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These People Prove Why 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' Should Be Banned Forever

’Tis the season to be predatory.

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’Cause nothing says "holiday cheer" quite like pressuring a woman to do something against her free will.

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is a song written by Frank Loesser in 1944 about a man giving a woman a hard time about not staying over. WHAT THE ACTUAL EF.
Shironosov / Getty Images

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" is a song written by Frank Loesser in 1944 about a man giving a woman a hard time about not staying over. WHAT THE ACTUAL EF.

So Funny or Die decided to re-enact the classic holiday tune in all its creepy glory.

Let's see what these lyrics ACTUALLY depict, shall we?
funnyordie.com

Let's see what these lyrics ACTUALLY depict, shall we?

First, the woman says she can't stay.

funnyordie.com

To which the man replies that it's cold outside. NO SHIT. It's winter. There's a fire blazing in the hearth. I think she knows it's cold outside.

Then she gets up and tries to leave.

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At which point the man continues to try to coerce her into staying. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF "NO MEANS NO," SIR?

Then, she placates him and offers to stay for a moment longer.

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The Funny or Die video depicts the man pouring pills (as well as alcohol) into a glass, because, well, he's obvi just in a GIVING mood.

The woman can tell that there's something up with this ~drink~.

funnyordie.com

"Is this a painkiller? And I don't mean a twist on the Piña Colada — I mean literal painkillers?"

The scene gets worse and worse as the woman INSISTS SHE MUST LEAVE.

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And he's just telling her how nice she looks and how dare she leave while he has more feelings to share about her physical appearance?!!?!?

I mean, if that isn't the face of consent then I don't know what is.

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She is fearing for her life rn, but yay the holidays!!!!!!

Then, the man proceeds to chase her around his house.

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That looks like fun except in a terrifying way.

And he keeps saying THE SAME DAMN LINE while she makes 100 different arguments for why it's time to go.

funnyordie.com

HELLO. She already said: She can't stay, it's time to go, her mom and dad are going to wonder where she is, her brother and sister are going to worry, and she doesn't need to give any excuses because when she says it's over then IT'S OVER.

Then, he tapes her to his chair.

Doesn't that screencap of his finger pointing at her symbolize everything wrong with the patriarchy?
funnyordie.com

Doesn't that screencap of his finger pointing at her symbolize everything wrong with the patriarchy?

In the end, she hits him over the head with a fireplace shovel to GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM.

funnyordie.com

Get him, gurl.

We all know how this same song would go if the roles were reversed.

"I've got to go away." "Yeah, totally. I kind of want to watch Property Brothers alone anyway."
Nadezhdaabramian / Getty Images

"I've got to go away." "Yeah, totally. I kind of want to watch Property Brothers alone anyway."

Watch the full video here.