The Nasty Woman’s Guide To Finding A Valentine During The Trumpocalypse

We’ve all felt it. Since November 9, 2017, a certain panic sets every time you make eyes with someone from across the bar or as you mindlessly swipe through Tinder – are they a racist?! Are they trying to take away my healthcare???? Did they even vote???!!! And while it’s great to keep diverse company, we like to have a little more in common with our romantic interests. If you’re seeking a Valentine this year, here are 4 ways to make sure they’re the kind of Nasty Woman or Bad Hombre you’ve been looking for.

1. Make your social media nasty.

Via spoilednyc.com

And I’m not talking about nudes. (But hey! Your body, your choice). Be proactive and let potential Valentines know what you’re all about. A “nasty woman” bio, Bernie cover photo, or making all six of your Tinder pics JoeBama memes should do the trick.

Make it nastier: Change your anthem on Tinder “Youth Against Fascism” by Sonic Youth.

2. Read all the signs and send all the right ones.

Via psmag.com

Now is the time to use your judgment-induced anxieties to your advantage! Cargo shorts? Probably wants guns in schools. Flip phone? Probably very concerned with Hillary’s emails. Drinking Coors Light? Probably boycotting Budweiser because of their Super Bowl commercial. You shouldn’t judge all books by their covers, but in this case take a leaf from Trump’s immigration policy and proceed with caution. Your body is far more sacred than the Christian integrity of the United States.

On the flip side, make sure you’re sending those subtle nasty signs to the casual observer. Rock a Hillary sticker on your laptop. Wear a pussy hat. Rock a pantsuit.

Make it nastier: Did you know a “Nasty Woman” button goes with everything? Get yours here.

3. Once you’ve identified a person of interest, do some major digital sleuthing.

Via giphy.com

Obviously, you were probably going to do this anyway. Now you just have a more specific mission. True assurance in the Trumpocalypse will take more than your average tweet scan. You need to dig deep. Does she like Fox News on Facebook? Does he follow Tomi Lahren on Instagram? Were they a member of Young Republicans in high school? These may not be deal-breakers, but *proceed with caution.*

Make it nastier: Be bold. Friend them on Facebook and let unrestricted stalking commence.

4. Flood your schedule with activism.

Via s1195.photobucket.com

In your search, you will undoubtedly be asked some form of “What’s up?”, “What are you doing?”, or “Plans this weekend?” Filling your schedule with protests, rallies, letter writing campaigns, and feminist book club meetings is a nearly foolproof way to ensure that you’ll end up talking about it. Judge their reactions appropriately. You can’t expect unabashed enthusiasm from everyone, but blank stares, uncomfortable sniffs, dramatically raised eyebrows, and blatantly changing the subject are RED FLAGS.

Make it nastier: Invite your person of interest to jump into activism with you.