1. Order everything you want from your favorite delivery place, plus enough for leftovers tomorrow.
2. Buy yourself a fancy-ass robe and sit around drinking tea out of goblet like some decadent royal.
3. Send yourself some flowers.
4. Go play Very Seriously with adoptable pets all day.
5. Brag about something you're proud of on social media, because the world always needs a reminder of how awesome you are.
6. Go to the closest department store and stock up on free samples of designer perfume or cologne you can't afford and enjoy smelling fancier than you'll ever be.
7. Binge-watch an entire show you keep saying you're going to get around to.
8. Get yourself a whole cake. LIKE, A WHOLE CAKE, NOT JUST A SLICE.
9. Book someone to deep clean your home, go out for a massage while it's happening, and then come back and enjoy pretending that you're a relaxed human who actually has their life together.
10. Grab a friend and come up with new identities to test out at a bar, restaurant, IKEA, whatever to get out of your own head for awhile.
11. Go free-sampling at your grocery store of choice and leave without buying anything.
12. Give yourself an intense makeover and take so many over-the-top selfies that your camera roll becomes a beautiful mosaic of your beautiful face.
13. Or finally commit to that dramatic hair or clothes transformation so you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes of your funk.
14. Spend an hour planning an elaborate dream vacation.
15. Get some new PJs, take a long luxurious shower or bath, and then clear your day for the most EXTRAVAGANT NAP OF ALL TIME.
16. Go on a candle-smelling adventure and don't stop until you find The Scent that you will lavishly burn all weekend.
17. Spend a day at the movies catching up on all those new releases and enjoy your cultural relevance for weeks to come.
18. Curate the soundtrack of your life and have it queued up for moments you need to pretend you're in a music video or movie montage.
19. Have a nice long masturbation date with yourself, maybe even with a BRAND NEW TOY.
20. Book yourself a last-minute hotel for the night with the help of Hotel Tonight or a similarly helpful discount app.
21. Write over-the-top thank you letters to everyone whose existence you're currently happy about.
22. Come up with a personalized stripping playlist, draw the shades, and practice the ART OF SEDUCTION.
23. Make a Very Legit blanket and pillow fort, crawl in, and proceed to hermit in there until you feel marginally better about the world that's waiting for you outside.
24. Look up your full astrological chart so you can blame your quirks, habits, fuck-ups, and general ennui on the stars and consequently feel better about your multi-dimensional humanness.
25. Don an incredibly wide-brimmed and floppy hat and sunglasses to lounge around people-watching.
26. Pretend to furniture shop and spend the day testing out squishy showroom couches and mattresses.
27. Go outside and find stars and constellations with the help of Sky Map or a similar app, and marvel at how large the universe is.
28. Take a moment to reflect on how cool 13-year-old you would think you are now.
29. Write out your official bio as you hope it looks 5-10 years from now and revel in what a badass you're definitely going to be.
30. And when in doubt, sigh very, very loudly so everyone can be attuned to your suffering and then lavish you with attention.
