back to top
Food

19 Greatest TV Bartenders Of All Time

Ranking the fictional bartenders we all wish were real.

Posted on

Sometimes you want to go where you know every bartender's name. Here are the best bartenders in the history of TV (limit one per show).

19. Sarah from "Parenthood"

What to order: GuinnessHow to make small talk: Talk about Broadway plays. Don't talk about ex-husbands.
Via fanpop.com

What to order: Guinness

How to make small talk: Talk about Broadway plays. Don't talk about ex-husbands.

18. Georgie Santorelli from "The Sopranos"

What to order: ScotchSmall talk: It's really best that you don't talk to Georgie, especially if Tony's around.

What to order: Scotch

Small talk: It's really best that you don't talk to Georgie, especially if Tony's around.

17. iZac from "Futurama"

What to order: The ol' P&J (pennzoil and jagermeister)Small talk: Cheap beer and roulette
Via grub.gunaxin.com

What to order: The ol' P&J (pennzoil and jagermeister)

Small talk: Cheap beer and roulette

16. Carl from "How I Met Your Mother"

Via fuckyeahhowimetyourmother.tumblr.com

What to order: Shots

Small talk: Compliment his shot-making ability.

15. Tara from "True Blood"

What to order: Beer. But maybe don't bother her?Small talk: Bring up how great Sookie is. Or how terrible she is (depending on the season).
Via ew.com

What to order: Beer. But maybe don't bother her?

Small talk: Bring up how great Sookie is. Or how terrible she is (depending on the season).

14. Horace from "Family Guy"

What to order: Pawtucket PatriotSmall talk: Ask what it's like to get shot.
Via planet-familyguy.com

What to order: Pawtucket Patriot

Small talk: Ask what it's like to get shot.

13. Donna (Michael's girlfriend) from "The Office"

What to order: Gin and tonicSmall talk: Ask her for fitness pointers. Don't ask her about her husband.

What to order: Gin and tonic

Small talk: Ask her for fitness pointers. Don't ask her about her husband.

12. Sweet Dee from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

What to order: Beer. And another beer.Small talk: Ugh, the gang. What a bunch of boners.
Via jonservo.tumblr.com

What to order: Beer. And another beer.

Small talk: Ugh, the gang. What a bunch of boners.

11. Buddy Garrity from "Friday Night Lights"

What to order: Bud.Small talk: Dillon FOOTBALL.(Ed. note: from Season 5.)

What to order: Bud.

Small talk: Dillon FOOTBALL.

(Ed. note: from Season 5.)

10. Nick Miller from "New Girl"

What to order: A girlie drinkHow to make small talk: Mention zombies. Or just say, "Ugh, why does everything suck?" (He'll fill in the rest.)
Via screenspy.com

What to order: A girlie drink

How to make small talk: Mention zombies. Or just say, "Ugh, why does everything suck?" (He'll fill in the rest.)

9. Harry Snowden from "All in the Family"

What to order: SchlitzSmall talk: Small talk?

What to order: Schlitz

Small talk: Small talk?

8. Quark from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"

What to order: A Samarian sunsetSmall talk: Mention how hot Cardassian women are.
Via subspacecommunique.com

What to order: A Samarian sunset

Small talk: Mention how hot Cardassian women are.

7. Isaac Washington from "The Love Boat"

What to order: Something made in a blender and garnished with an umbrellaSmall talk: Compliment his fantastic mustache.

What to order: Something made in a blender and garnished with an umbrella

Small talk: Compliment his fantastic mustache.

6. Steve Brady from "Sex and the City"

What to order: Glass of red wineSmall talk: Basketball and dogs
scorpiant.tumblr.com

What to order: Glass of red wine

Small talk: Basketball and dogs

5. Guinan from "Star Trek: Next Generation"

What to order: Aldebaran whiskey. Or prune juice, if you're Klingon.Small talk: Say that you too have an interest in fencing and bald men.

What to order: Aldebaran whiskey. Or prune juice, if you're Klingon.

Small talk: Say that you too have an interest in fencing and bald men.

4. Butchie from "The Wire"

hbosthewire.tumblr.com

What to order: Natty Boh

Small talk: Politely ask for advice.

3. Woody from "Cheers"

What to order: Beer, in a mugSmall talk: Whatever you like

What to order: Beer, in a mug

Small talk: Whatever you like

2. Moe from "The Simpsons"

What to order: DuffSmall talk: Ask about his time being one of the original Little Rascals, or his boxing career.
Via v-q.tumblr.com

What to order: Duff

Small talk: Ask about his time being one of the original Little Rascals, or his boxing career.

1. Al Swearengen from "Deadwood"

What to order: WhiskeySmall talk: Whiskey

What to order: Whiskey

Small talk: Whiskey

Honorable Mention: Roger Sterling from "Mad Men"

The best things at three price points