The Top 10 Most Important Spy Skills

Being a secret agent requires many fine-honed and specialized skills. You know, like drinking and wearing turtlenecks. At least if you’re awesome, like Sterling Archer. Check out his skill set and then watch the “Archer” Season Premiere Tonight at 10PM ET/PT only on FX.

1. A mastery of spy toys

Archer modeling an omicron spymaster.

Okay, maybe not always “mastery” in this case, but in any case, in order to succeed you must know how to handle of different spy gadgets as well as a pulse on the newest ones coming out.

2. Curiosity of a cat

And in this example, literally. Spies have to be curious and vigilant about their environments, always checking out anything suspect or potentially interesting. You don’t want to accidentally get caught in the Danger Zone.

3. Knowing how to play lacrosse

Not only does lacrosse keep you in great shape, but in some cultures, it’ll help you fit in and bond with the locals, keeping your identity and mission secret.

4. A large wardrobe

… And little inhibition about wearing them. Sometimes you just have to blend in, man, and if you’re going to accomplish a mission successfully, you’re going to have to dress like everyone else in order to “blend in.”

5. A “passion” for drinking

Being a secret agent is a tough job, and agents definitely earn the right to knock back a few after, and during, a mission. Otherwise, it’d simply be too stressful.

6. Sex appeal

One must not simply want to have sex, but also to possess the charm of making other people want to have it with you. This may or may not involve top hats, and burning money.

7. Turtlenecks

Owning a closet of “tactlenecks” is a pretty self-explanatory necessity for being a secret agent. It covers up most of your upper body, looks great, and the black is not only slimming, but serves as excellent camouflage. Think about it.

8. Mastery of various weapons

Obviously, to make it as a spy you have to possess a huge arsenal of different weapons, and know how to use them.

9. Directing conversations to get what you want

In a variety of situations, people will say things others shouldn’t know, and as a spy you’ll have to make sure that the conversation either stops completely, or goes in a direction that helps or protects your air of awesomeness from being penetrated.

10. Knowing how to drive like a boss

You can’t always rely on anyone else in a mission, or else you’ll probably just get killed. And, anyway, who doesn’t want to drive lots of insane vehicles?

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