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Deconstructing The Utmost Ken Doll That Has Nothing To Do With ‘What A Girl Wants’

According to myriad of so-called articles there are things women desperately want from men and also types of men that no woman can resist. I couldn't help but assemble the bullshit that they all seem to agree on in terms of the traits of this transcendental man and arguing against it on behalf of each and every woman who is truly, madly, deeply sick of this shit.

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Deconstructing The Utmost Ken Doll That Has Nothing To Do With ‘What A Girl Wants’

1. A man who pays for everything

Sure, if we are talking about a particular woman who is attracted to ATMs (no judgements here - all of us have fetishes) that might work, worth a shot. However, if that’s not the case, people throwing money at their significant others cannot but reveal mutual disrespect on so many levels.

This might come as a surprise but as a woman myself, I am also utterly good at what I do for a living therefore it pays just fine, so unless you want to hire me, you might as well keep your money to yourself. I am capable enough not only to pay for my own food but also to tell what I can afford and what I cannot. If a man keeps dating someone who actually expects him to pay for everything or even allows him to do so, that’s his deliberate choice and nobody's business, let him make a fool of himself but please just stop attributing this nonsense to my gender or to any gender for that matter.

2. A man who makes love, who is not about having sex

Run Houston run, we have a Madonna-whore complex coming up. I mean it, unless the purpose here is causing a sexual dysfunction to arise, this has to go stat!

In the light of the fact that the first vibrator was invented for medical purposes and was a huge success in hysteria treatment, don’t buy or encourage this “for women, sex is all about love and attachment” crap or you’ll end up asking yourself why you two have suddenly became unable to have a conversation that doesn’t involve yelling. This postulate can lead to nothing but sexual frustration which can easily turn both of your lives into a living hell. Those who would genuinely think that I am trying to be cool or somehow exceptional by saying that love is not the leading sexual motivation of women, should check out the book Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between). It’s not even in the top three if my memory serves me right, surprisingly neither is easing the migraine pain. It should be though. What is the point of being in a relationship if you can’t just turn round while sitting in sweatpants and say, “OK, we need to have sex before this headache kills me.”?

3. A man who can protect her

WRONG! SAD! BAD! Since she was able to come to a certain age without an action man's presence in her life, I guarantee you that she knows a thing or two to keep herself safe, if she doesn’t then it’s her problem to solve, better late than ever. Being protective of the people that you care for is surely the most natural instinct but never an excuse for marking your territory, so to speak.

I am not a propriety for anyone to claim any rights on and I'd rather cause a scene than tolerate possessive behaviour. Not only do I not date people in order to have a complimentary bodyguard around but also being perceived as a weakling pisses me off beyond imagination.

4. A man who is always nice and romantic

This one was taking part in all of the articles that I came across, without a single exception. Even though it seems harmless compared to profoundly misogynistic other dating advices, this one also results in stereotyping women, implying that women are somewhat delicate flowers that need to be treated accordingly, a.k.a with constant flattering.

In all due fairness, I highly doubt I am the only one who would say being taken seriously trumps every other will of mine. I despise being regarded as fragile, not only because I am certainly not, neither physically nor psychologically but also because it prevents me from evolving person. To that end, Dear Mr. Nice Romantic Guy, hold the poetry and please challenge me instead, tell it right to my face when I am bullshitting, be your true self and don't hesitate to fight me for it if necessary, as opposed to what you’ve been told I am not a crybaby who's frantically seeking her daddy. As for the magazines that shamelessly guide you to walk on eggshells around me, I have a truly beautiful middle finger with a freshly painted fingernail.

5. A chivalrous man

Kids, I don’t care what you say to drugs but please say no to hypocrisy. Every now and then, we all feel nostalgia for playing Tetris, but 13th century? Seriously?

The medieval is over, concomitantly so is the chivalry. The kind of monarchy that you are aestheticising is basically a fulsome eulogy for slavery and honestly none of us would like to go back there. Howbeit, if you insist on exchanging your constitutional rights with hoop skirts, at least give the man some land or something. Overall, he is coming not only with his horse but also with a price.

6. A man who treats his mother like a queen

I don’t know many single princes so excuse my cliché epitome but if the person who commits to this discourse is not dating Prince Andrew, I can’t see the reasoning behind it.

Don’t want to be a calamity howler here but motherhood is not something sacred and mothers are not divine creatures, they are flesh and bone female human beings who gave birth. Although this may seem like a compliment to women, in fact it only proves that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Despite the diligence being shown by women all over the world, it is still a taboo for a woman to admit that she regrets having children so by deifying motherhood one would only be doing harm to the cause. Besides, these kind of sayings are nothing but insults to lots of benevolent people who are going through some tough times with their families or who have cut ties with them entirely. Judging a man by his relationship with his mother won’t make anyone a feminist but a Freud wannabe in the worst way possible.

7. A man who is annoyed by what is considered dating today.

This heading is always followed by a version of poorly written lampoons about dating applications, one night stands, no strings attached relationships etc. Well, since half of the population that is involved in this disapproved dating habits * are women, no need to explain why this is speaking gibberish. Thanks for the slut-shaming though, classy!

* see also sleeping around (apparently the mighty have felt the urge to sugarcoat)

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