Today I'm rewatching one of the best cult comedies of the 1990s, Andaz Apna Apna, which has given us some of the most iconic dialogues and scenes of all time. And if you aren't already familiar with the film...umm...have you been living under a rock?
🚨🚨Warning: Major spoilers ahead, so proceed at your own risk!🚨🚨
So, two minutes into Andaz Apna Apna, I realised that the directors and writers of this movie were totally trolling us. I went in thinking that I would see Karishma Kapoor, Salman Khan, and the others. Instead, I saw Juhi Chawla (!!!) and Aamir Khan having a nice meet-cute???
And then, Govinda shows up and I'm super convinced that they're trolling the audience.
Turns out, Aamir's character trying to marry Juhi Chawla was just a dream. I knew it!
We are then introduced to Amar (Aamir Khan), who has quit college, has expensive habits, is a complete pain in the ass for his father, spouts absolute nonsense, and likes to dream big. Amar spends ₹100 (consider the fact that it was 1994) on his haircut from the Taj (??) when his own father owns a barbershop. No wonder his dad is so fed up with him.
Moving on, we're introduced to Prem (Salman Khan) in some other town, who shares pretty similar traits with Amar. I mean, they could be twins separated at birth, but damn, that's a whole other movie!. Prem has dreams of becoming a star and working with Amitabh Bachchan, so he steals money from his father and pays "Wah Wah Studio" to click his photos in order to star in a film called, *drumroll, please*, Dracula Ki Mohobbat 😂
Thankfully, his sensible father steps in and puts a stop to the fraud practices of this "studio" and gets his son outta there.
Cut to the airport where Raveena Tandon has arrived in India and is fighting off a barrage of questions from random people with notepads in their hands...the press??? Anyway, turns out, Raveena is the daughter of some rich guy and has come to India to find a suitor for marriage because she wants a "deewana from India jo pyaar ko bohot pyaar karta hai". 🙄
Enter Karishma, who is Raveena's secretary-cum-friend-cum-adviser-cum-attendant-cum-cook. Anyway, both the girls seem very tight and that's ALL we need to take from this confusing exchange!
Well, as things go, both our heroes learn about Raveena and they're very interested in the fact that whoever marries her will get 50 crores, two factories in London, a diamond factory in Switzerland, and a farmhouse — and they immediately think that they have some stalker-ish claim over her.
So they go on to take the idiotic step of selling off their respective fathers' properties to get money — much to the dismay of the fathers, obviously.
But here's the fun part — we're finally introduced to the villain! Paresh Rawal plays the disgruntled Teja Bajaj who sends his lackey, Robert, to show prospective matches to Raveena in place of the actual matchmaker. Evil genius at play here! 😏
Raveena is obviously not happy with the choices — considering the choices come from a villain's lackey who is plotting to kill her. And here's where we're introduced to Bhalla and the iconic "Bhalla and Robert" ship!
Finally, our two heroes set out to win Raveena's hand in marriage but seem to encounter each other first. Well, naturally, they don't get along, considering how similar they are, especially with their big egos 🤦♀️
And, while they carry on their double-faced friendship and all the tea sharing, we finally get the first song of the movie — "Do Masatane". I had a blast dancing to the upbeat tune, NGL!
Finally, they reveal their real intentions to woo the same girl and it turns into a fistfight — quite literally! This obviously means that they get sent to the police station. Duh!
Well, even in the police station, they're rascals of the highest order, but definitely know how to make us giggle. Amar ends up inaugurating the new lock-up, while "Papa Kehte Hain" plays in the background 😂 This is after he pisses off the SHO and obviously also because Prem had it out for him.
But, looks like our two heroes can't stay apart for long and meet again in a room of a shady lodge, which is the only thing they could afford. It's fate! 🤷♂️ What ensues is the classic cartoonish fight scene with random objects flying in the air!
The next morning, they hatch a plan to get rid of their 700+ competitors for Raveena's hand. Boy, so many gold-diggers! But, what got me distracted were their shirts! They're embodying full-on beachy vibes, so much so, that I now want to go on a vacation!
They then try a number of different disguises to woo the girl. I still have no idea how they thought a disguise where they dress as old men with voices that sound like they chugged helium, would work. Well, they end up sabotaging themselves, so of course, I was right!
Then, Amar gets it in his head that troubling and stalking a girl is the way to her heart...Kyun? Kahan padha? What is this nonsensical strategy that would obviously never work?! 🙄 Oh and cue song —"Dil Karta Hai".
Raveena gets so frustrated with Amar's antics that she whacks him with the rod that he gives her (he brought that on himself). Amar pretends to be out cold and in the fear of getting caught by the police, the gullible Raveena decides to get him treated and brings him home.
Oh, there's another twist — the gangster Teja turns out to be the twin brother of Raveena's father, Ram Gopal Bajaj! Teja AKA Shyam Gopal Bajaj, killed an accountant and went to jail for ten years and now wants revenge from his brother. For what, you ask? We don't know! For being a good man? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh the other hand, Amar is hell-bent on winning Raveena's heart and pretends to suddenly wake up blind while having amnesia, while Prem comes over, pretending to be a doctor who can "cure" Amar with a toolbox. It's a literal toolbox with a hammer, wrench, and all that jazz!
