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    21 Things You Need To Remember From The "Bones" Season 9 Finale

    It was a cliff-hanger, people. A real cliff-hanger.

    1. It starts all cozy with Brennan teaching Booth German.

    Fox

    In the Season 9 finale, titled "The Recluse in the Recliner," Booth (David Boreanaz) is up for a promotion to an administrative position in Berlin, and Brennan (Emily Deschanel) is focusing on teaching him directional adverbs — "right," "left," "up," and "down" — which will most certainly come in handy. Then, Booth gets a mysterious phone call about the McNamaras and the FBI.

    2. Turns out, the call came from a burner cell. And, upon tracing the call, it seems the burner cell got burned, along with the caller.

    Fox

    Yes, the man who called Booth is found dead in a trailer. Is it murder? The answer is yes, it is murder.

    3. They identify the man as Wesley Foster, a journalist and conspiracy theorist.

    FOX

    Was he a harmless quack? Let me ask another question: Do harmless quacks get murdered? No siree bob, they do not. And indeed, back at the lab, the team determines that he did not die of smoke inhalation, which is to say that he was DEAD BEFORE THE EXPLOSION THAT WAS MADE TO LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT. Do dead bodies drink alcohol and then fall asleep while their cigarettes are lit? No siree bob, they do not. Better luck next time, dudes-trying-to-cover-up-murder.

    4. Wesley's hard drive was stolen. How will science know what he had discovered?

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    Well, Wesley was keeping his files on a high-grade steel nipple ring. Finally, nipple rings are getting the good media attention they deserve. Nipple rings: not just for ruffling your moms anymore.

    5. Angela finds a LOT of information damaging to VIPs on this nipple ring.

    Fox

    Angela (Michaela Conlin) is showing everyone these files, and then Booth recognizes a surveillance photo that he took, which means that SOMEONE IN THE FBI IS INVOLVED IN THE WIDESPREAD BLACKMAILING OF PUBLIC FIGURES.

    6. It turns out that the victim worked as a night janitor at a company OWNED BY THE MCNAMARA FAMILY.

    Fox

    He probably stole the files from this security firm! (Security firm. What even is that?) Well, when Booth asks the lady from that firm to cooperate, she essentially says, "Nope, not possible. Sorry, not sorry."

    7. Caroline from the prosecutors office can't get a single, solitary judge to issue her a warrant.

    Fox

    The judges cite "national security" concerns, because it seems that every judge in the area is being blackmailed — the Jeffersonian team can clearly tell that these photos and documents from the nipple ring are being used by someone to blackmail people! Nonetheless, Caroline Julian (Patricia Belcher) is unable to shame the uncooperative judges with her withering stare. "We're looking at someone inside the FBI who can control businessmen, politicians, foreign officials," she tells Booth, probably feeling a bit hurt that she is one of a dozen people in America not worth blackmailing.

    8. Fisher and Brennan discover that Wesley was tortured for information.

    Fox

    And accidentally killed. Hence the cover-up. Killed by a DELTA FORCE OPERATIVE, no less.

    9. Booth has a meeting with a congressman who is super into Booth's promotion.

    Fox

    He's on the subcommittee that's going to almost certainly approve Booth for this new job, he says. He delivers that age-old grumble about "bureaucrats who have no experience on the ground" running the show, because who doesn't love a good congressional grumble?

    10. Knowing how far this conspiracy goes, Booth tells Bones to pretend the murder was not a murder but an accident.

    Fox

    She is not pleased initially, but then she's on board because it's not a bad plan to lull the FBI's covert large-scale blackmailer into thinking he (OR SHE) is safe.

    11. At Booth's congressional hearing for this new Berlin gig, he gets totally ambushed by the very politician who "supported" him.

    Fox

    Moral: Do not trust politicians, because they will just use your subcommittee hearing as a forum to air your questionable execution of an American citizen in Pakistan with no due process. Booth may have executed an American citizen in Pakistan with no due process, but we can all see that the real bad guy is the one who said he liked Booth at lunch yesterday, and is now talking about executions to embarrass Booth in front of his friends. Lying is the real crime.

    12. Booth is immediately SWARMED by the media, who apparently were all there for this minor congressional subcommittee hearing.

    Fox

    Politics, right? Anyway, Booth keeps saying, "No comment," reporters keep brandishing microphones... it's a whole mess and Booth is put on administrative leave within approximately six minutes, because everyone knows that government institutions cannot afford to be bogged down with red tape when there is a delicate situation that must be dealt with swiftly.

    13. Well! It turns out that congressman was being blackmailed with photographs of a him and his male lover!

    Fox

    14. Booth confronts the congressman in a parking garage.

    Fox
    NBC via Tumblr

    Hadley (Peter Mackenzie) tells Booth to let it go. Booth asks Hadley, "Is that why you became a congressman? To let criminals run this country?" Apparently, the answer is yes, because Hadley totally calls some conspiracy dude or another, which is, for some reason, exactly what Booth wanted.

    15. Booth knows that the three crooked Delta Force operatives who killed Wesley Foster are coming to his house to kill him, so he starts making bomblets.

    Fox

    As he's preparing to booby-trap their home, he tells Bones to take Christine (Sunnie Pelant) and go to Max's (Ryan O'Neal) house. She protests. He insists. She says, "Don't you die." It's very romantic and tense.

    16. As Bones is driving away with Christine, Fisher calls her with new information.

    Fox

    Fisher (Joel David Moore) has discovered that two of the Delta Force dudes are right-handed and one is left-handed. Bones believes this could be critical information to Booth, but she knows he won't answer his phone. Hmmm.

    17. Meanwhile, the Jeffersonian computers get hacked! The conspirator is so onto them!

    Fox

    Angela says some plausible-sounding things about a thing she made to trick hackers into thinking she's lost all her data. What do I know about computers. Anyway, it's a setback, but it seems like they'll be OK. And then Cam (Tamara Taylor), who for some reason had been standing around, goes back to combing through Delta Force guys whose DNA is not on file, because the DNA they found for the Delta Force guys who killed Wesley is not on file.

    18. There is an insane gunfight in Booth and Brennan's house.

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    Luckily for these would-be assassins, no neighbors are awakened by the hail of bullets.

    19. Brennan shows up just in time to shoot a man and save Booth.

    Fox

    Booth, although he's been shot (!), still manages to break a man's neck. So that's dramatic.

    20. The medics do not let Brennan ride in the ambulance with Booth.

    Fox

    This is peculiar, and makes me think that they may also be blackmail victims.

    21. Booth almost dies, but he is a strong guy and he pulls through.

    Fox

    He is handcuffed to the hospital bed and Brennan is taken away for questioning. Brennan is quite upset about this, but there are three dead bodies in their house, so maybe this isn't so unreasonable?

    And here are some questions we need answered in the Season 10 premiere:

    1. Will anyone explain the significance of Wesley Foster's heart attack?

    2. Given the large scale of this blackmailing conspiracy, is it possible that not a single Jeffersonian employee is being blackmailed?

    3. Can we trust an FBI deputy director who appeared out of the blue at the end of the last season?

    4. Will Booth remain on administrative leave?

    5. Will Efran Hadley ever come out of the closet?

    6. Can the McNamara family be stopped?

    7. Can we keep believing that the FBI is an inherently good organization with a few bad people trying to undermine it when these "bad guys" are consistently protected by the "good guy" badge of power?

    6. WHO IS WATCHING CHRISTINE?!

    Season 10 of Bones premieres Thursday, Sept. 25 at 8 p.m. on Fox.

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