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The 21 Distressing Stages Of Getting A Nail Salon Manicure

Why are you gonna ask me if I want round or square if you're going to do your own damn thing anyway?!

1. First, you walk into the nail salon, probably without an appointment.

2. If you're with your mom, you endure the ever-hilarious and totally over-done, "is this your sister?! You are both so pretty," bit.

3. You stand in front of the wall of colors as if you've never made a decision for yourself before now.

4. You sit to wait your turn while clarifying and justifying the type of service you want several times.

5. Finally you get to sit and are immediately bombarded with a number of uncomfortable questions.

6. Also, "Oh no, why did you bite your cuticles?"

7. And, "Round or square?" Even though you know that the manicurist is going to do whatever the heck he or she pleases.

8. While your nails are being filed away, obviously in the opposite way you asked them to be, you get asked, "You need an eyebrow wax?"

9. You pay for your manicure right before the painting starts, and do the awkward how-much-do-I-tip calculation in your head.

10. You go out on a limb before the first coat of paint and try to show your manicurist a photo of what you want your nails to look like.

11. Once your nails start getting painted you immediately think, "Is that what this color looks like out of the bottle?!" because you hate everything about it.

12. Then after the second coat you realize that it's actually nice and the anxiety attack subsides.

13. As you get up to go dry you fumble with your things until your manicurist helps you out.

14. You sit and dry for what feels like forever and think about all of the life that is passing you by.

15. And while you're focusing on not smudging your nails in the dryer you sit through your complimentary massage trying not to be the most awkward person in the room.

16. You are finally ready to leave the salon, and play the can-I-get-my-keys-without-smudging-my-nails game on the way out.

17. You are showered with a million goodbyes from everyone in the salon.

18. You get all the way home only to realize that one of your nails is already smudged.

19. Now, not only are your nails not dry at all, you also have to pee.

20. You accept that the manicure is imperfect, because honestly, from far away it looks okay.

21. Until you wake up the next morning and it looks like a squirrel was gnawing at your polish all night.