SUNDAY EVENING BLUES
Have you felt the anxiety and helplessness about the upcoming hectic week? Specially if you are a 9 to 5 worker or a student? Then this article is worth a read.
I wondered if I will be able to do it all over again. Another week ahead, I felt helpless, as if confined by time and space and I couldn't do anything about it. This was the way things were and nothing anymore was in my control. Nothing ever is in anybody’s control, and that’s the way life is.
I stand at the terrace of a fairly new apartment building in the city which provides me with my livelihood, my Job. Ahead the building, is a narrow uphill path which connects the highway between the cities. Vehicles go to and fro in speed all day and late at night. Behind the building lies a large uninhabited area with thick trees. This terrace is my place of escape from the daily routine and chores. The day has ended and sky was changing colours. The airport is somewhere in the direction of north west, and frequently planes can be seen distantly in the sky during takeoff and landings. The sun has had its day, or in better terms, the half earth had had its day, and it was slowly moving towards the dusk, as if tired with all the activities and sunshine. Rest, work and then rest. Day , night and day again, as if life was confined in a viscous cycle of periodicity.
My roommate is there with me, sitting on the thick terrace wall, we both are having black tea, to which I got accustomed to recently. I usually prefer to be alone at this time of the day, by myself, listening to songs on my headphone, but today she accompanied seeing me going upstairs. I don’t want to be rude ignoring her and listening to songs by myself. I keep my headphones down and ask her how has her day been. I am very inactive after the Sunday office and then sleeping like a sloth in the late afternoon up till evening. Sleeping in the afternoons and then waking up in the evening makes me sad, because that is the time when I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t have to rush anywhere or do anything urgently and I am no more tired as usually I am on weekdays and looking for a window of escape from reality of life by surfing internet or watching trending videos/articles. It feels like I have all the time in the world, as if time has stopped. I start contemplating , thinking about what I am doing and why I am doing, whether what I am planning ahead is correct or I am confused. In that moment my roommate, who obviously is not in my state, rather lively and energetic in that moment, captures a photo of mine. With that moment of exposure to camera, I come back to the reality and life. She is happily looking around at the changing colours of sky, the thick cumulus cloud which has moved from one position of sky to another, and then she comes besides me taking selfie on her new photo app recently installed in her new phone. I oblige by smiling into the camera and I find it very difficult to smile in that moment. My roommate is busy now on phone and seeing this opportunity, I keep the headphones on and listen to a trending song on Gaana.com, which is a romantic sad song.
I start to enjoy the sadness of the song, trying to correlate the lyrics of the song to the events of my life (which by the way do not match at all with my life conditions !) but its just that moment of the day when you feel being like that, alone and trying to enjoy a sad song. The song is interrupted by a call from Home, its my mother, and the daily routinely questioning starts. Today I’m in no mood of lying, instead of telling lies to her about having a nutritious meal and tea at time, I tell her the truth about going to office on Sunday, having bread and omelette for lunch because it was late at office and I didn’t want to have office meal. I tell her the truth of not feeling like shopping going to market to buy vegetables and milk, because I just want to be home and have rice and lentils. I tell her the truth that I don’t like doing overtime, I tell her the truth of ignoring my good friends sometime, without any reason to do so. I wonder how much she understood or contemplated about my situation, being so far away, unknown of my daily schedule and people around me and my sudden blurting. But still, today I tell her the truths, because I realised in between these lies and assuring her I am doing totally okay, thinking of her as a simple woman who should not be loaded with worries in her old age and sickness, somehow the communication is lost. From today on I decide to be truthful and tell her everything about how I am feeling because in the end, we humans are not perfect and we all have our anxieties. I realise by hiding things from her, I am not making her assured rather I am building a wall between us through which I leave no opportunity of communication. My mother seems to be a little shocked after talking to me but she keeps the phone down without saying much and I feel relieved about not being cross questioned further.
I listen to the sad romantic song 2–3 times on repeat, enjoying it thoroughly, taking a walk on the terrace. The dark overshadows the evening and I come down to disturb my other roommate, and go back to being normal, because its night and the evening blues are gone.
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