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One of my favorite things is watching a toddler stumble around a wedding dance floor like they've had four vodkas and are looking for someone to fight.
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There's a 20 min window after my toddler poops that I can fart all want and no one even asks who it was
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*Things that are fast* FAST: An attacking cobra SUPER FAST: Lightning TOO FAST TO EVEN SEE: A toddler snatching the glasses off your face #parenting #DadLife
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Just overheard my toddler say “uh-oh” from the other room, which either means I need to retrieve a toy from behind the couch or we need to change our identities and move out of state again.
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Feeling Passionately About Subjects While Still Being Dead Wrong: a treatise cowritten by my Facebook friends and my toddlers.
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Give a toddler a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach a toddler to fish, and they will make you do it for them anyway.
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A mischievous toddler is the fastest land mammal.