The 13 Types Of People You Meet At A College Party

No matter what college you attend almost all college parties are exactly the same. They all reek of sweat and Natty Light and they all have these core 13 types of people.

1. The freshman girl who just broke up with her boyfriend

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This girl is pretty easy to spot. She’s normally overdressed with some sort of mixed drink in a water bottle and a gaggle of girls surrounding her. You’ll normally overhear her reminding everyone that she’s single and how “she’s soooo much happier now”. Later she turns into the emotional drunk.

2. The emotional drunk

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Maybe her boyfriend broke up with her, maybe that girl in her chem class gave her a dirty look, or maybe someone stepped on her white converse. Whatever the reason, she’s in tears bawling and won’t calm down for at least another 45 minutes.

3. The “mom”

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Everyone has one in their friend group. She’s the one running around making sure you don’t drunk text your ex-boyfriend, takes drinks away, and is holding her BFF’s hair back in the bathroom. In the moment you might label her as a buzzkill, but you’ll come to thank her in the morning.

4. The miserable DD

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Not to be confused with the mom, he/she may be taking care of everyone, but they’re NOT happy about it and they will take every chance they can to remind you how unhappy they are. They’re sitting in the corner with a scowl on their face and they will be sure to remind you how much “you owe them” in the morning.

5. The “who do you know here” frat bouncer

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They like to pretend they’re like a secret service agent protecting the president when in reality they’re standing in a crumbling doorway questioning college freshman. If they ever ask “who do you know here” just tell them you’re looking for some generic guy name like “John” or “Mike”.

6. The guy who thinks he’s a DJ

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This guy likes to pretend he’s a DJ at Coachella when in reality he’s just a dude with an aux cord, iPhone and Spotify account.

7. The girl who says “this is my song” to every song

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The guy who thinks he’s a DJ *finally* plays Closer by the Chainsmokers and suddenly you hear a group of girls scream “OHMYGOD this is my SONG”. Chances are when the next song by Katy Perry or Taylor Swift comes on the same girl will remind everyone that “this is also her song”.

8. The moocher

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College is rough. You don’t know college broke until you’re trying to pay for your taco bell in quarters. However, this person takes it to a new level. They ask everyone for “just a sip” or to borrow a beer but they “swear they’ll spot you next time”. It’s annoying, but you have to respect their ability to get drunk off of other people.

9. The drunk girl who “swears she’s not even drunk”

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This girl usually appears when one of her friends (usually the mom) tries to cut her off because she’s had to much to drink. Even though she’s slurring her words she “swears she’s not that drunk”. Only after she’s head first in the toilet will she *maybe* admit that she had to much to drink.

10. The guy who treats Beer Pong like an Olympic sport

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He’s been running the table all night. If you play against him you better watch your elbows because he will definitely call you out on it. Remember, beer pong is not just a game but a way of LIFE.

11. The snapchatter

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They’re the ones with the phone out throughout the entire party, snapchatting every song and every round of beer pong. They’re the person who’s snapchat story you always ignore the next morning because it’s 85 seconds long filled with blurry videos. Did they actually have fun and talk to anyone at the party? No one really knows. But at least their Snapchat looks like they had fun.

12. The creepy Senior

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Like a vulture, he likes to search for vulnerable prey. He can’t get anyone his own age so he likes to creep on the freshman girls. He may seem cool at first, but later on you realize he’s in his 6th year of undergrad and plans to live in his parents basement forever.

13. That one dude passed out on the couch

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Every party ends with you passed out in your bed, but some people like to get a head start. This guy probably had a little too much to drink and is passed out on a couch with his mouth open, usually with a phallus drawn somewhere on his face in sharpie. Remember: don’t pass out with your shoes on.