Using My Intuition To Guide You Through Mercury's Retrograde In Virgo

Keep your spaces saged and your DMs shut!!!

Happy Mercury Retrograde in Virgo, to anyone who celebrates! We are now officially on our third 'renegade' of the year and it can only be likened to a rash that keeps on coming back, no matter how much you wish it stayed away.

@rod

Someone with ✨anxiety✨ during the renegade is not a good combo #work #anxiety #comedy

♬ original sound - Rod

TikTok @rod / Via tiktok.com

From August 23 to September 15, 2023, it might be an idea to keep your spaces saged and your DMs closed — you never know which slippery critter might weave their way in.

mercury retrograde continuing after venus retrograde is over, is so funny because it’s like “the return of the ex” saga continues 😭

— sarah (@wetneptune) August 16, 2023

Twitter: @wetneptune

The planets won't let us rest.

If you've made your way here to find out about the ruler of your 8th house, or which other sign you're more compatible with — be warned, I know nothing about horoscopes. But I've always been told that I have a strong intuition about what's coming next.

Giphy via Disney Channel

Alexa play "That's So Raven" by Raven-Symoné.

So, let's play a game of stay delulu 'til it's trululu with a completely unserious star sign guide for Virgo's Mercury Retrograde. Here's what you can, maybe, expect over the next three weeks:

Take only what resonates and leave what doesn't behind. If you want to take it a step further, manifest my unbacked predictions to see if they come to life. 

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

one thing abt an Aries, we not fake. if we don’t like you, we ain’t gon speak to you.

— B 🦋 (@DontWorryBoutB) August 21, 2023

Twitter: @DontWorryBoutB

Your irrational anger might create some distance between you and the ones you hold close. Stay angry though, you can make up after Mercury Retrograde and finally have a minute to yourself.  

Challenge yourself with activities that are out of your comfort zone (e.g. getting that check-up you've been putting off or talking to your estranged cousin on your paternal side of the family). You will be given a chance to show up for yourself in a way you never have before, so it's time to boost your ego with a new outfit, hairstyle and shoes to match.

Affirmation: I prioritise my peace and protect my energy. I am safe, never in jeopardy.
The song that came on as I was writing this: "B.S." by Jhene Aiko (feat. H.E.R.)

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

taurus, you're filled with so much love. it's beautiful.

— astrology bot (@hourIyhoroscope) August 17, 2023

Twitter: @hourIyhoroscope

You've always had go-big-or-go-home energy, but what about finding comfort in being average? Embrace what makes you a regular person, and for the next few weeks, drool on your pillow — or take an extra rest day at the gym. It's not always rise and grind, sometimes it's rot and go back to sleep.

Unfortunately, your ex-situationship is going to want to stir up a bit of fun. Normally other horoscopes would tell you to steer clear, but you know what, bask in the butterflies for a little while then drop them and block them like they did to you. You'll rest easier knowing that you now have the upper hand.

Affirmation: I am whole. I am worthy. I eat oranges, no scurvy. 
The song that came on as I was writing this: "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

the gemini urge to fuck around x find out

— 𝔤𝔢𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔦 (@ispeakgemini) August 17, 2023

Twitter: @ispeakgemini

You may have the sudden idea to chop all of your hair off. Don't listen to the little voice in your head. There's no need to change your look because something feels slightly off. Pretend like you're your secret crush and practise a bit of self-love, when you look in the mirror.

It's time to show off your skills, round up your friends and head to a trivia night. You'll be able to answer all the questions, but don't show them that you're a sore winner or you'll trip yourself up. Arrogance is the key to your downfall.

Affirmation: I'm blooming, sprouting and feel like a flower. I protecc. I attacc. I also empower.

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

My favorite sign is Cancer because they are painfully HONEST. People that don’t like Cancers don’t like the TRUTH. If you are insecure, don’t even come around a Cancer because Cancers are tough critics. That’s why they make the best friends and partners.

— 🦋 (@t_sadiity) August 15, 2023

Twitter: @t_sadiity

Be careful what you wish for — if you've ever thought about messaging an old fling, flame, friend or FWB and pretending it was an accident, it might just happen for reals. You're playing a dangerous game when you type out a whole paragraph — just to erase it. This time around you might give in to your intrusive thoughts and press send. Can you tell me if you do, pretty please?

The best way to distract yourself is to pick up a new hobby. Grab your knitting needles and candle making kits, because you need to stay as far away from your phone as you can.

Affirmation: I attract the right type of love and the right type of heart. I am a beautiful mystery. I'm like abstract art. 

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Finesse - Remix" by Bruno Mars (feat. Cardi B)

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

if you're waiting for a sign, leo, this is it. now go make that impulse buy.

— astrology flare (@astrologyflare) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @astrologyflare

Your zodiac's season has just come and gone, but it's still your time to shine. It always is! But remember that that's no excuse to be a diva for the next three weeks. Posting thirst traps on your Instagram stories will help combat the raging need to talk about yourself.

During these three weeks of hibernation, it might be worth looking into your relationships and seeing if you're satisfied with who you're surrounding yourself with. It's not always easy to recognise if they're serving you, so be on the lookout for anything shifty.

Affirmation: I am strength, wisdom and grace. I set my world alight, like a fireplace.

