1. The stripper pinky:
"I’m usually down for anything fun, so when the guys I was with suggested a strip club I was like, 'LET’S GO!' Long story short, I tried to get up on the stage and dance with the stripper after one too many drinks and I fell on my ass in front of everyone. The stripper slipped and stepped on my hand with her heels. She wound up breaking my pinky finger on my right hand. And to this day we call my finger the 'stripper pinky' and any time the word stripper is even mentioned, it aches."
2. The vacuum attack:
"I’ve always had really long hair (like down to my butt). In sixth grade, I was at my dad's and was doing my chores. One of them happened to be vacuuming the stairs. All of the sudden, my hair got caught in the spinner part and it just kept sucking up more of my hair in seconds. Then the vacuum started hitting me in the face!
I got a horrible black eye and could barely open my left eye for about a day. I also got the one bloody nose I’ve ever had. My mom took my to the doctor and it turns out that I also cracked a bone right below my eye and I still have little scar from it. I kept making up stories as to what happened to me since I didn’t want to tell people at my school that I got attacked by a vacuum."
3. The toilet fiasco:
"I worked at a local hotel and we were having a going away party for the assistant manager at said hotel. I had several drinks and had the incredible urge to take a deuce. Next thing I know, my girlfriend (who is now my ex-wife) was in the bathroom stall telling me to wake up and get back out to the party. I stood up from the toilet, lost my balance as drunks are wont to do, fell onto the cold, hard tiled floor, and snapped my right femur cleanly in two — with my pants and underwear still around my knees. The only bone I’ve ever broke, but quite the story, huh?"
4. The unsavory mouthful:
"When I was 5 years old, I tried to make a rope swing on the monkey bars in my backyard. I couldn't tighten the knot with my hands so I tried using my teeth, slipped, and clenched on the rope with my mouth as I fell. I snapped the roof of my mouth in half."
—Jacquelyn Archey, Facebook
5. The impressive standstill:
"It's not super cringey, but about five years ago I was standing still and talking to my mom when we both heard a pop. I then felt a ridiculous pain in my foot. I started to cry and my mom told me to suck it up because there was no way I broke my foot standing still. Well, my foot started to swell and my dad had convinced my mom to take me to the ER, and it turns out I busted my fifth metatarsal. So that's the story of how I stood still and busted my foot."
—Hannah Rose Speilman, Facebook
6. The deadly wedgie:
"Let me set the stage: I was 9 years old, home alone, and watching TV. I get hungry so I get up to get some popcorn. On my way back to the couch, I realize that I have a wedgie, so needless to say, I attempt to pick it as I am sitting down. Terrible idea because I picked it wrong (who knew there was a correct way to pick a wedgie) and sat down too quickly. Long story short, my finger got smashed under the weight of my butt (still baffled how) and broke. My finger never healed right and to this day, it is still fat and crooked."
—Camille Dawson, Facebook
7. The déjà vu:
"I was really drunk at a friend's house and smoking a cigarette on the balcony when all of a sudden, their little dog came running out of the house chasing a mouse. I kind of jumped up and came down on my foot sideways. I broke the fourth and fifth metatarsals.
The crazy thing is, six years later to the day, I was running late to work, took off running again, and heard something pop and felt excruciating pain in my right foot again. I broke the same exact foot, the same exact bones, on the same exact day just six years later."
8. The too-adoring puppy:
"I had come home from a really long, frustrating day to my loving and energetic dog. I knelt down to give him his much deserved pets and kisses when he exuberantly tossed his head back to lick my face. His rock hard noggin cracked me in the nose and broke my septum. It was a tragic hugging incident, indeed."
—Colleen Amc, Facebook
9. The baby scare:
"I saw a baby fall out of a high chair at a restaurant. She landed on her head and I thought for sure that I had just watched her die. I got so queasy from thinking about it that I fainted. I stopped my fall with my face. Thirty-two stitches and a broken jaw. It’s the only time I have ever broken a bone. The baby was fine, by the way."
10. The miracle of birth:
"My daughter tried coming out sunny side up and broke my tailbone with her fat little head."
—Andrea Lewis, Facebook
11. The only way broke college students entertain themselves:
"First year of university, back in 2009, I was bodily wrapped in sellotape (arms stuck to my sides, legs together...it was a Monday night and we were bored, broke students) and was being chased through our dorm halls. Fearing I was going to trip, fall over and hurt myself (oh the irony!) I leant against a door for support. The door opened just as I put my full weight on it, I fell like a tree in the woods and couldn't put my arms out to stop my fall. Landed straight on my face and knocked myself out cold! Ended up in A&E with a broken nose, four broken teeth, severe concussion, carpet burn all over my face and covered in blood. Two days later my face had swollen up so much I looked like Voldemort!"
