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1. DON'T DO IT.
2. UGH, IF YOU MUST, FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING TIPS ...
3. FIRST, IF YOU DON’T DRINK, DON’T LOOK FOR LOVE AT A BAR. UNLESS YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T DRINK AT THE BAR, THEN HANG ON TO THAT LIKE A BARNACLE.
4. DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH MARRIED WOMEN. THEY’RE TAKEN. JUST ASK THIS GUY.
5. IF YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HER BEFORE SHE GOT MARRIED… GODSPEED.
6. DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH GAY WOMEN. THEY’RE ALSO LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND.
7. DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN. YES, I KNOW SHE HAS CURLY HAIR AND A GUITAR, BUT STOP IT, YOU’RE NOT IN LOVE.
8. IF A FRIEND WALKS INTO A ROOM AT 11:59PM AND SAYS SHE NEEDS TO KISS EVERYONE BEFORE HER BIRTHDAY ENDS, DON’T HESITATE. BUT BE RESPECTFUL, IT’S HER BIRTHDAY FOR PETE’S SAKE.
9. ALSO, DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH THE FRIEND YOU KISSED ON HER BIRTHDAY. IT WAS ONLY A KISS. (You don't get this kind of detail unless you've lived it. Sigh.)
10. IF SHE SAYS SHE HATES ROSES, DON’T SEND HER ROSES. I DON’T CARE THAT IT’S VALENTINES DAY, DON’T SEND HER ROSES!
11. IF SHE’S ADAMANTLY AGAINST EATING TWINKIES, LET HER GO. A LIFE WITHOUT TWINKIES IS DEVOID OF LOVE.
12. IF YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM YELLING "EXPELLIARMUS!" AND SHE DOESN’T DROP WHATEVER’S IN HER HAND, BREAK UP.
13. IF YOU CAN’T LOOK AT HER PHONE, SHE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU.
14. IF SHE CAN’T LOOK AT YOUR PHONE, YOU DON’T DESERVE HER.
15. IF SHE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH TOM HIDDLESTON, QUESTION EVERTYHING.
16. IF A WOMAN INVITES YOU OVER TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, YOUR LIFE HAS BEGUN.
17. IF SHE PLAYS SOCCER, ACCEPT THAT YOU’LL NEVER BE TOUGHER THAN HER.
18. YOU KNOW WHAT, SHE'S A WOMAN, YOU'LL NEVER BE TOUGHER THAN HER.
19. ALSO, HER EYES ARE UP HERE. JUST... THEY ARE.
20. LASTLY, FACEBOOK IS NOT REAL LIFE! YOU WANNA FALL IN LOVE, GO OUTSIDE!
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