Content Warning: This article contains mentions of sexual assault and violence.
Family drama is incredibly complicated, but with a lot of love and effort, it can be repaired — at least until things cross a line.
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community about the situations that left members of their family no longer speaking, and while a few are silly and petty, there's a lot of real heartbreak here as well.
1. "When I was 16, my mother received a government tax refund from my father for child-support back-pay. It was less than $1,000 USD. Instead of waiting for her to finish work and having a calm, adult conversation, he decided the best course of action was to drive an hour to her job and scream at her in front of her coworkers to demand the money back. She left work early that day, crying."
When I found out, I had had enough of his bullshit and packed up my stuff and moved out immediately. He was an irredeemable bastard who's done a lot worse, and I'm glad he's out of my life."
2. "I come from a family of codependents and enablers. Addiction runs in my family, and my grandfather is at the core of it all. They all protect each other no matter how wrong they are, and I grew exhausted trying to live a clean and sober life in recovery carrying all that dead weight. So, I cut them off. So much less drama and anxiety without them in my life. Not looking back."
3. "My dad was just a jerk all around growing up, but I always felt like I had to keep up a relationship because, well, he was my dad. When my daughter was born, I was always the one making the 4-hour roundtrip drive to see him with a newborn. I had to threaten to go NC just to get him here for her first birthday party while he made every excuse in the book not to come. The last straw should have been when my daughter spent a week at his house when she was 6, and my stepmom threw a literal tantrum because she didn't feel like my daughter liked her and that she liked my dad more. I had to get my brother to pick her up and drive her back to my house."
"Things got worse when my grandma died and that whole side of the family was fighting. I hung on for a couple of years, and finally, I couldn't do it anymore and went full no contact. My daughter is a teen now, and I've talked to her about my reasons, and she knows she can have a relationship with him if she wants. It's been nine years, and I have no regrets."
—Anonymous
4. "I’ve had to go NC with one whole side of my family including my parents. There is a ton of generational trauma that has led to cycles of abuse. It was predominantly mental and emotional by the time it trickled down to me, but the family that is that way is so codependent on each other that they can’t even see the damage they're doing to each other. The thing that makes it hard for me, is that I was raised by gay men so I have to constantly say that while I still support gay families and LGBTQ parents, I just don’t support my own parents. At this point, I wish my parents would just divorce because it would actually mean that I could maybe have a relationship with at least one of my parents."
5. "My aunt made a big fuss about me not including her in my wedding planning. ... She lives in a different country, and I hadn't even started planning yet. She decided then to block me and never came to my wedding. My parents saw her a few months later (they're more forgiving than I am), and instead of apologizing, she told them how disrespectful it was that I haven't moved on from 'all that.'"
6. "So, from what I know, my MIL cut out her mom because her mom crossed boundaries with MIL’s children (reaching out to the kids behind my MIL’s back about family drama, snide comments, unsolicited opinions, etc.). Now, my SIL cut out my MIL for basically doing the same thing to my SIL’s children…and my MIL can’t understand why she got cut off. Kind of interesting to watch from the outside because there’s obviously a pattern here, but no one realizes it."
7. "My eldest brother sexually assaulted me from ages 6–9. I kept the secret for years because he told me if I ever said anything, terrible things would happen to the rest of the family. When I finally broke down and told my parents at 14, they told me I was brave and the burden was no longer mine to bear. They asked my brother what happened, and he said he 'didn't remember.' The next day, they told me it didn't happen and to never bring it up again."
"I left on my own five years later. My other siblings refuse to talk to me, and I cut contact with my parents after several years of bitter back and forth. The rest of my family also refuses to speak with me. I'll never tell my son what really happened. All he knows is that we just grew apart and live thousands of miles away from each other. I have a found family now, and I go to therapy to work through the trauma of having lost my entire family to the actions of my own brother and the rest of the family's disbelief. I'm doing better, but a part of me will always hurt."
—Anonymous
8. "My dad has one sister and one brother. His brother vanished one day but could never be found. His sister, who lives in Hawaii, was visiting us when we took a visit to a rental house in the Sequoia National Forest. The first night there, I was helping with dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. My aunt scolded me for loading the dishwasher wrong. Like, refused to speak to me because I loaded the dishwasher 'wrong.' That was 15 years ago. I have not talked to her since, but it is definitely mutual."
9. "The woman who birthed me is a vindictive narcissist. She moved my sibling and me out of state and changed our names to keep us from my dad when we were kids, tried to destroy my marriage, lies constantly, and is a professional victim — everything is someone else's fault. That's just scratching the surface. I finally had enough and went NC, but I will not truly have peace while she's on the earth."
—Anonymous
10. "My entire life my aunt (mom's sister) has been irrational, a pathological liar, and a martyr. Everyone just kind of understood if she told you something, just smile and nod, then go to the source for the facts. All of that was well and good until my grandpa (her dad) died, and she started staying with my grandma. My grandma was perfectly functional — she had no cognitive or physical deficits. She got up every morning, made her bed, cooked for herself, and even drove still occasionally. My aunt stayed every night with her for nine years all the while telling people outside of the family she was 'taking care' of my grandma. Recently, my grandma's health did decline to the point where she needs a little more hands-on care (bathroom accidents, help preparing meals, using a walker), and my aunt abandoned her in a nursing home and has washed her hands of her now that actually NEEDS help."
"My own mom quit her job and offered to split time with my aunt to care for my grandma, but she REFUSES. We also have suspicions she’s been skimming money from my grandma for years, plus she makes any situation related to her care as difficult and chaotic as possible to try to make my mom and their brother look incompetent and just to generally make things 100x [worse] than they need to be. She worries about the most ridiculous tasks. She makes sure she has the yogurt she likes at the nursing home but talks to my grandma like a dog and does not take into consideration my grandma's feelings at all. She doesn’t talk to her like a person whatsoever. And that’s how she makes herself feel better, like she’s still doing something to take care of her when she’s not really supporting my grandma as an autonomous individual that deserves love, respect, and understanding."
11. "My sister-in-law cut all contact with my husband's family after their dad passed. It wasn’t immediately — it was after she got her inheritance, which in my opinion is just sad. It’s been over a decade. I don’t see them mending anytime soon."
12. "My children loved their late grandfather and love their living grandmother. They can't figure out why I want nothing to do with her and am glad that he is dead. My father was molesting my sister and me for many years (until I left the house)! After he died, my aunt (her sister) and I were trying to find out with her where her life was going with a social worker on the phone. It was COVID time; as usual, Mom was being annoying Mom! Finally, I hung up with the worker since it was a full out-and-out argument. I proceed to tell her about our father and what he did to me, and she said, 'I know about that!' So, all those years, she could have done something; she did not. I have never told my grown children about this, and I keep it to myself and let them think she is the best grandma around!"
—Anonymous