This Girl Destroyed Her Stepsister's $3,000 Quinceañera Dress, But She Thinks Her Punishment Was Unfair — Now, The Mother Wants To Know If She Was In The Wrong

"One doesn't need to be fully aware of Mexican culture to know that destroying an expensive party dress is an ugly, unacceptable way to behave. She's 16, not 6."

If you grew up with siblings, you know very well that jealousy between each other can run deeep. Whether it's over sports, academics, attention from your parents, or simply just an article of clothing, sibling rivalries can take many forms.

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But sometimes, there comes a point where one sibling takes their jealousy a little too far — and that was pretty apparent in this recent Reddit post I came across.

Redditor u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 is a mom of her daughter, Bethany, 16, and her stepdaughter, Maria, 14. While the two girls have gotten on well since their youth, their relationship has fractured because Bethany, who is white, is jealous that her stepsister Maria, who is of Mexican descent, gets to have a quinceañera.

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Celebrated by people from Latin America, a quinceañera is held on a girl's 15th birthday to mark her transition to adulthood. Many quinceañeras, especially in the US, often come with a hefty price tag — from the beautiful dresses to the event planners to the caterers, hair stylists, makeup artists, and many other vendors that make these parties happen. Families spend often thousands, making quinceañeras a multibillion-dollar industry.

Since Maria's quinceañera is coming up, Maria's father and biological mother recently took her to get her her dress for the party, which came out to about $3,000 with alterations.

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"My daughter, [Bethany], has been very jealous of the whole party. I’ve informed her it is part of the culture just like when she had a huge sweet sixteen party with her friends," u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 shared. "I spent more time with her to try to make her feel better about it and got her own (much cheaper) dress for the party."

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In a later comment, u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 clarified that she spent $4,000 for Bethany's sweet sixteen party. She said Maria's party cost around $6,000 in total, but the cost was split between her husband and his ex. She said the biggest disparity was the cost of Bethany's dress vs. Maria's dress. 

Despite u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441's efforts to teach Bethany about Maria's culture and make the party easier on her daughter, Bethany's jealousy took a turn for the worse. After a a trivial fight with Maria over the TV, in a fit of anger, Bethany scribbled a Sharpie pen all over Maria's expensive party dress and ripped the back of it.

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"The story short is everyone was pissed. I gave money to my husband and his ex to try to get a new dress ASAP. I informed my daughter she will need to get a job and pay back the full price of the dress as punishment," u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 said.

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While u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 tried teaching Bethany a lesson, Bethany and her got into a huge argument. Bethany said the whole situation wasn't fair and told her mom that she was choosing Maria over her. She also called her mom a huge jerk. In turn, u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 asked Redditors to confirm if she was really a jerk about how she handled the situation and the punishment.

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The majority of people commented that they did not think u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 was being a jerk — nor did they think her punishment was too harsh. "Quinceañera dresses aren't cheap and your daughter is old enough to know better," u/RaineMist said.

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"Bethany deliberately ruined a dress. She has to pay for it. If she had done this to a total stranger, would she claim you're choosing the stranger? If Maria had ruined one of her dresses, would she just let it go? Bethany's very close to becoming an adult. It's time she realizes that comes with responsibilities," u/FuzzyMom2005 added.

While one commenter suggested that Bethany is probably aware of the mess she caused, another pointed out that might not necessarily be true at her age. u/Kitty-Kitty_Mew said, "Adolescents don't understand abstract concepts like long-term consequences or the chain of reactions stemming from her actions. She just thinks that this will blow over and she'll be forgiven. Because she isn't a part of Mexican culture, she will not understand the SEVERITY of her actions until later on in life. This will make her cringe later on in life."

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They clarified to add, "I'm not saying that she isn't developed enough to know that what she did was wrong, I'm saying that she doesn't understand the complexity/severity of her actions because her mental cognition is not developed enough. This means she doesn't understand some abstract concepts that adults might understand. She doesn't understand that she basically destroyed her stepsister's 'sweet-15' dress, and could have culturally wounded her."

