back to top

Emmys Fashion Recap: The Chic, The Bleak, And The Freak

January Jones finally nailed it, Heidi Klum miraculously looked slightly dowdy, and Sofia Vergara finally took her preferred mermaid look one step too far.

Posted on

The Chic:

January Jones

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

YES! After the skimpy graduation tassel of '11, the intense peacocking of '10, and her slew of other debatable outfits, January nailed it this time. This is how you wear a black ball gown at an award show. It so perfectly says: "Don't fuck with me, my dress can hurt you." Which must be directed at Jessica "Mrs. Draper/New Mad Men Screen Queen" Paré (we'll get to her later).

Julie Bowen

The Associated Press / AP

I know you won't all agree with me BUT! I love how, despite this dress being very traditional she chose a very nontraditional color, even if neon is sort of passé. I guess that's the kind of pressure an actress feels when you're sort of competing for attention with the impossibly radiant Sof-ME-a Vergara.

Kerry Washington

Lucy Nicholson / Reuters

Because we will get to some people who were a little overzealous with their sequins, let's appreciate how nicely done these sequins are. Loud materials don't need, like, extra corsets on top to look good.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

This brownish dark red was a surprising trend but JLD pulled it off the best. A tight mermaid cut is pretty much the way to win a red carpet without thinking too hard about it.

Kiernan Shipka

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

It would be wrong to say anything bad about a child's outfit but I really do think this was the best look of the night. She probably also makes straight A's and plays Tchaikovsky piano concertos flawlessly.

The Bleak:

Kat Dennings

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

Aside from her dress itself being forgettable, the main problem with this is her attitude. SMILE lady you're MAKING IT IN COMEDY and you're ON A MAJOR RED CARPET! Be happy that you are being recognized for your success!

Heidi Klum

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

At least she found a second use for those silk sheets Pink used for her aerial shows. A little more tailoring might have helped make it look less like a Real Housewife's bathing suit cover-up.

Christina Hendricks

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Gray is better suited to "I want to look dirty on purpose today" or "fucking last night's tequila don't talk to me this morning" than "I'm a star! At the Emmys!"

Jessica Pare

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

You can't say anything BAD about this but there's not anything interesting to rave over, either.

She totally spent the night giving January Jones side eye.

The Freak:

Nicole Kidman (with Keith Urban)

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

I wish the pattern didn't stop where it did. Like, if you're going to bake a cake you don't make the batter and wait for the oven to turn itself on. You finish the job!

Lena Dunham

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

I love that she always does something different from everyone else, but I would love this more if it were a couple feet shorter — less funereal, more fun.

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!