Health

21 Threesome Tips From People Who Have Seen Some Shit

Don't invite your best friend to sleep with you and your partner. Just don't.

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We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their best tips for having a successful threesome.

Here's what they had to say about what to do before, during, and after to make it as pleasurable and not-awkward as possible.

Disclaimer: When it comes to threesomes, there are a lot of variables. You might be part of a couple inviting a third person, or maybe you are that third. Or it could just be three single, polyamorous, or otherwise open people having a good time. Not to mention all the possible gender and sexuality combinations. SO, not every item on this list will apply to every person. Just take what you like and leave the rest.

1. Make sure everyone involved actually wants to have a threesome, and that it's not just to make their partner happy.

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"All I want to say is if you're going to have one, make sure you're comfortable with it. I was pressured into a threesome, and after it was over none of us were happy or comfortable."

jasmines4f834770c

2. Also, make sure you have the right intentions and your relationship is solid, because a threesome isn't going to fix anything.

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"Do not have a threesome to spice things up with your partner if your relationship is on the rocks — this can cause a lot of tension, jealousy, and hurt feelings."

alicevonk

3. Set some boundaries ahead of time.

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"Some questions to consider: Will everyone be participating evenly or will one partner be mainly a spectator? Is kissing okay? Will it be kept to oral, or is full penetration with the third acceptable? Figuring that kind of thing out before getting into bed helps with a lot of awkward moments."

—Sharon Brown, via email

4. Discuss what to do if anyone wants to stop, whether that's a full-on safe word or just establishing a ground rule that anyone can bow out at any time.

5. Just...think long and hard before inviting a close friend to a threesome with you and your partner.

MTV

"I had a threesome with my boyfriend at the time and a best friend. Our relationship ended a little while later. Like a week after our breakup, my best friend told me she wanted to date him. Our friendship ended as well. So I lost a boyfriend and a best friend."

bearnut687

6. Watch porn together for inspiration on what positions to try.

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"Obviously porn isn't a great source of sexual education, but there are some good threesome clips that gave me and my partners inspiration for ours. Not to mention, watching together is a good test run for how comfortable or awkward you feel around each other."

—Jenna Markus, Facebook

7. Don't get too drunk.

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"When you're drunk you can't communicate as well, your inhibitions are low so you can't be sure it's a good idea, and you're more likely to have a partner 'forget' a condom."

—Arayah Larson, Facebook

8. Don't be afraid to bring toys.

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"Toys help a lot. It cuts down on someone feeling like the odd-man out and keeps your hands busy with actually pleasuring someone versus just heavy petting them."

copperblaze

9. Pick the space carefully so you won't get, uh, interrupted.

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"I wish I'd known that the dude whose apartment we were fucking all over was actually one that he shared with his sister, and that she and several friends would unexpectedly come home early from a night out and catch us mid-smash and completely naked in the living room."

hollyskittlesb

10. If it's your first sexual experience with a certain gender, make sure you take all the necessary precautions you might not have considered before.

11. Make sure everyone is attracted to everyone. Like, really attracted.

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"My partner and I had to agree on the guy. If one was into a guy but the other wasn't, we wouldn't do it."

brians65

12. And make sure everyone's sexual preferences are ~compatible~ when it comes to things like tops, bottoms, doms, subs, etc.

13. Be prepared for the possibility of feelings developing afterwards — and decide ahead of time if it'd be worth dealing with.

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"I had a threesome with two of my good friends. It was spur of the moment and it was a great time. The only thing that sucked was that the guy that partook ended up liking the other girl and I found out they were hanging out all the time after. It made me feel rejected in a way. I thought it was casual for all of us so to find out they actually liked each other was weird to me. My best advice would be to be prepared for feelings to come after because even though it can seem casual at the moment it's still sex and you never know what could happen."

courtneyt411cbf1f3

14. Prepare to feel a little left out at some point or another. It happens.

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"It's weird to navigate what to do with three bodies if you've never done it before, so you'll probably find yourself on the sidelines at some point. As long as everyone communicated ahead of time, though, it should be fine."

—Bianca Nguyen, Facebook

15. Be conscientious when looking for a third on dating apps.

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"As a bi chick who is so sick of just trying to date and being swarmed by couples on Tinder, here's my advice: Make it very clear in your profile that you're a couple. Don't lure people in with solo pictures then message to say that you're actually searching with your boyfriend for ~casual fun~. Put it in your description that you're looking for a threesome. And if possible, wait for them to message you first. If they're interested, they'll be looking too."

—Andi Link, Facebook

16. Don't demand all the attention be on you.

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"Let everyone have fun with each other as well — do not expect to go from one person to the next while the other watches. That's just rude and self-centered."

alicevonk

17. Discuss safe sex beforehand!!! AKA what STI protection are you planning on using, who will provide it, how ~finishing~ will be dealt with if there's a penis involved, how pregnancy will be prevented, etc.

NMA.tv / Via nmatv.tumblr.com

"I wish I'd discussed safe sex beforehand. I got pregnant during a threesome and it was very messy."

highmaritimer

For a comprehensive list of everything you need to know about having safe sex, check out these 24 diagrams.

19. Decide ahead of time what's going to happen after the sex — like who, if anyone, is going to sleep over — so there's less awkward lying around.

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"The beginning and middle are fun but then you can't really lie there without giggling afterward."

scramm02

20. Relax and be ready to laugh, just like with any other kind of sex.

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"Things are going to be weird, someone might get elbowed in the face, it won't go perfectly. It'll be better if you guys have fun and are able to laugh at yourselves."

—Tracey Karl, Facebook

21. And finally, make sure to debrief afterward, and deal with anything that might come up.

Comedy Central / Via comedycentral.tumblr.com

"It doesn't have to be a full roundtable discussion of how things went, but, like, check in! See how everyone is feeling, provide whatever aftercare is needed, ease any feelings of jealousy or other bad feelings that might've come up, that kind of thing. Communication, people!!!"

—Daria-Anne Mason, Facebook

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