Disclaimer: I made these up.
Can you smell that? The scent of love (or, overpriced roses and scented candle gift packs) is in the air! It can only mean one thing...it's Valentine's Day ❤️
The international day of love is here, and it with brings with it candlelit dinners, throwaway teddy bears, and the promise of more Valentine's Days to come. Or if you're single, maybe it's all about a night out with friends, a looming sadness, and/or an unexpected DM to your old situationship.
Regardless of your current relationship status, let's unpack what could be coming to you this Valentine's Day — courtesy of my gut feelings and brainwaves, which are currently being fuelled by a soft serve açaí bowl.
Here's what you can expect to happen for you this V-Day, probably:
(With a song, just for the vibes!)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
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They're right in front of you, but you just can't see them. Who? The love of your life, of course! But you'll need to keep it chill until you sort your shit out.
Valentine's Day marks a pivotal moment of change for you. You'll realise it's out with the old and in with the new when it comes to your habits. Self awareness is the first step, and it's time to ditch those destructive vibes. Focus on you, pookie, and the love will come rushing in from someone you know, but least expect.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
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Something sexy this way comes! Lay out your best outfit (we suggest something with a little bit of OOMPH) because you're about to get lucky. I'm talking the whole nine yards — presents, flowers, and a takeaway order of your favourite food. If you're not in a relationship, expect to be spoiled by your besties.
Unfortunately, it's not all fun and games — you're going to get into a fight at the end of the night. I won't say with who, but I suggest muting your notifications on Instagram for the night.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
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Whether you've found yourself in a situationship or relationship with another human being, just remember that the first person you should be loving is YOU. I'm sniffing out a last-minute cancellation and a late excuse for not being around.
Lucky for you, there's plenty of good things to watch on streaming. May we suggest Someone Great? It's devastating, but a great reminder to choose yourself, babe! Or if you feel like embracing chaos, maybe FaceTime your friend while they're on their V-Day date and show their partner that you're part of the package deal.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
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No misfortunate afoot here. Just good old Valentine's Day plans. Perhaps dinner, a new movie and some post-film bedroom "activities". Don't be afraid to show your date who you really are!
Vulnerability is sexy, and speaking your truth is a great feeling — especially when you've had some big thoughts on your mind recently. The person/people around you will love seeing that side of you, and even find you more pleasant to be with. However, if you're in a group setting, it's good to watch your back, because someone might be praying on your downfall. It's exactly who you think it would be.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
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Your confidence is undeniable, but it can often be mistaken for arrogance. Your Valentine will reveal this to you in a bid to feel more powerful in your presence. It's their attempt to disarm you. Let them speak, and you will know exactly to do in this moment. All will become clear.
As for the singles, take your confidence all the way to the moon. You might be headed out or giving Galentines a good run with an at home dinner party. Strike a pose and snap some pics. Use them for the dating apps. I can almost guarantee the vast increase in your swipes. The person on the other side can see your good energy plastered all over your face.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
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You'd better organise the days following Valentine's in advance, because your mind will be full of lovesick thoughts. From the way they kiss you to their courage to hold your hand, it's about to get very romantic, very dang fast. You like lollies, right? Awesome! They got you your favourites.
Your V-Day plans could be interrupted by a call from a parent, but don't worry too much. It's nothing serious, they just want to ask when you're getting married. I also see roses in abundance...but they're wilting fast. If you're planning on picking up an overpriced bunch, maybe it's better to opt for a different flower.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
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You're in your single era, but you've never felt more fulfilled. When you feel that pang of sadness creeping up on you, don't worry! You're just missing the feeling of being held. There's nothing wrong with that; we all feel lonely at times. It's the Valentine's Day effect.
Here's my advice: don't go DMing anybody that you should be leaving in the past. But if you do find yourself in a chatbox that you shouldn't be in, at least make sure you're having fun. Make jokes, talk shit about what's come and gone, but don't go back! You deserve better, and like, a Bugatti or something.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
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The only love you're getting this year is from coworkers and a puppy. So, you may as well be grateful for it! Pick up your favourite snacks and drinks on the way home, and throw yourself a little party. Celebrate life, even when you don't have everyone around.
Also that package you've been waiting for is coming, promise! I just thought I'd give you a heads up. Anyway...I hope you enjoy unboxing your whatever you've ordered and relaxing to the thought of never being romantically disappointed — at least for the moment.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
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Take a long walk around the park/suburban streets/beach and think about your relationships so far. What's made you feel fulfilled? What do you look for in a partner? Which moments have made you feel like you didn't honour yourself?
Then, take some time to give back to yourself for being strong and living your best life. You don't need anyone to make your life feel complete — the universe is rewarding your goodness to yourself. A date with yourself is much better than a date with someone who doesn't care about you. If you're in a couple, this is your sign to do a relationship evaluation — is your partner showing up the way you want them to?
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
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Hey boo, it's time to step into your energy and show your Valentine's Day date what you're made of. Make the first move (consensually, of course) and lean into the goodness that love can bring. Before I forget, you should definitely wear something comfortable, because you'll be eating good!
As for the single and powerful, dress up and go to a movie. Pick up some dessert and treat yourself! Chocolates and sweets aren't just for those with romance in their life. They're for everyone, darling! Famously, they taste better when you don't need to share.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
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It's your season, baby! You call the shots, and I hope your companion knows that to the fullest extent. Yes, you're feeling a bit emotionally charged at the moment, but use that to drive good, constructive conversations. If they can't handle that, then Valentine's Day is a great time to figure out how you feel.
If you're just not in a lovey dovey mood, there's no reason why you can't gather up your besties and stay in for a night of charcuterie and your favourite shows. A chill night is a good night. It's a Wednesday, after all!
And finally, Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
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Lucky last on the list, but never in love! Someone is coming back. A fleeting fling or a dance floor hook up is coming in fast, and not by accident. They want to see where things might go with you. The curiosity is killing them.
My vibes say to be careful. They have a secret, and it's a big one. Don't say I didn't warn you! Their initials start with a G, K, M or P. Do I think it's weird that they're reaching out on Valentine's Day? Perhaps. But maybe the look of all the bouquets reminded them of you.