9 Superpowers Women Could Use To Smash The Patriarchy

Diana's just the tip of the iceberg!

1. Lasso of Truth

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Fun fact: Wonder Woman's creator was the same dude who invented the freaking lie detector test. While he might've been wrong about women being "naturally" more honest than men, Diana's golden rope would be perfect for separating misogynist Nice Guys from, you know, actual nice guys.

2. Invisibility

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It’s the perfect solution to street harassment. Just imagine the look on your catcaller’s face when you vanish into thin air, leaving neither hair nor boob for him to ogle.

3. Vocal Revocation

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It doesn’t matter whether you’re a student or a genius research scientist: you’re going to get mansplained. Instead of letting some rando lecture you on what you already know, put the mansplainer on mute like a cheesy car commercial and get back to being someone who knows what she’s talking about.

4. Teleportation

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Compared to men, women feel way more unsafe walking alone at night. Ditch the "keys between the knuckles" trick and the fear — apparate home instead!

5. Organ Manipulation

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Don’t want to get pregnant? Period cramps ruining your life? Eliminate the hassle of accessing reliable contraception by temporarily erasing your uterus from existence.

6. Force-Field Generation

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Some creepers at the bar really don’t know how to take no for an answer. You could give him the tired and true “I’ve got a boyfriend” excuse, but it’d be way more fun to blast him away with the full force of your FUCK OFF energy.

7. Time Control

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Women still do way more housework than men, even though most of us also work full-time jobs. Before you do more than your fair share, stop time long enough to recharge with a nap and a cocktail.

8. Supersonic Voice

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From the classroom to the boardroom, men tend to take over discussions. But it’d be a lot harder for them to interrupt you if your voice was louder than the 1883 Krakatoa eruption. Your colleagues would definitely hear your brilliant points better…at least until their ear drums exploded.

9. Energy Absorption

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Let’s be real: sexism is exhausting. The least the universe could do is grant us the power to suck up solar energy like it’s SunnyD on a hot summer day. Watch out, Superman. The super women are coming.