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    I Just Found Out SpongeBob's Exact Height And Weight, And Wow

    I just broke this case wide open.

    SpongeBob SquarePants. You all know him.


    But have you ever spent hours on end wondering just how big he is? I mean, who cares if he's fictional, right? He exists within the world he occupies, and in that world he has a physical form, so theoretically he must have a height and weight. Right?

    Nyul / Getty Images

    So let's dig a little deeper, shall we?

    SpongeBob is a sea sponge. You might be wondering to yourself, "Just how big do sea sponges get?" My friend, you're not alone.


    So a quick Google search yielded this Washington Post article:

    Washington Post

    To be honest, it's not quite what I expected. The truth is that they come in all sizes. There are many different species of sponges and some are the size of a damn minivan!!!

    Kevinpanizza / Getty Images

    Hmm. Interesting. Let's continue, shall we?

    Here's SpongeBob standing next to Pearl. Pearl is a sperm whale and sperm whales are friggin' huge — they can grow to almost 60 ft in length and weigh anywhere between 35 and 45 tons (!!!!).


    Could SpongeBob really be that large? I'm not ruling it out.

    Here he is standing next to Sandy. Sandy is a squirrel. We've all seen a squirrel before.


    Here's SpongeBob standing next to Mrs. Puff. Mrs. Puff is a pufferfish and National Geographic is telling me their size varies from species to species, but they can range anywhere between 1 inch and 2 feet in length.


    And finally, here's SpongeBob being hoisted up by two seemingly human men (??). Like squirrels, we all know how big men are.


    But damn, we aren't any closer to getting to the bottom of this, are we?!

    What's that you said? You caught me smiling? That's probably because I know the answer to this riddle! You thought it was unsolvable — YOU WERE WRONG!

    Nyul / Getty Images

    SpongeBob is...

    ...4 inches tall and weighs 1 ounce.


    You know what else is roughly that size and weight? A damn kitchen sponge!

    Boggy22 / Getty Images

    Anyway, please enjoy the rest of your day.

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