In response to the above, another person chimed in and said, "One doesn't need to be fully aware of Mexican culture to know that destroying an expensive party dress is an ugly, unacceptable way to behave. She's 16, not six. You're right, when she becomes fully aware of the value of a dollar and has had to work for it herself and suffers a loss of something of her own that is culturally significant, the cringe-factor will increase exponentially and it was enormous to begin with."

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And because OP clarified that Bethany got a super expensive sweet sixteen birthday party, commenters pointed out that Bethany's argument that the party was "unfair" isn't warranted. "I don’t know how Bethany gets off saying it’s not fair. Seems completely fair to me. Both girls got parties. Lots of money spent on both. Was she jealous about the attention?" u/CristinaKeller said.

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"Some people are fine with things when they get something, but cry unfair when someone else gets something," another person said. 

Others pointed out that no matter the case, Maria won't forget her stepsister's actions. "[Maria] will never forget this. I remember so much of what happened to me at that age, especially when I was treated badly by horrible people," u/lenajlch said.

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"True, she will never forget it. She will always tell this story," u/ColdButCool33 added.

And many people mentioned that Bethany needs to understand that her actions could have resulted in criminal charges, such as destruction of property. u/Vandreeson said, "You're not choosing anybody. Your daughter ruined a dress on purpose. She should pay for it. She ruined it...If she would have done this to a stranger, I can almost guarantee police would be involved, and a lawsuit."

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"Bethany needs to understand that she could be charged with a crime in different circumstances. You trash something worth that much you can get in serious criminal trouble and she is way, way, way too old for this behavior and definitely needs a job," u/Katz3njamm3r added. 

u/Sha-Nanegins said that Bethany is lucky to have a parent that is willing to work out a repayment plan, because the real world isn't so forgiving. "This isn't taking sides, it's good parenting. And it wouldn't be a bad idea to impress upon Bethany that if this were the property of someone other than a family member, the police or court system would probably be involved. She's fortunate that her parent is willing to work out a repayment plan with her instead," they said.

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u/Serious-Day5968 said that if Bethany was their daughter, they wouldn't even allow her at the party. "She's 16, not 5 years old. In two years she will be 18. If Maria was my daughter, Bethany wouldn't be allowed at the party. She can stay home grounded. She destroyed the dress. What's next? The cake? Or decorations? What she did was uncalled for. I would no longer trust her with any of the party things. Does Bethany at least seem remorseful? If not, she can stay home."

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u/KMK_Direct said that their punishment would be even harsher if Bethany was their daughter. "If this was my child, the main punishment would not be paying back the dress, that is just pure restitution, not punishment. She would not be getting driving privileges until she is 17."

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"The extreme lack of self-control and no hesitation to act, despite knowing the likely consequences of destroying something of high value in terms of not only money, but sentiment, would be high. She doesn’t show the type of decision making necessary to be trusted behind the wheel of a car."

u/Specific_Culture_591 added that making Bethany pay for the dress "is the least she can do," and also suggested Bethany be in therapy. They said, "I think doing that and getting her into therapy, and maybe doing some kind of community service, would do her some good."

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Another user agreed that u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441 should consider professional help for Bethany. They said, "I just want to echo what some others are saying and that you should consider counseling or therapy for your daughter. Sixteen is pretty old to be having such an intense and impulsive reaction. There could be something else going on."

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They added, "That said, you're not the asshole on what you’ve done so far. Actions have consequences and making her get a job and repay is an excellent way to ensure she makes that connection."

Overall, it was evident that no one thought the mom, u/Otherwise-Cycle-2441, was a jerk for how she handled the situation with her daughter.

But what about you? After reading through everyone's thoughts and suggestions, do you agree? How would you have handled the situation? Let us know in the comments!