How Did President Trump Win The Hearts, Minds And Steadfast Support Of The Small Welsh Farming Village Of Llanabba?
A fascinating report on the surprising story of the Welsh village of Llanabba's official declaration of unconditional support for the new President and his controversial set of policies. What drove them to stand shoulder to shoulder with the American firebrand in an ever increasing storm?
The Village of Llanabba Sing Songs of Praise for Donald
David ‘Dai’ Evans, Junior Political Correspondent – The Powys Review
Nestled away in a deep recess of the Wye Valley, the village of Llanabba is far from a place that one would necesarilly link to political scholarship, populist movements or the organs of government. However, this small electoral ward in the county of Powys has recently declared itself a rightful member of the Global Power City Index, a report ranking various key measures of economy, research and development, culture, accessibility, environment and livability. Frustratingly, this accolade that the village feels it so rightly deserves has not been awarded by the authority in question due to a perceived bias from the self-appointed adjudicator; Mrs. Bronwyn Jones. Mrs. Jones, the wife of Llanabba’s Postman and Treasurer of the village Women’s Institute, insists that this ‘political slight’ by a ‘bunch of chicken farming liberals’ is water off a sheep’s back to her and her fellow constituents as the public are fully aware of their true standing. “Not only are we a 25 minute drive to the junction of Llanfair ym Mualt, where lies the famous A483 (the second biggest north-south trunk road in Wales) but we’re also holding a political debate fortnightly in the The Black Horse. If Singapore is making the top five then there’s certainly a place for us. Half the village doesn’t even know where Singapore is for Duw’s sake…”
Although hailed for its stunning rare breeds of White Park cattle, Llanabba still suffers from a lack of Internet connectivity due to the fearsomely steep valley that it’s wedged into. “A company called Google offered us a broadband cloud, but as the Vicar rightly pointed out: ‘it’s a rare occasion to be getting any sunlight around here at the best of times’ so we’ll be doing just fine without any more clouds thank you…”
This slight delay in the stream of current affairs mean that the people of Llanabba have only recently heard the controversial news of President Donald Trump’s triumphant election and subsequent inauguration to take a mantle which makes him head of the most powerful country on the planet. The village has surprisingly taken this news with considerable delight and a rapturous applause on its delayed announcement. Mr Alan Wynn-Williams the landlord at The New Inn went on record saying, “We were absolutely delighted to be honest with you! I offered a free pint all round that evening which I haven’t done since Huw Edwards from BBC1 stopped by on his summer holiday. I did have to call it a half by 9:30 to be quite truthful as folk were driving up from Llanelwedd when they heard. Plus there was a fake moustache doing the rounds to trick the bar girls…”
This fist-pumping atmosphere of Llanabba goes firmly against the line given by Leanne Wood, leader of Plaid Cymru (the Welsh National Party), who has come out all guns blazing by firmly announcing "Cred Plaid Cymru fod angen gwleidyddiaeth fwy tosturiol a charedig, gyda llawer llai o'r casineb a'r creulondeb mae Trump yn ei annog yn yr Unol Daleithiau." The President Of the United States is yet to respond to these highly contagious and somewhat haughty remarks.
A deeper analysis gives greater clarity as to why the village is so enraptured by the new President. “Towards the end of last year, when the Blockbuster in Llandindrod Wells was closing, one of the W.I. girls picked up a very good value copy of ‘The Apprentice’ on video cassette. We gave the political society an early viewing and to a person we thought he was brilliant. If you don’t train your sheep dogs properly, you’ll have hell to pay.’
After this initial reaction to the then Presidential nominee’s candidacy potential, the members of LOONS (Llanabba’s Official Organisation for National Standards) came together to draw up a their own official response to a series of the then Republican front runner’s key policies. It must be noted that the below paragraphs form a brief set of highlights, with the originals available free of charge, bar postage fees, from Mrs Bronwyn Jones, The Post Office, Llanabba, Wales.
IMMIGRATION
LOONS would like to offer President Trump its steadfast support for his brave and well-calculated position on immigration. Although we don’t have a particular problem with Muslims (although it has been pointed out by several esteemed organisation members that Miss Fish, the Year 2 teaching assistant at St. David’s Primary School, is significantly darker than she should be in mid-February) we do have a severe issue with people from the cities, namely Cardiff and Swansea, poking their noses around our village during the mania surrounding the Royal Welsh Show. Several members have fully endorsed a proposal for a ‘total village shutdown’ whilst we also figure out ‘what the hell is going on’ over the August Bank Holiday.
As for the wall, I’m afraid we’ve beaten the President to it. Stonewalls have clearly demarcated our land for centuries and continue to do so for the safety of our livestock and as President Trump notes, protecting our borders. As a side note, Mr Aled Roberts (sheep farmer at Mynydd Farm) points out that if unruly dogs do still jump the walls to cause havoc, the only course of action is to electrocute them badly or shoot them dead if needs be.
GUN CONTROL
LOONS gave a unanimous approval of President Trump’s decision to be a wholehearted proponent for the Second Amendment. The organisation firmly was in agreement with his astute response to the Paris terror attacks, "If they would have had the guns, they wouldn't have had the carnage they had." Every member of our organization has a shotgun and the village hasn’t come under attack since Owain Glyndŵr attacked Builth Castle in 1409.
DRUGS
There was a minor dispute on this pertinent issue between several upstanding members of LOONS. However, we unearthed your statement from last year proclaiming that "medical marijuana is another thing" which put many of our heavier users minds at rest.
THE DEATH PENALTY
Yet again the village of Llanabba stands firmly alongside President Trump in his approval of the Death Penalty. It is a practice the farmers in Llanabba have been using for many years. Mr. Aled Roberts (a different Aled Roberts than the last, but from the same mother and same farm) contests that his family have not owned a pet that he has not put out of its misery. This has led to a much more heated debate on Mrs. Lynn Roberts’s favorite cat that strangely went missing at the end of last year. Mr. Aled Roberts denies all responsibility. LOONS would also like to point out that people like animals can become a real burden in their old age. Sometimes putting them out of their misery can be the best thing. Mr. Aled Roberts also resolutely denies anything to do with his mother in laws untimely demise two years ago.
(N.B. Mrs. Lynn Roberts has now left the meeting so will no longer be participating in the debate, as we were nearing the end we have agreed to carry on without her.)
HEALTHCARE
LOONS not only supports the President on healthcare but will also be looking at ‘making a deal’ with the local clinic in Builth Wells in order to avoid such long queues. Mr. Rhys Davies has claimed that he waited over two hours for his flu jab three weeks ago. He also proposes a ‘deal’ that would mean an age ‘cut off point’ for government paid medical support. The age of 65 was mooted as an agreeable age to be left to chance, however, Mrs. Gwyn Davies rejected this as being inhumane. For the record she is 63 and Rhys’s stepmother, which could both have bearings on their respective sides of the argument.
LOONS and the village of Llanabba have thrown the full weight of their political muscle behind Trump and will continue to be strong advocates for as long as such relevant policy is introduced. As a parting shot to the perceived lack of backbone in her own countries politics, Mrs. Bronwyn Jones has requested Mrs. Leanne Wood to be removed from her position as head of Plaid Cymru and sent to Scotland. “The choirs of Builth Wells would be here to welcome President Trump to Llanabba along with any Golf Course he care to propose.”
Mrs. Bronwyn Jones for the Welsh Assembly? Watch this space.
Become a Community Contributor.
