1.
Underboob is the new sideboob.
2.
The pattern on your socks should match the pattern on your track suit.
4.
Draw all over your face.
5.
Wear opaque glasses, but cut slits in them so you can see a little bit.
6.
Wear clear glasses but paint your face a non-flesh color, like mustard.
7.
Wear your pearls asymmetrically.
8.
Wear hats that look like a combination of a badminton birdie, umbrella, and a hipster's hair.
9.
Wear fascinators that look like a Saran Wrap sphere for your head.
10.
Look like a walking car crash.
11.
Wear python inset with yellow pastel, but only on the armpits.
12.
Make like Kate Middleton Getting Married, and wear lace sleeves.
13.
Carry your matching fanny pack on your shoulder.
14.
Cover a perfectly sexy vest with a perfectly un-sexy cape.
15.
Turn stamps into clothes.
16.
Accent dresses with random pieces of duct tape.
17.
Wear a face that is going to freak out whoever you're talking to.
18.
If you're a man, wear metallic purple jackets.
19.
Use seams to make your breasts abundantly clear.
20.
Make sure your leather jacket has room for two.
21.
Dress your poodle in a matching designer vest.
22.
Look vaguely medieval.
23.
Wear pointless nouns on your chest.
24.
Wear pointless adjectives on your chest.
25.
Wear beautifully colored overalls.
26.
Layer your straw hats.
27.
Make people wonder if your hat is more phallic or nipple-like.
