Hello internet friends! We're back again to judge someone's life choices, and I love that for us. Most recently, we've been considering real-life stories from the popular subreddit page "Am I the Asshole," where redditors ask strangers whether or not they handled a situation correctly.
Today's issue centers around a woman who recently moved into a new house with her husband, and her mother-in-law who decided to decorate with photos of her husband's ex.
Here's the story according to the wife, u/alt_account_ad: "My husband (30) and I (31) have just bought our first house together; we're loving it, and we're excited to decorate it together. Unfortunately my husband travels a lot for work, and we've already had new furniture orders arrive, but I couldn't do it all myself. My MIL (mother-in-law) offered to help and I agreed."
"Yesterday, I got back from work at 8 p.m. and was shocked to see one of the walls was full of framed pictures that MIL put there... Then I saw the biggest framed picture, and it's him and his ex on their wedding day. (Context: MIL 'adores' my husband's ex; she brings her up all the time and reminisces about the past years with her. Not only that but she includes her in events and holidays, which caused issues between us.)"
"I told her to take it down in that instance, but she got defensive and said, 'This is part of Derek's life, and you can not erase it.' Then went on about how many hours she spent working on this wall and how I should try to be a little bit more appreciative. I lost my cool and flipped out on her; I took a chair and removed the picture."
As the argument heats up, the wife tells her mother-in-law to either take the photo with her, or that she'll throw it out. In return, her mother-in-law leaves and begins texting the wife about how "jealous," "bitter," and "controlling" she is. The wife's response? Banning her mother-in-law from ever coming back to her and her husband's home.
"She called my husband and forwarded a screenshot of the ban.' He called me and we talked. He then said his mom ought to know better but she didn't, and I was right to be angry, but banning her from the house was an overreaction...AITA for banning after this?"
The overarching consensus? Redditors say the wife is not the asshole, but that she could have handled the situation better:
"OP (the original poster) is not the asshole, although she made two mistakes under extreme provocation, which is understandable. She should not have lost her cool. That's what MIL wanted, and MIL clearly felt empowered by it. And OP should have discussed the matter and agreed upon a response and solution with husband first, rather than deciding unilaterally and now being in the position of having to enforce or give up on an ultimatum, which is damaging to the marriage.
These kinds of serious decisions should be made jointly. Her husband is right that it was unfair of her to decide that by herself. In an ideal situation, husband would have handled communicating that to MIL, but OP didn't get that opportunity here due to MIL's machinations."
Others aren't so sure if there was a "correct" way to handle this, and believe her mother-in-law had no other intention than to purposefully cause chaos and potentially break the couple up:
"Not the asshole. It was a super-inappropriate thing to do, and MIL knew exactly what she was doing, and now she is succeeding in driving a wedge between you and your husband. Good luck for the future. If this is an indication of how things are going to be, you may well need it."
Regardless of where people stand, one reader feels that professional intervention is much needed:
"I think this requires professional mediation, frankly. Husband's view of baseline appropriate behavior is so distorted that OP probably won't be able to get him to see his mother as unreasonable without an objective opinion, and soliciting that opinion from mutual friends would be cathartic, but could make husband very defensive and resentful.
If husband reflexively resists counseling/mediation, well, shit, you have your answer about how seriously he takes the marriage."
And most agree that the husband needs to reign in his mother:
"He needs to back you here. If he doesn't, it's only going to continue to happen. She's going to keep on doing this to you until he stops it or you two break up. It sounds like she's trying to do that so he can get back with his ex."