I love landing on parenting Twitter, because the stories are always equal parts hilarious and endearing while also being the ultimate form of birth control. Most recently, dad and author Bradford Pearson shared a message he received from his child's teacher, and I'll just let y'all experience this for yourselves:
No parenting book can prepare you for a message like this
Bradford's story inspired other parents, caregivers, and teachers to weigh in with their own nightmarish diaper experiences, and these are some of the best:
1.
@BradfordPearson I was babysitting a neighbors kid. Changed the diaper and found RED poop. Told mom when she came to pick her up. Moms reply? “THAT’S where my Santa Clause candle went!” 😳
2.
@BradfordPearson Our poop story involved an electric toy train that met a very messy end thanks to an unexpected 'log' in its path. The train was strong so managed to chug along carpet for quite a distance, leaving a very clear poop track mark, before it ultimately succumbed to its injuries.
3.
@BradfordPearson I got a voicemail from childcare to say “something, um, happened today, we’ll just tell you in person… (name) is ok, but she’ll have something interesting to share with you tonight” Another kid had pooped themselves and started to fling it around and my child was a casualty 😭
4.
@BradfordPearson when my niece was born, my 2.5-yr-old nephew insisted on viewing her poopy diapers, was obsessed. at dinner out, my brother tossed dirty diaper into bin from which it could not be retrieved. my nephew had to be carried from VERY CROWDED restaurant screaming “POOP, I WANT POOOOOP”
5.
3-yr-old woke me at 1:30am, said "daddy, I wanna fart", used all his strength & pooped a shitload. When I got up to get a new diaper, he took off the soiled diaper by himself, the poops falling & rolling on the bed, one of which he picked up to admire. #whyI'mTweetingAt2:30am
6.
@BradfordPearson When my little sister was about a year old (i was about 19) she managed to take her diaper off and spend about 20 minutes (thought she was napping) painting a poo mural on her body, the walls, her hair. It was in her ears, under her finger nails, belly button, toes.
7.
@BradfordPearson When my daughter was 8 days old, we brought her to the hospital because she hadn't pooped in 5 days (not breastfed). The Dr on call did some belly massages and she blew up. So as hubbo and Dr are talking, I was changing her. She farted and leftover poo went into my mouth 🙃
8.
@BradfordPearson one time I was picking up my daughter and she wasn’t wearing any clothes, the woman at daycare had stuck a post it to her chest that said “pooped pants 3X” and walked away without a word 😂🤣
9.
@BradfordPearson When my son was 18 mo I traveled w/him cross country. At end of the flight he blew out his diaper— poo was EVERYWHERE. In the airport bathroom a nice lady held his legs up while I scraped him off. She asked if I had extra clothes (I did) she told me to throw whole outfit away 😂
10.
@muni_d1 @BradfordPearson Mine’s older and came down into my bed in the middle of the night to puke on me yesterday 😂
11.
@BradfordPearson I picked my son up from daycare and was told he’d had an accident during nap time. He was recently potty trained and on day 4 of being badly constipated and on Miralax. The teacher was like… it was round and hard like a golf ball! We got him changed but he’s going to need a bath
12.
@BradfordPearson When I worked at a daycare, I had a toddler get diarrhea up his back, in his chair, & puddled on the floor in the middle of breakfast. They had me horribly over ratio, so I had to make sure he was ok, clean him up, and keep 16 curious 2 year olds out of his shit ocean. 😮💨
13.
@BradfordPearson I once received one of these notes, but with "We determined that the underwear are a total loss and disposed in trash. Pants, socks, and shoes (!) are triple bagged in his cubby. Take home ASAP. Please let us know if you have any questions."
14.
@BradfordPearson My then 2 month old daughter managed to crap on me in a jumping fountain style across a 2 foot gap. It was like a slow motion snake flying through the air towards me. No spray, purely one long stream. I still have flashbacks.
15.
@BradfordPearson Preschool teacher- once had a kiddo messing around w/ his chair at lunch (in an unsafe way) so after warnings I took it away. He silently sat on the floor and a few minuteslater looked at me w a shit eating grin & went “I. Pooped.” Most horrific massive blowout ever. From spite.