1. Expertly judging if an oncoming fart is Something More.
2. Noisily fumbling with the toilet paper holder dispenser before splashdown.
3. Strategically clenching as you waddle to the bathroom when you waited a little too long.
4. Holding your poop 'til the only other person in the bathroom finally leaves and you can plop in peace.
5. Or straight-up holding it 'til you get home because public bathrooms are a NO.
6. Keeping a firm grip on your phone to avoid any unfortunate accidents as you scroll through Instagram.
7. Or creatively locating entertainment when you forgot your phone.
8. Stifling your shocked scream when the automatic flusher goes off.
9. Sitting precisely so no one can make accidental eye contact with you through the stall door.
10. Stealthily pooping at a date's house without them knowing it.
11. Keeping your cool under these stressful circumstances.
12. Making pushing faces so ugly they're basically an art form.
13. Feeling oddly proud at a particularly nicely shaped poo.
14. Or predicting exactly how what you just ate will look coming out the other end.
15. Stalling after you finish so you don’t have to walk past people who heard you on your way out.
16. Executing the perfect U-turn back to the bathroom when it turns out you didn't finish the first time around.
You talented pooper, you.
