These 31 Hilarious Tweets From The Week Had Me Slappin' My Knee In Laughter, And I Bet They Will For You, Too
"Being an iPad baby must be soo exciting; imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush."
Hello, hello! December is in full swing, and I've got a good chunk of holiday-themed tweets for ya this week. There's lots of hilariousness to unpack, so let's jump right into it:
1.
Terrified to visit my girlfriend’s small town for the holidays because I’m a workaholic from a big city and everyone keeps trying to teach me the true meaning of Christmas.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 27, 2023
2.
there should be a "take your friend to work day" so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories
— anu ☻ (@anuatluru) November 29, 2023
3.
i dated this guy in college and one time he let me bum a cig when i was drunk and i was like “thank youuuu you are literally jesus” and he said, dead fucking serious, “Please don’t say that. It contributes to my messiah complex and I really don’t want to backslide.”
— latke (@latkedelrey) November 29, 2023
4.
Being an ipad baby must be soo exciting imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing candy crush
— youngest known hag (@glamdemon2004) November 30, 2023
5.
This is thee funniest fucking holiday tweet pic.twitter.com/ZsSMtdtPOw
— Bleaux (but in cool font) (@BleauxBabe) December 4, 2023
6.
My 4-year-old said she’s scared to become a grown up because she “doesn’t know how to do the gas station.” She has no idea how real she’s being right now
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) November 28, 2023
7.
Just got myself a shoe rack 🤝 pic.twitter.com/ZjpDCenhcZ
— 𝑮𝒊𝒐 🇲🇽 (@Palace_gio) November 27, 2023
8.
https://t.co/SJBgFHEwNr pic.twitter.com/RDbg4J53N7
— Nate Richards (@natexrichards) November 29, 2023
9.
Being short is so random. Like why am I down here
— ? tf (@Bray_erryday) November 29, 2023
10.
Everytime I gotta walk across grass as a shortcut I'm like yeah this is what Pythagoras theorem is all abt
— Grovy🥭 (@grovymango) December 1, 2023
11.
annual reminder that one year my mom sent out her christmas cards without looking at them first and didn’t see they printed them with “Lou” instead of “Love” and everyone called and asked her who tf Lou was and she had no idea what they were talking about pic.twitter.com/7Hrg9ypbia
— kim (@KimmyMonte) November 30, 2023
12.
why does this text from my mom read like poetry pic.twitter.com/2bY2v7BIyh
— maya ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡ (@lemonymaya) December 1, 2023
13.
This guy kept stealing packages from my friend’s building so they put up his photo in the lobby. Then he came back the next day disguised as a witch and tore the photo down 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/lYoHouQGpI
— will (@babyboybill) November 30, 2023
14.
*me getting my oil changed*
— ☔ (@Whotfismick) November 30, 2023
mechanic: “we’ve also notice that—“
me: pic.twitter.com/rPZSptQr5x
15.
16.
(trying to make light conversation) did you know that one serving of gogurt is 3 tubes? a lot of people would think one tube, but you can actually have three. three tubes, if you want
— madimoiselle ♡ (@drivingmemadi) November 28, 2023
17.
Something you go buy in secrecy https://t.co/exGj8tX0CS
— LA 🏝 (@Lj_Foster) November 30, 2023
18.
tf King Julien want with me? 🤔 pic.twitter.com/WvraB6gNt2
— Fredo (@FredoInDaCut995) December 1, 2023
19.
Bitches be posting “nobody cares about your Spotify wrapped” and then post a pic of their baby ???
— c h r is (@fuckchrxs) November 29, 2023
21.
eu amo o nome do meu kindle pic.twitter.com/FHY9ig2rVm
— vivi (@trustleclerc) November 28, 2023
22.
Me when i’m on the western front https://t.co/b8ih7nFz2A
— Erin K. Rubio (@dancingbird222) November 28, 2023
23.
ur parents should have named u beethoven cuz ur a symp and a phony
— ❅ c$ ❅ (@groovygoddesz) November 28, 2023
24.
you know if they just introduced seatbelts now conservatives would be so mad
— Skyler Higley (@skyler_higley) December 3, 2023
25.
i got my daughter chick fil a catering at her party yesterday she talking i thought i said chipotle 😭😭😭😭 i do not like kids fr
— chanel ✨ (@xtrenvy) December 3, 2023
26.
It’s so funny that one of Santa’s reindeer is named Vixen. He’s like “and this…is the sexy one.”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) December 3, 2023
27.
hormonal acne leave me alone… i am not strong enough to fight you constantly… im just a beautiful girl please… please stay away
— chrissy chlapecka (@chrissychlapp) December 3, 2023
28.
29.
Haters will draw you a hot bath only to start slicing carrots into it
— austin (@ilovefamiIyguy) December 3, 2023
30.
This man has apparently been at the bar for 6+ hours, ignoring his girlfriend’s calls for the last 3 hours and not listening when his friend was telling him to go home to her and their newborn. Tell me why she walked in, said nothing, put the baby down next to him and WALKED OUT! pic.twitter.com/qeUosBmwYO
— b. (@BreezyJacks) December 1, 2023
31.
this kid is so lucky, his parents are richie rich and london tipton that net worth is crazy https://t.co/Psoahye0Ch
— popculture (@notgwendalupe) December 1, 2023