But soon, Prem and Karishma's eyes meet and sparks fly! *Awww*
Coming to the Robert and Bhalla duo — all their plans to kill Raveena fail somehow, partly because of Prem and Amar's stupid rivalry. And partly because, well, the plans were just laughable, y'all.
Both Prem and Amar continue to play childish pranks on one another while trying to woo Raveena, and between all this, Crime Master Gogo makes his appearance while clutching his "ghaghra". Mogambo ka Bhatija is after Teja to reclaim his debt, but leaves with Robert and Bhalla's bike instead???!!!!???
Two songs, a lot of backfired plans, and loads of corny dialogues later, Raveena and Amar have this "pyaar wala moment", but, alas! Teja is there personally to finish the job for Bhalla and Robert. Sadly, his own plan is also foiled by Robert and Bhalla's utter obliviousness. I saw that coming from a mile away!
Cut to both the couples — Raveena and Karishma make a huge revelation, and I mean HUGE! We find out that they had switched identities and, well, the boys couldn't have been more surprised.
But Amar, despite being a gold-digger at heart, soon realises that he loves Raveena (now Karishma) for herself and goes to save her from her "suicide attempt". *Awwww*
Well, now that everything was tied neatly in a bow, we needed some spice and we got it! Enter Ram Gopal Bajaj (present Raveena's father) who is brisk, and has an almost military level strict schedule, which he doesn't like to stray from. He obviously dislikes the boys from the get-go and refuses to marry off his daughters to them!
So, the obvious course of action was to come up with the genius plan (read: stupid) of kidnapping the dad and fake-saving him to get his appreciation. A minute of silence for all those who thought that this was a good plan.🤦♀️ In the meantime, we learn that the Teja-Balla-Robert trio were planning Ram Gopal's kidnapping as well!
As fate would have it, both the shady-looking kidnapper teams plan the same kidnapping spot and finally, the Bhalla-Robert duo do something right! Aha! I had started feeling bad for them at this point, because all they wanted was to become good villains!
Prem and Amar come to know that their plan has failed and visit the girls' house, looking like they're constipated.
At the kidnapping base, Teja tells Ram Gopal that he knows that Ram Gopal has converted his entire wealth into diamonds. What I would like to know is, why would someone who has factories, diamond mines, and more than 50 crores, convert his wealth into diamonds? Logic? There's none!
Well, our two heroes come to save the dad on a moped with the supposed 50 lakh ransom in a small...err...plastic bag.
Then, Teja comes to them dressed as "Thakur" from Sholay with a bowler cap on (cue: confused expression meme) and soon finds out that the bag merely contained "change" that the boys had accumulated with much effort.
Well, Teja is pretty happy with whatever he can get at this point, so he makes do with the chillar and changes into the clothes of Ram Gopal and goes back to our heroes, and then back home.
A few days later, suspicious of the changed behaviour of the "dad" at home, Amar and Prem decide to follow him in his car, which leads them exactly to where the actual Ram Gopal was being kept!
Their discovery of them being twins is more than surprising — it's actually really trippy! I literally pulled my head back from the laptop during this sensory overload of frames.
Meanwhile, Ram Gopal hits Teja in the head while he was dreaming about being Omelette ka raja and Bread ka Badshah (such an innocent dream!). At least he was planning on living an honest life after this.
Well, our heroes couldn't let something nice happen in the movie so they HAD to mess things up and get thrown in jail with the real Ram Gopal. God! This is just getting ridiculous at this point! They then add a mark on his face to distinguish him from Teja. I know it in my gut that this will cause problems later...
They somehow get out of there and retrieve the diamonds from the bank and from Teja, when Crime Master Gogo makes an entry and kidnaps Ram Gopal, Raveena, and Karishma.
We finally come to the climax of the movie where everyone is gathered in Gogo's lair and we're all wondering, "Yeh Teja Teja kya hai, yeh Teja Teja?".
Somehow, through all their weird nonsensical chatter, our heroes manage to grab a gun and overpower everyone. However, it turns out that, goli hi nahi hai (!!!) and Prem literally blasts this fact to everyone! *Facepalm*
We then get to see some action scenes that would be impossible in real life. But hey! This is 90s Indian cinema. Anything is possible.
Cut to the finale, everyone seems to hold everyone else at gunpoint to get the diamonds. Until finally, *drumroll*, the police arrives!!! We come to know that Prem and Amar have done something right for once by calling the police and switching the diamonds. They might not actually be that stupid, y'all! *Phew*
With all the drama done and dusted, Ram Gopal is so happy to get his diamonds back, that he agrees to let Prem and Amar marry his daughters! The plan might not have been so bad, after all, or it's just a predictable movie...😛 But I had a blast, I must say!
In the end, I would like to leave you with these thought provoking words — BOM BOM...BOM BOM! Cheers!💃
