Nine Fictional Characters Who Beat Up Some Nazis But Good

Which Nazi can win against the power of Captain America, Fry, or a Tex Avery drawn pig?

1.) Captain America

Marvel

War Strategy: Socking Hitler on the jaw to the embarrassment of other Nazis, who are apparently watching a giant TV or something.

Effectiveness: Surprisingly low.

Although Captain America punched Hitler in the jaw on the VERY COVER of the first issue, he spent the rest of his series fighting the Axis, Nazis, and Hitler's second in command The Red Skull well after the end of the Second World War. The cover was very inspiring to the boys overseas, but it's a shame Captain America stopped fighting Hitler after that one punch. Equally less effective? That time Captain America punched Hirohito! Next time please choose a less racist Hirohito to punch, O' Captain My Captain.

2.) The Three Little Pigs (As Seen in Tex Avery's "Blitz Wolf")

Description: Turning their home into an army base the three little pigs wage an effective arm war against a wolf clone of Hitler.

Weapons Used: House made of cannons, not building a house out of straw or sticks, throwing a tomato at him from the audience, Bullets with Can-Opener Abilities, Bullets with Abilities to Turn Tank into a Bunch of Tin Cans, Dropping a Scream Bomb Which Then Screams So Hard at Hitler it Scared Him into Jumping Up into a Bullet Storm, Filled him With Bullets and He Was Full Of Holes, Issue of Esquire so Sexy they Make Bullets Go "Hubba Hubba", Vitamins to Feed to Cannons, Very Tiny Plane that Drops Incredibly Big Bomb that Gives Hitler a Hot Foot, a listening detector made of ears, and a "Secret Weapon" that's even more cannons that are so powerful they send Hitler to Hell.

Effectiveness: Incredibly high!

Despite Adolf Hitler's deployment of a Mechanized Huffa Puffa and a PU Grade Stinka Bomba, the pig's secret weapon is so powerful it sends the Blitz Wolf all the way to Hell, where's greeted by 12 incredibly smug demons. For those hurt by this monsters' actions, take solace in knowing he was killed by three chubby pigs as 12 demons shrugged and went "Mmmm, could be!" to his question if this is hell.

3.) The Gremlins from The Kremlin (As Seen in "Russian Rhapsody")

vimeo.com

Description: Discovered by Roald Dahl during the man's own stint in the Great War, the Gremlins are known for taking apart planes. Here the Gremlins of Russia take on Hitler when he very foolishly decides to try to bomb Moscow himself.

Strategy: Drilling apart the plane, hiding in Hitler's hairline, dropping "Termitskis" onto the engine, letting a Peter Lorre caterpillar eat the metal off the wing, pushing Hitler out of the plane, chasing him with the propellor until he falls into his own grave, only to come out to do a sweet Lew Lehr impression.

Effectiveness: Incredibly high.

It was foolish for Hitler to fly alone to the Soviet Union, and clearly he is no match for the mischievous Gremlins who end up burying him alive. Hitler clearly here is a powerful enemy, able to survive getting chased by a propellor after falling out of an aircraft, although Lew Lehr impressions don't have much marketing value anymore, so even if he stays alive, no one's going to like him that much anyway.

4.) Itchy and Scratchy (As Seen on The Simpsons - "Itchy and Scratchy the Movie")

War Strategy: Beating Hitler violently with planks for ten seconds, chopping his head off with an axe, then inviting a surprisingly mobile FDR to kick Hitler's headless butt.

Effectiveness: This is simply THE most effective way to take out Hitler, unless someone saves his head in a jar or something, in which case fictional 1943 Itchy's troubles are just beginning!

5.) Sgt. Abe Simpson of the Flying Hellfish (As Seen in "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish")

Description of Event:The brave and mighty leader of the Flying Hellfish Squadron of Springfield (along with, Wiggum, Gumble, Skinner, Asa, Ox and Etch), Abe Simpson had a clean sniper shot at Adolf Hitler, when that no good lazy layabout Burns ruined his shot with a tennis ball.

Effectiveness: It is simply not effective to have your sniper shot hit by a tennis ball. You must never bring that backstabbing Burns anywhere! The Scourge of the Hellfish he is!

