1. Told your date you were taking the subway so you'd appear virtuous, then walked around the block and hopped in a cab.
2. Quietly and discreetly vomited out the window of a cab because there's no way in hell you're willing to risk making the driver mad at you by barfing inside it, no matter how drunk you are.
3. Pretended not to see the ambiguously old person nearby on the subway because it's been a long day, and you don't wanna give up your seat.
4. Also pretended not to see the mom carrying the giant stroller as you're walking up the stairs.
5. Used the breeze from an arriving subway car to evaporate the beads of sweat forming around your hairline on a muggy summer day.
6. Dodged eye contact with performers in the subway cars when they're collecting money, even though they're really good — but you need those quarters for laundry day.
7. Fallen in love with someone on the train and made up a whole cool story of your affair in your head, without ever actually walking over because you don't wanna be weird.
8. Thrown up on the subway into your bag, all while pretending like you are looking for something REAL hard.
9. Shaken your head at the turnstile to make it look like it's broken after you aren't able to swipe it on the first try.
10. Fantasized about jumping in front of the train.
11. Eaten a Thomas's bagel or its equivalent — AND HONESTLY LIKED IT.
12. Walked into a nice restaurant or hotel like you were gonna eat or stay there, but actually instead made a beeline straight for the bathroom.
13. Thrown up on the Lower East Side, only to drink more, eat more pizza after, and then throw up again — only to blame it on the "wild crowd that night."
14. Asked your bagel guy to double toast your fresh, doughy, just-made-this-morning-with-love bagel.
15. Blotted the grease off your pizza when no one was looking.
16. Ordered from Domino's or Papa John's despite our surplus of superior pizza by the slice.
22. Moved in with your S.O. a litttttle bit earlier than you would have otherwise because you wanted to save money on rent.
23. Ordered Chinese food before your date arrived and said you made it.
24. Left a date because you "had to go," i.e., "had to go get pizza." By yourself.
25. Confidently climbed like a spider monkey up your very sketchy/dangerous fire escape ladder while drunk AF at 3 a.m. to show off your roof and its subpar view of the Manhattan skyline to your hookup or date.
26. Set Tinder settings to one mile because there is no way you're actually getting on the subway for a first date.
27. Taken a cross-borough Uber at night because sex.
28. Ended a relationship because that person lived on a shitty subway line.
29. Wondered if your apartment neighbors could hear you having sex.
30. Taken toilet paper from work when you're broke.
31. Walked into Sephora regularly over the course of months to get a tester of a perfume you're too cheap to buy.
32. Refused to ever pay more than $1 for the Met or the Museum of Natural History.
33. Lied about your rent.
34. Legit smiled at a stranger on the street instead of having steady bitchface as you walk to the train.
35. Actually enjoyed being in Midtown. Bryant Park is underrated!
36. Jumped about a mile when a pigeon flew too close to your face, and started air-swiping the sky to make sure it knows not to mess with you.
37. Yelled, "No! TRAGEDY ONLY!" at the "Do you like comedy?" dudes selling tickets.
38. Similarly, yelled "I hate [insert cause]" at those poor charity workers.
39. Humblebragged about being a New Yorker to your friends and family back home.
40. Secretly thought that Times Square was sort of pretty as you were walking through griping about how much you hate it.
46. Exited a subway station, walked VERY confidently in the wrong direction for three blocks, and then pretended to look in your bag and make a mad huffy face so people would think you were turning around because you forgot something.
47. Given a tourist directions confidently when you actually have no idea where you just led them.
48. Or given a tourist directions confidently, realized after they left that you sent them the wrong way, and then didn't chase after them to fix your mistake.
49. Gotten lost in the West Village. (Let's all be honest: It's confusing AF down there.)
50. Lied about the subway not running, or being delayed, to get out of going to things.
51. Or decided as soon as you got an invitation for a weekend evening party in a different borough that you couldn't make it.
52. Taken a cab like three avenues home from the train station because you were too drunk to walk.
53. Decided you'd rather get a ticket than have to move your car/look for parking.
54. Taken a cab instead of the subway just so you could have a semi-private phone conversation (and not give any fucks about your cab driver hearing your whole life story).