Style

30 Male Models Who Wish They'd Called In Sick

Butt hats, translucent crotches, and scary ski masks are apparently the hot trends for fall.

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Any good men's fashion week has to catwalk a delicate balance between the sublime and the ridiculous.

After all, thirty-plus runways worth of pinstripe suits won't keep the fashion pack entertained, and who wants to deal with a grumpy Anna Dello Russo? Unfortunately, that whole concept often gets lost in translation on its designer trek around Europe — with all too often the sublime (read: male models' bodies) awkwardly thrown up against the ridiculous (read: the clothes) and jumbled around to see what arbitrary eyesores stick. Milan's menswear designers were valiant in their quest to make otherwise objectively hot guys look kind of odd, and clearly uncomfortable. 'Enjoy' a selection of the most egregrious style trolling below:

3. Bonus Etro fug: these shoes

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Because when a cluster of soggy Ugg boots are in a corner together giggling and pointing at you like they're Mean Girls and you're talking rapturously about how great it was when Regina punched you, you're in a bad state.

5.

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And this is a fanny pack. (Remember those times you went to Disney World and your mom insisted on wearing one to keep all your park tickets safe and she'd say, loudly, 'let me just check in my fanny pack?' while you were in line for Space Mountain and other kids there would laugh and you'd die inside. No? That was just me? OK. Sorry mom.)

13. Campy Balaclavas

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At Umit Benan. Under all that knit, these models are pissed (and sweaty). They're meant to look intimidating also, but who can compete with plastic assault rifles and menacing faux-tattoos?

25. Dubious Walking Sticks

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Still at Moncler Gamme Bleu. Yes, the obvious 'so-big-an-eye-sore-it'll-make-you-go-blind' jokes are in bad taste. But championing vision-impairedness as this season's big trend is worse, because by the time womenswear shows roll around we'll all be tripping over the street style folk's sequinned canes.

26. PONCHOS

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At Trussardi. PONCHOS. (Remember those times you went to Disney World and your dad insisted on wearing one of those cheap plastic ponchos while you were in line for Splash Mountain because even though it's a WATER RIDE he didn't want to risk getting wet and other kids there would laugh and you'd die inside. No? That was just me? Again? OK. Sorry dad.)

27. Unfortunate Crotches

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At Vivienne Westwood. You'd spend long enough fumbling with this button fly at the urinal to risk being picked up on a public indecency charge. Also, it's off-center and that's irksome.