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    16 Pooping Skills That Are Never Not Useful

    Add these to the résumé.

    1. Expertly judging if an oncoming fart is Something More.

    Nickelodeon / Via Twitter: @SugaMamaBoom

    2. Noisily fumbling with the toilet paper holder dispenser before splashdown.

    DreamWorks Pictures / Via

    Or executing a well-timed cough.

    3. Strategically clenching as you waddle to the bathroom when you waited a little too long.

    4. Holding your poop 'til the only other person in the bathroom finally leaves and you can plop in peace.

    5. Or straight-up holding it 'til you get home because public bathrooms are a NO.

    Nickelodeon / Via Twitter: @ManOfBing


    6. Keeping a firm grip on your phone to avoid any unfortunate accidents as you scroll through Instagram.

    7. Or creatively locating entertainment when you forgot your phone.

    ROOKIE MISTAKE, but you can work with it.

    8. Stifling your shocked scream when the automatic flusher goes off.

    9. Sitting precisely so no one can make accidental eye contact with you through the stall door.

    10. Stealthily pooping at a date's house without them knowing it.

    11. Keeping your cool under these stressful circumstances.

    12. Making pushing faces so ugly they're basically an art form.

    13. Feeling oddly proud at a particularly nicely shaped poo.

    Adam Ellis / Via

    14. Or predicting exactly how what you just ate will look coming out the other end.

    Comedy Central / Via Twitter: @e_luc5

    Love u, Chipotle.

    15. Stalling after you finish so you don’t have to walk past people who heard you on your way out.

    YouTube/The Most Popular Girls in School / Via

    (But taking a stride of pride is an option too.)

    16. Executing the perfect U-turn back to the bathroom when it turns out you didn't finish the first time around.

    FOX / Via


    You talented pooper, you.

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