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Now or Never" by Halsey

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

virgo season tm and i can feel my powers growing pic.twitter.com/TnRhfKEyLT

— lil uzi vers (@NOCHlLLWlLL) August 22, 2023

Twitter: @NOCHlLLWlLL

Happy Birthday! Your gift from me is a warning. Be wary of how you communicate with others, they're probably not listening as well as they should. But, there's always someone eavesdropping. Once you figure out who that is, the best thing to do is to prank them. It will give you joy and teach them a lesson in spreading misinformation. You will then be crowned the alpha — an honour that cannot be replaced in the social hierarchy.

You might also find yourself feeling a little lost, not spiritually, just physically. Downloading an app that has offline maps might help and when in doubt, just ask a friendly face on the street. They can help you get to your destination.

Affirmation: I am humourous, funny and share my opinions. I am blessed and thankful that I don't love Minions. 

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Trap Queen" by Fetty Wap

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Libra placements after setting well needed boundaries for the next year: pic.twitter.com/xzD9LCfyOT

— ak 💜 (@astrabella_) August 21, 2023

Twitter: @astrabella_

Your energy might not be at its peak this time around and that's okay. You've had a busy year of kicking goals. It's time for you chill at home, re-centre and read a damn good book. Reserve your energy for the last week of Mercury Retrograde, because something wicked this way comes.

Surprise! It's a big bill for something that happened a few weeks ago. And, the current state of "cozzie livs" means it's going to make your wallet cry. Watch yourself around speed cameras and don't j-walk across any roads — you might cop a fine.

Affirmation: Money flows to me like water. My skin is clearer, my body's hotter.

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Good For You" by Selena Gomez (feat. A$AP Rocky)

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

What it’s like to be a Scorpio pic.twitter.com/hvSl6tpba1

— Scorpio Brasi (@iamsouljabrasi) August 20, 2023

Twitter: @iamsouljabrasi

Toxic is as toxic does. I'm not saying that you fall into that category, but it's something to keep in mind when you're hanging around your questionable friend, family or partner. Do they make you feel like a monster? Are they triggering your fight or flight?

Nonetheless, try not to worry about them. Instead, think about keeping your phone safe. Mercury Retrograde tends to make tech act TF up — don't let it happen to you. Case that MF up and slap on a new screen protector. Dropping it and shattering the screen feels inevitable.

Affirmation: I'm happy. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. I can conquer any challenge, any test. 

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Location" by Khalid

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Therapist: what’s your biggest fantasy
Sagittarius: leaving it all behind in the middle of the night

— Astro Poets (@poetastrologers) August 18, 2023

Twitter: @poetastrologers

Please chill TF out. You are going a mile a minute and the likelihood of you crashing and burning out over the next three weeks is almost certain. You need a holiday ASAP — put in your leave and take a breather. 

Or, maybe it's time to think about what your next career move is. You might not be loving where you are right now. Hop on the job sites and give them a scroll — you never know what you might find. As corny as the "love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life," sentiment is, it rings true. Ugh, no one tell my mother that I said that.

Affirmation: I make my own path. I make my own day. Like Gabriella said to Troy, "I gotta go my own way."

The song that came on as I was writing this: "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Capricorns: https://t.co/3e9v3lsgDA

— Capricorn Goddess 🛸 (@thecapgoddess) August 22, 2023

Twitter: @thecapgoddess

Don't lose confidence in yourself — you're a lot stronger than you think. Learn to say "no" to things that don't concern you, and serve your own damn self every once in a while. Take risks and leave the h8rs in your dust.  

During the next three weeks, your love life will blossom. Think countless dates, showers of attention and cheesy texts through your work day. Memorise your best pick up lines and start thinking of ways to playfully bully each other. Here is my pitch — I would take you to the movies, but they don't allow snacks. They call it...rizz.

Affirmation: I know my name and my story — it's honest and true. My drip is impeccable, from my hair to my shoe. 

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Motivation" by Normani

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

you're lying when you say you feel nothing, aquarius.

— astrology bot (@hourIyhoroscope) August 17, 2023

Twitter: @hourIyhoroscope

Someone is coming back. It's not anyone that you want to talk to, but they'll definitely make you think for a while. Crazy things happen during Mercury Retrograde. They might just change your mind about something you guys argued about before. Be prepared to cave. Let it happen. They're good for you.

Don't be afraid to express your feelings over the next three weeks. It will alleviate your stress and show you who your true friends are. They know you have a secret, but they don't want to force it out of you. Spill the beans, please.

Affirmation: I am free. I am flowing. I am intelligent and all-knowing.

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Daddy Issues" by The Neighbourhood

And finally, Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

pisces pic.twitter.com/msVxYwlNEJ

— ︎ ꕥ (@pisceswrId) August 19, 2023

Twitter: @pisceswrId

Step into your truth. These next three weeks will show you the path — whether you want to trust it or not is completely up to you. You have been holding back your true potential, but it's time be Tori Vega and "Let It Shine". Enough clowning around — get to work. You're late.

If you're unsure about what the hell I'm talking about, picking up your journal and writing your thoughts down can help you decipher what direction you should be going in. Tell it your dreams and secrets before you sleep. Make sure to hide it in a safe place, because we wouldn't want your deepest, darkest thoughts on display.

Affirmation: The more I give, the more I receive. Whatever I put my mind to, I can achieve.

The song that came on as I was writing this: "Beauty and a Beat" by Justin Bieber (feat. Nicki Minaj)

Good luck, my friends. I'll see you on the other side of Mercury Gatorade!

Godspeed!