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24 Highlights From A Pirate-Themed Swimwear Fashion Show

SWASHBUCKLING BIKINIS!

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This lady landed a jacket whole — no parts ripped off. (She must be some sort of pirate queen!) No pants to match though, but no one cares when you're on the open seas, me hearty.

Whereas this model cobbled together her look from some old lace curtains and a tablecloth stolen from some poor residents of a small, recently-pillaged Mediterranean island.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Somewhere on that island, an old lady is weeping noisily over her lost linens. I hope you're happy, pirate model.

Speaking of happy, there were some male models.

For some reason, they didn't have to dress up like pirates at all. Girl models have all the fun these days, even at swimwear shows.

Also, someone let Real Housewife of Miami Marysol Patton backstage.

Alexander Tamargo / Getty Images

No idea why, but let's imagine she's shouting "ahoy!" or "I have a mild case of scurvy!"

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