I'm A Funeral Director And These Are The 12 Parts Of The Job I Can Honestly Say Nothing Prepares You For

"However, little did I know that these connections could extend far beyond the funeral service. Funeral directors often serve as a source of comfort long after the funeral. We understand that the pain of loss continues long after the final goodbye, and we reach out to families in the weeks, months, and even years following their loss."

Working as a funeral director is a career that comes with a unique set of challenges and responsibilities. While the job itself can be rewarding, there are some things about the work that are rarely spoken about and often only learned through experience.

Here are 12 things no one told me when I became a funeral director, but I wish they had. So, I am sharing them here so that aspiring funeral directors can be better prepared for the emotional, physical, and financial demands that await them.

1. Death is not pretty:

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In popular culture and the media, death is often romanticized and portrayed as a beautiful, peaceful experience. However, the reality is that death is not pretty. The deceased are often brought into our care with eyes wide open and mouths agape, and sometimes with medical apparatus still attached.

 
Death can also be messy. Bodily functions cease to work, leading to the release of bodily fluids and potential odors. The body may go through post-mortem changes, such as rigor mortis and decomposition, which can be quite unsettling. In cases of violent deaths, accidents, or fires, the appearance of the deceased may be disfigured or even gruesome.

2. Long and erratic hours:

Funeral directors work around the clock since death doesn't follow regular office hours. People can die at any time, including weekends and holidays, and we must be prepared to drop everything and respond. 

This means disrupting our personal lives and sacrificing private time and family events, often without notice. Such demanding hours and irregular schedules are challenging, so learning to cope with an unconventional schedule is paramount to avoiding burnout.

3. The physical demands:

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Many aspects of funeral service, such as transporting bodies, embalming, dressing, and casketing the deceased, are physically demanding. Being on your feet for long hours and lifting heavy caskets and floral pieces can also take a toll on your body. Over time, such strenuous activity can be exhausting and lead to chronic pain or injury.

 
Proper training on lifting protocols and ergonomics should be emphasized, and self-care practices such as exercise, stretching, and regular medical check-ups should be addressed. To minimize the risk of injury, some funeral homes have pneumatic lifts. If your facility does not, and you can’t manage the lifting yourself, get help.

4. The financial and business side:

Funeral directing is not just about supporting grieving families; it also involves running a business. From maintaining financial records to marketing and building customer relationships, funeral directors must become adept in managing a funeral home's operational and economic aspects.

 
While there's a stereotype that funeral directors are raking in profits from the grief of others, the reality is far from it. Funeral homes face rising operating costs, including merchandise, equipment, overhead, and staff salaries. Moreover, families are becoming more cost-conscious, shifting towards cremations, direct burials, and more straightforward services. Funeral directors often find themselves balancing the financial needs of their business with the economic realities of the families they serve.

5. The paperwork:

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Funeral directing involves a significant amount of paperwork. There is a lot of administrative work behind the scenes, from filing death certificates to obtaining burial and cremation permits, dealing with insurance claims, and handling legal documents. Being organized and detail-oriented is critical to managing everything accurately and efficiently.

6. Constant adaptation:

In today's rapidly changing society, funeral traditions have significantly transformed. Gone are the days when traditional religious ceremonies were the unquestionable norm. Families have different expectations and desires regarding saying goodbye to their loved ones. They seek more personalized and unique funerals that genuinely capture the essence of the deceased's life and individuality. As a result, funeral directors are constantly challenged to keep up with these evolving preferences alongside technological advancements and shifting cultural demographics.

 
To remain relevant in this dynamic landscape and meet the demands of today's families, funeral directors must be adaptable and open to embracing new ideas. This means staying informed about the latest trends, exploring innovative funeral options, and understanding a multicultural society's diverse needs and expectations. By continually adapting our services and successfully meeting the changing needs of the people we serve, we can ensure that each ceremony is a heartfelt and meaningful tribute to the deceased.

7. The need for ongoing education:

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To provide the best possible service, funeral directors must continuously educate themselves on new practices, regulations, and technologies within the industry. To that end, continuing education is required in most states. Subject matter runs the gamut from engaging your community, compassion fatigue, military funeral honors, and flyovers to NYS final disposition law review and OSHA training; some classes are given in person, while many others are offered as Webinars. Ongoing education ensures that funeral directors are up-to-date with new rules and regulations and the latest innovations in funeral service.

8. Interacting with the living:

Contrary to popular belief, funeral directors spend most of their time with the living rather than the dead. While embalming and preparing the remains for viewing are vital aspects of our work, they are a minor part of the job.

Much of the focus is on interactions with the families we serve and the community. Building strong connections with grieving families is integral to a funeral director's role. However, little did I know that these connections could extend far beyond the funeral service. Funeral directors often serve as a source of comfort long after the funeral. We understand that the pain of loss continues long after the final goodbye, and we reach out to families in the weeks, months, and even years following their loss. Whether through a simple phone call or attending memorial events, we want to provide ongoing support and remind families that they are not alone in their grief. Such lasting personal connections can often lead to lifelong friendships and, in some cases, a sense of extended family. Some of my most cherished friends were people I met by arranging funerals for their loved ones.

9. The emotional toll:

Funeral directors are constantly surrounded by death and grieving families, listening to heart-wrenching stories and witnessing raw emotions. We see firsthand the deep pain that comes with losing a loved one as we help families navigate through the most challenging time of their lives. Still, nothing truly prepares you for the enormous emotional toll that dealing with grief daily can take on your well-being. The weight of each family's pain can sometimes be overwhelming and can leave a lasting impact on funeral directors. Observing countless families grieving and dealing with their pain requires tremendous emotional resilience.

10. Thoughts of our death:

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A grim aspect of working so closely with death is the daily reminders that our time on Earth is limited, and it can be a frightening thought to grapple with. These reminders force us to confront our mortality and question our purpose, beliefs, and the meaning we attach to our existence. This contemplation can lead to anxiety, fear, and an existential crisis in some individuals.

11. The importance of self-care and support systems:

We may often neglect self-care in a vocation centered around caring for others. Therefore, it is crucial to prioritize our physical and mental health, establish boundaries, and allow ourselves time for rest and rejuvenation.

Engaging in activities outside of work, pursuing hobbies, and spending time with loved ones are all necessary to maintain a healthy work-life balance and prevent compassion fatigue. Building a solid professional network is another way. Connecting with colleagues through participation in industry associations, conferences, or online forums is a way to share experiences and discuss our unique challenges in the industry.

12. And the rewarding moments:

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Amidst the challenges funeral directors face, there are also gratifying moments that make this a worthwhile career. Providing comfort and support to grieving families and helping to create meaningful tributes are experiences that touch our souls deeply. Every life is unique and deserves to be honored and celebrated in a manner that reflects the individual's personality and values. Being entrusted with this responsibility is a privilege that we hold dear.

 
Moreover, families often thank us for seeing their loved ones looking peaceful, as they did before the ravages of illness took hold. "Thank you for allowing me to say goodbye and remember him/her looking so good." These moments remind us why we chose to do this work and inspire us to keep it with compassion, empathy, and grace.