I'm Pretty Much Spitting Out My Food At These 27 Hilarious Tweets From The Week
“Why are we keeping it a secret where I’m supposed to tap my debit card. Why am I slowly sliding it around the screen like I am cracking a safe.”
Welcome to another Monday in this crazy thing called life. Whether you're enjoying a "30-minute" lunch, taking an extendedddd bathroom break, or simply just disregarding all of life's responsibilities right now, I've rounded up the funniest tweets from the week to enjoy on your scroll. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the xeets.
1.
can’t believe I have one wild & precious life and I’m spending it terrified to answer an email
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 7, 2023
3.
why are we keeping it a secret where i’m supposed to tap my debit card. why am i slowly sliding it around the screen like i am cracking a safe
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) August 8, 2023
4.
why he kinda giving patriarchy ken https://t.co/UIAtXjJbRQ
— janito (@yassnito) August 8, 2023
5.
keeeeep https://t.co/BLiPEa3cIT
— cuntaerys slayaryen (@panosszn) August 8, 2023
6.
this is the final boss of unemployed people https://t.co/aN2zDeA7Zs
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) August 9, 2023
7.
No one:
— Fatima (@fatima_medic) August 9, 2023
Medical students on instagram: pic.twitter.com/QSSLpshEFT
8.
Jobs will call you back a MONTH after you applied… like I already lost everything pic.twitter.com/s0S99OxuXD
— Drebae (@Drebae_) August 9, 2023
10.
someone in my crochet group posted these photos asking if this was too much yarn to take on a 3 day camping trip & everyone said no pic.twitter.com/3DVFzX2dLL
— THE lusty argonian maid (@lindawg) August 10, 2023
11.
How original we talkin? https://t.co/JTxU5KfQkv
— a virgin who can’t drive. (@screwyoumegn) August 11, 2023
12.
I just walked in my room to find my 8yr watching my tv. Before I could say anything, she holds her hand up and says “I just need to relax ok. You called my name SO many times today.”
— This Barbie is a Nerd💕 (@TanaIsBananas) August 10, 2023
Me: pic.twitter.com/8GWopo323d
14.
Anxiety is so fucking embarrassing . Oh noooo what if something happens. Jesus christ
— cam (@largemotorcycle) August 13, 2023
15.
A real one pic.twitter.com/7uhlcYu0hx
— Lance🇱🇨 (@Bornakang) August 13, 2023
16.
It’s giving last known image of a murder victim on a Netflix doc https://t.co/gly3z2fqxi
— CM (@conormurrayTM) August 13, 2023
17.
engineer, social media manager, and product manager pic.twitter.com/yeaPhrGoPk
— gaut (@0xgaut) August 13, 2023
18.
horror movie characters sitting in the back of an ambulance after almost dying https://t.co/SjpEvw6hvt
— ponk (@buwygibrd) August 14, 2023
19.
How to lure me to my death pic.twitter.com/X0sVRGJOWK
— Hermeshuns 🤍 (@hermeshuns) August 13, 2023
20.
i hate when i check my transaction history and it all adds up like damn nobody stole from me 😭 pic.twitter.com/m7zka03Lwq
— Shafeeq (@Y2SHAF) August 13, 2023
22.
— non aesthetic things (@PicturesFoIder) August 13, 2023
23.
Rich folks I dog sit for have switched to Hulu with ads. The recession is here beloved
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) August 13, 2023
24.
me and my friend taking pictures in x0.5 pic.twitter.com/nRydcbX4Zr
— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) August 14, 2023
25.
lmaoooo pic.twitter.com/2w9APhiZ6t
— Sean Doherty (@seandoherty) August 13, 2023
26.
having pets is so crazy cause we not even the same species but we just in the crib together cuddling
— Dulsè (@JadeDaGem) August 13, 2023
27. And lastly:
Summer almost over.. time to pick your favorite liar and settle down
— toxic king (@777jorgeivan) August 13, 2023