All 21 "Jane The Virgin" Couples, Ranked

Who puts the NOOOO in telenovela? (Warning: Here there be spoilers!)

21. Emilio and Rose

The CW / Via variety.com

If open communication is the key to a good relationship, then there's nothing positive about a marriage between a shady rich asshole and a homicidal crime lord with a thing for latex face masks. Hope the cement didn't clog your arteries, Emilio.

20. Petra and Milos

The CW / Via afterellen.com

Even in Czech, we doubt that "love" translates to "maim your mother, drive you out of the country, and blackmail you into marriage." This is America, Milos, and that's just creepy.

19. Petra and Lachlan

The CW / Via giphy.com

These former fiances did nothing but backstab each other and have passionless sex. If you're going to be the most miserable couple ever, at least be interesting about it.

18. Rafael and Abbey

The CW / Via cwtv.com

Her defining feature was "nice enough," and he cared even less than we did. Even the narrator's metacommentary on Rafael's most forgettable girlfriend didn't excuse the total waste of screen time.

17. Petra and Roman

The CW / Via bustle.com

These two actually had some chemistry. They were both awful people cheating on their best friend/husband, but we were actually rooting for them for a second there. Then, Roman revealed his true colors and got his just-ICE desserts.

16. Xiomara and Marco

The CW / Via recapguide.com

Marco was a sweet, cute star soccer player who did nothing wrong. But alas, Xo's heart wasn't in it (and her lips should have stayed out of it too).

15. Michael and Nadine

The CW / Via foreveryoungadult.com

After Jane broke his heart, Michael deserved to chase a little bit of strange. But turning his partner-in-crime(-solving) into his bed partner was an exercise in convenience more than passion. Also, uh...this one didn't end well.

14. Jane and Professor Chavez

The CW / Via foreveryoungadult.com

Okay, we've all had that beautiful professor who we'd totally make a move on. Props to Jane for (almost) hitting that, but that kind of power imbalance still registers on the Ick-ter scale.

13. Xiomara and Bruce

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For all their buildup and emotional backstory (they changed for each other!!), this reunited couple was never all that convincing. Like Xo says, there just wasn't spark. And please, she deserved better than a man with all the personality of a stock portfolio.

12. Rafael and Catalina

The CW / Via foreveryoungadult.com

These two were a match made in beautiful, charming, rich people heaven. But two compulsive liars don't equal an honest relationship. Old Rafael would have forgiven Catalina a little thieving and blackmail in good conscience, but New Rafael dropped her like a hot potato.

11. Rogelio and Dina

The CW / Via spoilertv.com

After ending things with Xiomara, Ro chose the most obvious possible rebound: the head writer of his telenovela. Though a little forced, this not-quite-relationship had some very sweet moments, like Rogelio playing smart to impress Dina's smartie-pants friends.

10. Luisa and Rose

The CW / Via s1.zetaboards.com

Three lessons here, kiddos. 1) Never fall in love with a sociopath. 2) Never fall in love with a sociopath who murdered your father. 3) Never write a show in which the only queer couple is a father-murdering sociopath and the woman she's abusing. I mean, seriously?!

9. Anezka and Scott

The CW / Via janethevirgin.wikia.com

He was a total slime-ball and she was a bit of a sociopath. You wouldn't want to watch them get their freak on (because ewww), but you were still kind of happy for them. After all, they found the one other person in the world who could actually love them. Until Scott's untimely demise, they were probably the most loyal couple on the show.

8. Jane and Fabian

The CW / Via previously.tv

Aw, our virgin baby's all grown up and banging a telenovela star! Jane's first no-strings-attached lover was sweet and dumb and...yeah, a total mismatch. But it was satisfying in more ways than one to see Jane finally move past her toxic hang-ups with casual sex.

7. Rogelio and Darci

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From their baby contract to their fake marriage, this was the diva couple of a thousand reality TV producer's dreams. Their chemistry never felt romantic, but their friendship tugged on the heartstrings. And hey, the fabulous De La Vega Factor baby may still take the stage!

6. Rafael and Petra

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For a pair who take turns scheming to ruin each other's lives, these two spend way too much time pining for one another. Raf and Petra can summon enough sexual heat to burn down a forrest, but their romance plot has been beaten to death. "Will they, won't they" couples may be the mother's milk of television, but for fuck's sake will they please let this one die. Let them co-parent in peace! Platonically!

5. Petra and Chuck

The CW / Via romper.com

They were polar opposites on paper. She was the definition of "nasty woman;" he probably wrestled alligators. Though she said she was embarrassed to be with Chuck, they undeniably cared for each other. She even came clean about Scott's bones! When does Petra ever voluntarily come clean about the terrible things she does?! Despite the cheating and the murder accusations, this was still probably the healthiest relationship Petra ever had.

4. Alba and Jorge

The CW / Via spoilertv.com

Everyone's favorite abuela finally got some. And by "some," we mean a passionate kiss on a mini-golf course. Shitty as it would've been for Jorge to dump Alba for not putting out, Jorge's gracious acceptance of her chastity was the stuff of a thousand happy sighs.

3. Jane and Rafael

The CW / Via youtube.com

Rafael was one-third of the most tolerable love triangle on television. Even when he lost Jane to Michael, there remained enough love between them to power the tri-state area. They're family, they make each other better, and they would have incredibly hot sex...just saying. Let's cross our fingers for the end game.

2. Jane & Michael

The CW / Via fanforum.com

Jane walked through fire to earn her fairytale ending. Michael was the boy next door, the sweetheart, the simple choice. Theirs might not have been the spiciest romance, but it was the heart of Jane The Virgin until Jane finally checked in her V-card. Nothing to do here but cue the eternal tears.

1. Xiomara and Rogelio

The CW / Via fanforum.com

We hate to throw around the word "soulmates," but...no, for real, Xo and Ro are soulmates. After their teenage romance (enter: Jane!), they cycled through many unfulfilling relationships only to find each other other time and time again. When they finally finally got hitched for real, all crops bloomed and all skin cleared. Just like Jane, we believed in #TrueLove again.