6.) Dr. Who (in "Let's Kill Hitler")

War Strategy: Saving Hitler from execution and then locking him in a cupboard.

Effectiveness: Incredibly ridiculously low! Don't save Hitler from execution, even if it is a comical accident in a humorous science fiction soap opera! And locking him in a cupboard!? The man has hands. I would ask my war veteran grandfather if this was effective but he kind of died for even the hint of this sort of opportunity.

Good TV show though.

7.) Professor Farnsworth (While Going Forward in an Infinite Loop of Time in Futurama's "The Late Phillip J. Fry")

War Strategy: While traveling incredibly quickly through the endless repeating loop of time in his time machine that only goes forward, Professor Farnsworth aims a blaster out the window and shoots Hitler at the height of his power.

Effectiveness: Strong, but risky! When attempting to shoot Hitler again after Bender accidentally sent them back to the awful future, Farnsworth missed and accidentally shot Eleanor Roosevelt. Amazingly the only effect this had on the year 3011 is everything is a couple feet lower.

Anyway, this only impacts a future timeline, so unlike the rest of these very real events, its hard to take too seriously.

8.) Bugs Bunny ("Herr Meets Hare")

War Strategy: Dressing up as Hitler and making Goehring so upset he tears off his costume revealing him to be Bugs Bunny. He brings Bugs Bunny to the real Hitler to show off his capture, but then is tricked into thinking the real Hitler is also Bugs Bunny. Goehring then tries to tear off his leaders' costume but, to his embarrassment, realizes his folly. Bugs Bunny then emerges out of a sack dressed as Josef Stalin, spooking them away.

Effectiveness: Unknown. Bugs Bunny certainly does nothing to try to destroy Hitler, although he does embarrass him in front of the forest community. Hopefully this is hardly the end of his efforts, as this cartoon proves he is a ridiculously effective agent in the field!

Full Documentation of the Incident can be Found here.

7.) A Shakespearean Theatre Troupe in Ernst Lubitsch's "To Be Or Not to Be"

War Strategy: Blow up a theatre with Hitler in it. Let your star Jewish actor dress up as Hitler and take his place.

Effectiveness: High, but not perfect. Although Adolf Hitler got away in this scenario, the stratagems employed here would go on to bring great inspiration to...

8.) The Inglourious Basterds [sic]

War Strategy: The war strategy of the infamous Inglourious Basterds [sic] involved ambushing Hitler during a screening of beloved film "Nation's Pride" and shooting him in the face. The Basterds got additional help when the theatre caught fire, as if possesed by a vengeful Jew Demoness, although later historians point to the incredibly flammable film as the culprit.

Effectiveness: Seemingly perfect. Not only was fictional Hitler taken out, but so was the Jew Hunter Colonel Landa who seemed to have the most personal relationships with everyone involved in the incident, which makes him the real bad guy, sorta. Additionally, Hitler has been dead for about seventy years when this incident was unearthed, making it easily the most effective here.

9.) A Tiny Jewish Barber (As Seen in Chaplin's "The Great Dictator")

Documentation of Events: While being taken away to a concentration camp, a Jewish Barber gets mixed up with Adenoid Hynkel, which we assume is a alternate way of pronouncing Hitler's name. The Jewish Barber, mistaken for the Dictator must give a speech declaring war, but instead, declares peace. Saying all men must get along, be they black or white, Jew or gentile, and that the way of the hate-monger will lead naught but to a life of misery.

Effectiveness: Very high. In the fictional world, Hynkel gets taken away to a concentration camp, which is probably the most satisfying way to kill Hitler. But in the real world, one outside of the theatre, the speech had a great effect. Chaplin was the first entertainer (along with the Three Stooges weirdly enough) to call Hitler a monster. As most entertainers in the United States were shuffling their feet, afraid to upset members of the Bundt, Chaplin and his fictional barber set about declaring that these actions were not right and that we must intervene as soon as possible.

It was a speech with real world ramifications, making demanding and acting on peace the most effective strategy of them all. Even though he didn't scare Hitler so much he fell through the ground and made him end up in Hell. Which was very cool when the pigs at #2 did it.