s People To Guess The Meaning Of '80s Slang

The '80s were weird and awesome. Maybe use these words when you go see Heathers the Musical at Arts Centre Melbourne. Buy your tickets now.

Jake: A word that describes a phone's battery that has been depleted by a dating app like Grindr.

Ari: What your alleged age on "Grindr" is (not to be confused with your real age).

Emily: Your score on Grindr, based on how many men send you dick pics.

Eileen: Describing an extreme amount of nut-rubbing going on between teenagers at a high school dance.

Actual meaning: Used to describe food and/or eating, e.g., "Want to get out of here and go somewhere for some grindage?"

Louise: Semen.

Brad A: Ha...sicko.

Ashley B: Feelin' yourself.

Kirk: (adjective?) Good, but usually said in a sarcastic way. "Isn't that spiffy?" means "Isn't that swell?" but actually means the exact opposite: "Isn't that really dorky and lame?"

Chris: Clean.

Actual meaning: Something interesting or cool, e.g,. "Your new jacket is pretty spiffy, where did you get it?"

Louise: This one's easy: a patchwork dog that is sworn to protect you.

Davo: A dog with a watch.

Kat: Drug finder.

Kirk: (noun) Some kind of Swatch watch–wearing asshole.

Chris: Is it what happens when a dag grows up?

Actual meaning: Someone who follows and tries to keep up with fashion trends, e.g., "Tim just bought new Jordans. What a swatch dog.

Louise: Is this just really bad code for party pills?

Brad A: It's not something you put up your butt.

Kirk: (noun) A metaphorical drug that will help you calm down or chill "out". One must always "take" a chill pill.

Chris: I'm not sure, because I think it only got legalised in a couple states of America in the last two or three years.

Actual meaning: To ask someone to relax, e.g., "Take a chill pill, Jane — who cares they ran out of your favourite Messina flavour?"

Jake: Peanut butter's ultimate form.

Emily: When you have bad skin and it looks like you have crunch under your makeup.

Mandy: To be sexy in a dirty (unclean) way.

Eileen: Britney's bangs after half a can of hair spray.

Actual meaning: To be jealous, e.g., "Sophie's crunchy. Lisa got the job she wanted."

Louise: When you feel like death because you're hungover.

Ashley B: VIP right here.

Chris: Is it when your crew is on point, like, they all look really good?

Actual meaning: Something excellent or good, e.g., "Jenny got free tickets to see Cold Chisel. Crucial."

Louise: A shopping centre for poor people.

Brad A: It was a more PG way of saying slut, girl that gets around, whore, hooker.

Ashley B: Molly...but when did kids ever call it ecstasy?

Kirk: (noun) A girl. This is 1920s slang for women who would hang out with gangsters.

Chris: That's that girl Miley Cyrus always sings about. She sounds fun.

Actual meaning: Used to call someone a slut or bitch, e.g., "Matt's going on his third date this week, what a moll."

Brad A: The charge for something.

Chris: The pain you feel when ur crush text u back like, "k."

Dave: When you decide to drink on a school night.

Actual meaning: To express frustration to a situation or person, e.g., "What's your damage, Heather?"

Jake: Is this a sex thing?

Mandy: Sit out in gym class and blame it on menstrual cramps.

Tyler: What you do if you want to get out of The Matrix.

Actual meaning: To tell someone to stop, e.g., "Take a red, Brad, that joke went too far," or to make an exclamation, e.g., "Take a red! Brad did not just say that?"

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Louise: A legionnaire hat?

Davo: A weird sexual fetish. Or maybe just a place you put your pillow.

Kirk: (noun) Breasts?

Chris: I bet this is, like, a way to say someone's sweet new white tee is terrible. "Oh man, Johnny thinks his pillowcase looks cool, but it's got drool on it!"

Actual meaning: Refers to being forgetful or unthoughtful, e.g., "Where were you? You forgot my birthday. Such a pillowcase."

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Brad A: To add a bigger impact to a point.

Ashley B: More more more.

Kirk: (adjective) A lot.

Chris: A weird way to pronounce "berry"?

Actual meaning: To refer to something as being impressive or awesome, e.g., "Want to go for a swim? Come on, it'll be very."

Buy tickets to go see Heathers the Musical now. And bring back some of these words to use in your everyday life. It'll be very.

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