1. "Velour was highly valued for its luxurious texture."
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2. "By men and women alike."
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3. "Full length sweaters and buttons were an extravagance that few could afford."
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4. "Displaying one's belly was interpreted as a gesture of friendship."
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5. "In fact, women who fully concealed their torsos were regarded as suspicious and possibly dangerous."
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6. "Because of this, few did."
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7. "Authorities even considered passing a law against female celebrities wearing more than 2 square feet of fabric during public appearances."
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8. "Do not feel sad, daughter. Her eyebrows were not lost in a fire."
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9. "No, no. Those are not pieces of sea glass."
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10. "Precious metals, as has been true throughout history, conveyed an aura of nobility and power."
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11. "It was a faux pas to wear prints that did not match those of one's coworkers."
Vince Bucci / AFP / Getty Images
12. "Hemlines were inspired by the beauty of nature. Specifically, jellyfish."
Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images
13. "No, son, these women were not shipwrecked. Ripping denim into pieces was the fashion at the time."
Frank Micelotta / Getty Images
14. "And wearing mutiple garments constructed from denim was seen as a signifier of wealth and power."
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15. "Only the truly affluent could afford this."
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16. "In a strange retail complex called "the mall," sort of like an IRL Amazon, there was a place called "Hot Topic.""
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No, Kimmy, it wasn't a news podcast.
17. "Yes, I can understand why you might think she had an ankle disorder she wished to conceal, and also scoliosis."
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But that was, in fact, not the case.
18. "I don't think it was infected."
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19. "Well no, of course he'd never actually driven a truck."
Scott Gries / Getty Images
20. "During the great Shirt Shortage of 2000, some folks resorted to using napkins and pieces of foil as garments."
Frank Micelotta / Getty Images
21. "Well, sure, I bet she probably did like zebras."
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22. "Pants that descended below calf level eventually became seen as gauche and were widely frowned upon."
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23. "As such, some outdated models were fitted with straps in order to adjust their length."
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24. "It was considered disrespectful for young girls to cover both shoulders at once."
Vince Bucci / Getty Images
Wait, Gertrude, PLEASE don't go cut the left sleeves off all your sweaters. GERTRUDE!
