1. "If you could only know how I feel right now, you’d say rude things like ‘I hate the outdoors’ too.”
2. "Yes, I will be sneezing one thousand times today. I'm sorry the noise bothers you. I am not exactly doing it on purpose."
allergy season got me like pour up: sneeze headshot: sneeze sit down: sneeze stand up: sneeze pass out: sneeze wake up: sneeze
3. "I. Am. Not. Sick."
4. "I will be carrying this box of tissues around like a purse. You can leave your judgment in the waste basket with my used snot rags."
5. "I will get 'better' somewhere in the November area."
6. "I did not get some sun this weekend; that is actually a rash. But thanks for assuming I would go outside in this mess!"
7. "Sorry, it's not that I'm not listening. It's just my head is swimming in a lake of fluids."
8. "No, I haven't been crying. My eyes are just puffy red orbs of fire and despair."
9. "The thing about exercise is that it requires me to be able to breathe."
10. "Coughing is actually my body's way of saying, 'Help me, I'm drowning.'"
11. "Go ahead — look at my eyes up close. Get right up in there. I am 100% sober."
12. "A picnic sounds wonderful! It truly has been too long! Unfortunately, I'm bottled up in my apartment waiting for this situation to blow over — so, raincheck."
13. "Actually, I am sick — sick of you asking me that #$@&% question!!"