—Ellie Crook, Facebook
12. The vengeful log:
"I was at REI and was reaching for a hammock on the top shelf. Little did I know, the hammock was a part of a camp display that included a real log, which, when I grabbed the hammock, came tumbling down square at my face. I was so embarrassed that when the REI worker came over to see if I was OK, I said, 'Yep, totally fine,' even though my whole face was throbbing and I already was starting to get two black eyes.
Then I continued to walk around the store in a daze before deciding I should go home (found out later I had a concussion, hence the wandering). The next day at work, my boss, a trauma surgeon, saw me and told me to immediately go to the ER because yep, I had definitely broken my nose. Who puts a heavy real log precariously on the top shelf? Still love REI though!"
—Savannah Alys, Facebook
13. The two-for-one deal:
"I was already a patient in the hospital for something else. The scrub pants were a bit long, tripped on them, kicked something on my way down and broke my left big toe, so there's a hospital incident report with my name on it somewhere."
—Jennifer Kehn, Facebook
14. The kid who really believed:
"I thought I was Dumbo when I was 2 years old, so I tried to fly by jumping off my brother's bunkbed. I ended up breaking the fourth and fifth metatarsals on my right foot. And to make things worse, I thought I should try again and almost made it, except my mom came in (I was screaming) and took me to the doctor. I still have that purple cast."
—Katie Martin, Facebook
15. The sweet revenge that was kind of worth it, tbh:
"I took martial arts classes in middle school. We would typically get split up into pairs at the end of the lesson to practice sparring. One day I was paired up with this boy that was a lot bigger than me and was sort of known in the class as being unnecessarily rough. We started sparring and he kept punching me really hard in the boobs. The instructor noticed and told him to quit it, but he started doing it again the second the instructor walked away to check on the other kids. To top it off, he SMIRKED at me, so I knew he was doing it deliberately. I totally lost it and roundhouse kicked him to the head with enough force to break my big toe. Needless to say, we both sat out the rest of that sparring session. Pain never felt so satisfying."
—Laura Gauthier, Facebook
16. The person whose love of Kool-Aid betrayed them:
"It used to be a big deal when I was a kid to watch my dad make Kool-Aid. When I was 7, my dad called my into the kitchen because he was making cherry Kool-Aid, my favorite. I ran into kitchen wearing my newest outfit from Old Navy, complete with slippery ass capri pants. I hopped up on the barstool and immediately slipped off, fell backward and slid under the dining room table, breaking my elbow in three places."
—Monique Morris, Facebook
17. The battle for the best view:
"When I was a toddler I was sitting on the kitchen counter, as ornery children do, and my sister shoved me off because she couldn't see the TV. I landed face-first on the floor and have a crooked nose and a permanently bruised tooth as a souvenir!"
—Haley Alyssa, Facebook
18. The breakfast of champions:
"Just this past March, I broke my ring finger while making cereal. While. Making. Cereal. I poured my cereal in and got a spoon, and when I set the spoon down on the counter to go to get my milk, the spoon started to slip off the counter. Naturally, with my ninja reflexes, I quickly went to grab it before it could fall...and ended up slamming my hand into the counter at full force. I heard an almighty CRUNCH and felt pain. We got X-rays done and found that I had a sizable crack in the second joint of my left ring finger. Quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever done."
—Rose Parham, Facebook
19. The hug gone awry:
"I went to hug my friend and she gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever received and then I felt a pop and instant PAIN. I broke my rib getting hugged. That’s it. I win."
20. The pants dance:
"I had recently lost some weight, so I was trying to see if I could fit into a certain pair of jeans again. It was going well at first. I had both of my legs in, but then it all went south when I got to my hips. They wouldn’t get over my hips! I was determined to get these pants on, so I started doing that thing where you jump around while holding the top of your pants to get them on. I’m in my room, between my bed and my mirror, kicking my legs out and jumping side to side just to get these dang pants on. And that’s when it happened. I hit my foot on the corner of my pointy, wooden bed frame. I immediately went down. It hurt so freaking bad! I ended up breaking one of my toes all because I was trying to put on a pair of pants."
21. The aggressive sneeze:
"On my birthday, I was opening presents sitting cross-legged and I sneezed so violently, my nose hit my kneecap and fractured."
22. The not-so-relaxing spa day:
"I broke my foot while getting a pedicure. I didn’t even realize it happened until the next day when I woke up and my foot was swelled up and black and blue. According to the orthopedic surgeon, she massaged my foot so aggressively that it caused a stress fracture. Let’s just say that after two and a half months in a boot, I don’t get foot massages anymore."
23. The savage piece of luck:
"I broke my right arm in the parking lot of the doctors office after getting the cast off my left arm."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.