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36 Crazy Illogical Tan Lines

Courtesy of the new swimwear designs shown at Miami Swim Week They're fun, but your tan would look like a half-finished patchwork quilt — or worse.

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3. And lots of one pieces designed to leave a tanned midsection that looks like an arrow pointing at your crotch. Classy! Not to mention terribly unflattering for most.

6. And yet more bikini bottom crotch arrows, which would result in zebra striped hips.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

At least there's no risk of the strings coming untied. From the Aquarella Swimwear show.


12. Alternately, just throw a bunch of random cut-outs on the swimsuit and have at it! Go Wild! It's Miami Swim Week!


16. Also, leaving a palm tree shaped tan line around your nipples is genius.

(These swimsuits don't feature cut-outs per se, but the sheer fabric would mean basically the same thing happens.) From the Minimale Animale show.


21. (Ok, you could take this knitted blouse off, but why would you want to when there's all those fun tassels?)


28. And then there's this, for those wanting a tanline mid-breast (not to mention a handy lattice-patterned tan across the rest of their torso).

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Kudos on the safari print, however. From the Agua Bendita show.

Not to mention this, which wasn't at Miami Swim Week but does deserve a mention because it's AMAZING.

It's the "SHARKINI," courtesy of San Francisco label Bad Aby Designs. And yes, it's a crazy tan line that's worth having.

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