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19 New Rules For Women's Fashion

The twice yearly couture runway shows in Paris comprise the fanciest, most expensive, best-made clothes in the world. To qualify as couture, pieces must be handmade and certified couture by an overseeing body in France. These clothes — which commonly come with five-figure price tags — represent the pinnacle of fashion. Let's see what we can learn from the latest collections.

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5. Evening wear should have wings.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

For when the person you're making polite conversation with becomes unbearable — you can just fly away.

Dress by Christophe Josse.

6. Thighs should recall a sheared alpaca.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

But just the thighs — we want that breast plate out, ladies! (NOTE: that's breast plate, not breasts.)

Look by Christophe Josse.


9. Shoes should also have enough straps to conceal blisters, oozing puss, and other injuries caused by said shoes.

11. Pieces of fabric that are barely held together by the friction created by tightness are the new dresses.

12. Coats should double as hole-punch testers.

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

They do not need to keep the wearer warm or conceal flesh or do those other things most plebeian coats do.



14. M.I.A. looks better in Versace than just about anyone.

Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

Here she is attending the couture show. I think the only people who MIGHT look better in it than her are the models they hired for the men's show.

18. If you can't decide between slacks or a dress, just wear both.

This is where designers get confusing: Versace would have us wearing no underwear — or really, proper clothes for that matter — and Dior wants us to support our breasts and wear extra pants.


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