1. Look, we all know the sacred Truth — it has graced us in the form of Popeyes Chicken.
2. Other chickens can't compare. There's no competition.
3. One does not simply "eat at" Popeyes. Popeyes is a lifestyle.
4. Yes, every Popeyes meal is an experience worth cherishing.
5. It's almost...sexual?
6. OK. Maybe not "almost."
7. Orange, white, and maroon are the colors of love.
8. And the $5 big box is more precious than family.
9. But let's be clear, there are a few ways to honor Popeyes properly.
10. NEVER forget the hot sauce and honey.
11. Make sure you also get something to, uhh, quench your thirst.
12. Unless you want to regret every life choice you've ever made.
13. Always keep an eye out for a new deal.
14. Ain't no way like the spicy way.
15. But if the Popeyes gods have chosen to not look upon you with favor, don't blame the poor employees.
16. But kindly interrogate whoever is responsible for this tragedy.
17. Share* with the ones you love.
18. Or perhaps use sides to make someone fall for you.
19. But hey, it's OK if you get a liiiiittle greedy.
20. 'Cause you're in great company.
21. No, seriously.
(Beyoncé can't be wrong.)